It was complicated, it was also just the beginning. A decision. A simple choice. There is always that one moment in life where things could have been different. That one moment where you could have chosen a path that would lead you down a certain road. A different life. It was easier to pretend that we were still best friends, and that she was my girl and I was her boy. Pretending was better than knowing the truth. I. Ruined. Us. I had her. I lost her. I love her. All I did was complicate us.

It was only a matter of time until the truth came out. I never thought it would come to this. I tried, God knows I tried to stay away from her but eventually I crossed that line and broke that trust. I could no longer go back and I sure as f--k didn't regret a single moment of it. I knew there would be hell to pay, I knew the wrath I'd be facing but I would willingly take the burns and scars just to have the love of my best friend's sister. If there is one person I'd willingly go to hell and back for it was Lillian Ryder.

I fell in love with her when I was 17. She brought me to my knees when I was 20. I loved her against reason. I loved her against hope. I loved her against all odds. Now she's back, a constant reminder of what I lost, what could have been. I hate her. I resent her. I still love her. Can I forgive her? Will she be my end once again or my beginning?

They say in order to find yourself you have to go home. What if home was what you were running from? Where did that leave you? Always on the other side of the fence. Always looking in. Always wishing you were someone you couldn't be. Until one day you meet her. The one. She was my high, but she was also...My demise.

Living in a world where I was worth more dead than alive was a choice. I was a bad man; I never claimed to be anything else. I've done things I'm not proud of, seen things that can't be unseen. I've caused pain that I can't undo. It was all my choice. Every decision. Every order. Right and wrong never mattered. Until her. She was under my protection, until she became my obsession.