Just because we are healing doesn't mean life catches up with us. Today, we will talk about how you can be in therapy, journaling, and setting boundaries… and still repeating toxic patterns. You’ll get: red flags to watch in yourself, antidotes, and maybe learn how to call in softness to yourself and your relationships.

Things I’ve read and citations:

Gottman, J., & Schwartz Gottman, J. (2016). Level 1 clinical training: Gottman method couples therapy. The Gottman Institute.

Hammer, M., & Hammer, B. (2015). Healing our emotional pain and relationship pain. Journal of Psychology & Clinical Psychiatry, 2(5), 00091.

Pinkston, S. N. (2023). Dialect Behavior Therapy's Effects on the Therapeutic Reduction of Self-Destructive Behavior and Cognitive Processes. Praptiningsih, N. A., Mulyono, H., & Setiawan, B. (2024). Toxic relationship in youth communication through self-love intervention strategy. Online Journal of Communication and Media Technologies, 14(2), e202416.

Turpin, A. S. (2024). Healing from Toxic Relationships in Marriage, Dating and Interpersonal Connections.

Wisniewska, M. J. (2024, November 18). 11 Signs of a Toxic Relationship You Do Not Want to Ignore. Break the Cycle. Retrieved August 25, 2025, from https://www.breakthecycle.org/signs-of-a-toxic-relationship/

Wisniewska, M. J. (2024, October 15). 11 Early Signs of a Controlling Man: Never Ignore These Red Flags. Break the Cycle. Retrieved August 25, 2025, from https://www.breakthecycle.org/early-signs-of-a-controlling-man.

cover art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

The dick pic. Or should I call it: genital gerrymandering?

Today's episode focuses on just how common are dick pics? Why our penis princes send them? And what to consider before concocking a photo creation.

Citation and things I read for this episode:

Anderson, K. J. (2010). Benign bigotry: The psychology of subtle prejudice. Cambridge University Press.

Beres, M. A., Herold, E., & Maitland, S. B. (2004). Sexual consent behaviors in same-sex relationships. Archives of sexual behavior, 33(5), 475-486.

Dietzel C. (2022). The Three Dimensions of Unsolicited Dick Pics: Men Who have Sex with Men's Experiences of Sending and Receiving Unsolicited Dick Pics on Dating Apps. Sexuality & culture, 26(3), 834–852. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-021-09920-y

Klesse, C. (2016). The spectre of promiscuity: Gay male and bisexual non-monogamies and polyamories. Routledge.

Mandau, M. B. H. (2019). ‘Directly in Your Face’: A qualitative study on the sending and receiving of unsolicited ‘dick pics’ among young adults. Sexuality & Culture, 24(1), 72–93.

Marcotte, A. S., Gesselman, A. N., Fisher, H. E., & Garcia, J. R. (2021). Women’s and men’s reactions to receiving unsolicited genital images from men. The Journal of Sex Research, 58(4), 512-521.

McKie, R. M. (2015). "Just say yes” - Sexual consent and boundary setting on- and offline: An inter- national perspective of men of varying sexual orientations (Master’s thesis). Retrieved from Trent University Graduate Thesis Collection.

Muehlenhard, C. L., Humphreys, T. P., Jozkowski, K. N., & Peterson, Z. D. (2016). The complexities of sexual consent among college students: A conceptual and empirical review. The Journal of Sex Research, 53(4–5), 457–487.

Oswald, F., Lopes, A., Skoda, K., Hesse, C. L., & Pedersen, C. L. (2020). I’ll show you mine so you’ll show me yours: Motivations and personality variables in photographic exhibitionism. The Journal of Sex Research, 57(5), 597-609.

Salerno-Ferraro, A. C., Erentzen, C., & Schuller, R. A. (2022). Young women’s experiences with technology-facilitated sexual violence from male strangers. Journal of interpersonal violence, 37(19-20), NP17860-NP17885.

Snell Jr, W. E., Hawkins, R. C., & Belk, S. S. (1988). Stereotypes about male sexuality and the use of social influence strategies in intimate relationships. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 7(1), 42-48.

Tziallas, E. (2015). Gamified eroticism: Gay male “social networking” applications and self-pornography. Sexuality & Culture, 19(4), 759-775.

Waling, A., & Pym, T. (2019). ‘C’mon, no one wants a dick pic’: Exploring the cultural framings of the ‘dick pic’in contemporary online publics. Journal of Gender Studies, 28(1), 70-85.

Y. (n.d.). Yougovdickpickdataset. YouGov. https://ygo-assets-websites-editorial-emea.yougov.net/documents/dick_pics_data.pdf

artwork referenced in today's episode: https://imgur.com/mosaic-of-donald-trump-made-with-500-pics-0PEkVxx

cover art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

It sounds funny, but for many couples, pets in the bedroom can spark real tension around intimacy. Do you let them stay? Do you kick them out? And what does each choice say about us? Figs dives into our desire, boundaries, and relationship with pets in “Do we let the dogs out?”

citations and things read in preparation for today's episode:

Bancroft, J., & Janssen, E. (2000). The dual control model of male sexual response: A theoretical approach to centrally mediated erectile dysfunction. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 24(5), 571-579.

Boddi, V., Fisher, A. D., Maseroli, E., Rastrelli, G., Corona, G., Jannini, E., ... & Maggi, M. (2014). Lack of sexual privacy affects psychological and marital domains of male sexual dysfunction. The journal of sexual medicine, 11(2), 431-438.

Butterfield, M. E., Hill, S. E., & Lord, C. G. (2012). Mangy mutt or furry friend? Anthropomorphism promotes animal welfare. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 957-960.

Coombe, J., Kong, F. Y. S., Bittleston, H., Williams, H., Tomnay, J., Vaisey, A., ... & Hocking, J. S. (2021). Love during lockdown: findings from an online survey examining the impact of COVID-19 on the sexual health of people living in Australia. Sexually transmitted infections, 97(5), 357-362.

Eleuteri, S., Alessi, F., Petruccelli, F., & Saladino, V. (2022). The Global Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on Individuals' and Couples' Sexuality. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 798260. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.798260

Janssen, E., & Bancroft, J. (2007). The dual control model: The role of sexual inhibition and excitation in sexual arousal and behavior. The psychophysiology of sex, 15, 197-222.

Nagoski, E. (2015). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon and Schuster.

Panzeri, M., Ferrucci, R., Cozza, A., and Fontanesi, L. (2020). Changes in sexuality and quality of couple relationship during the Covid-19 lockdown. Front. Psychol. 11:565823. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.565823

Roy, D., & Srivastava, S. (2023). Environmental Factors: Sexual Desire. In Encyclopedia of Sexual Psychology and Behavior (pp. 1-7). Cham: Springer International Publishing.

Servais, V. (2018). Anthropomorphism in Human–Animal Interactions: A Pragmatist View. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 401521. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02590

cover art: @bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?