What does it mean to create safety in your business, and what happens when we get it wrong?

In this episode of the Embodied Business series, Rabbi Reiser and I sit down to unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in service-based business: the tension between needing to close sales while striving to provide safety for potential clients.

We break down what "safety" means from a nervous system perspective, and the difference between urgency that's honest and urgency that's manufactured. We also get into something that doesn't get talked about enough: how much of the coercive energy in online marketing is actually the business owner's own unprocessed anxiety being pushed onto the potential client.

Toward the end of the episode, we'll bring in the piece that holds it all together: bitachon as a lived, embodied experience essential in our businesses.

To explore what it looks like to step out of the this marketing cycle and run our businesses from a place of genuine safety, listen to the full episode.

A Companion Read

Seth Godin has been saying for years what this episode is about: stop trying to coerce people, find the smallest viable audience, serve them, and trust that the work is enough. His book, This Is Marketing, is the clearest version of this argument I've seen, and demonstrates what it means to show the right people what's possible for them, and letting them decide. Highly recommended.

Amazon link

This week, my husband Rabbi Yonasan Reiser and I talked about something I get asked about fairly often: how to choose a somatic training program.

My answer might surprise you.

We're taking a model of learning that's designed for cognitive content and applying it to body-based work. The model is information-heavy and lecture-based, and I think that's a problem for what we have here.

If you're learning a somatic modality, at least 70% of your time in training should be experiential. Learning this modality doesn't work by watching or listening to lectures. To be effective, we need to actually practice it in all three roles: as a practitioner, as a client, and as an observer.

The reason is simple: if you don't have the lived experience of what you're guiding your client through, you can't guide them.

In this week's episode, I also talk about why the nervous system needs a little context before jumping into practice, and why ongoing practice after training is what separates the practitioners who can actually use this work effectively from those who can't.

And then I tell a story I don't share often. When I was looking for a focusing practitioner for myself, I worked with several people who claimed to do focusing, and I was appalled. What they were doing caused re-traumatization. They were good people trying their best, but they didn't have the depth of lived experience that this work requires.

This kind of training needs to be lived. Join the conversation and let me know what you think.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend The Power of Focusing by Ann Weiser Cornell. Cornell studied directly with Eugene Gendlin, the originator of Focusing, and this is probably the most practical guide to Focusing that exists. It's not theoretical; instead, it walks you through how to actually do it.

This maps directly onto everything we talked about today: the difference between understanding something conceptually and having the lived experience of it. This book won't give you the lived experience that only comes from doing the work with another person, of course, but it's the closest thing to a hands-on guide you'll find in print. Order a copy here. This is an affiliate link which doesn't cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Focusing-Practical-Emotional-Self-Healing/dp/157224044X?tag=towardsahealt-20

When someone comes to you with a request or a demand, there are two things you can do: support or acquiesce.

Supporting means both people exist. You're here, they're here, and it's a real relationship.

Acquiescing means you stop existing, like a balloon where all the air goes out of one side to inflate the other.

In this episode, we talk about what it actually looks like in a business context to stay present while serving your clients. We get into the nervous system piece: why fawning is a behavior and not a state, and why it doesn't actually regulate you. We talk about hishtadlus inside Menuchas HaNefesh. And we get practical: filters, recordings, scheduling, and how to use your needs and your clients' needs as the compass for every business decision.

If you've ever bent yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate a client, and then felt resentful or burned out, like you're serving everyone but yourself, then this one's for you.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. This is the book where fawning as a concept was developed, originating in Pete Walker's work with complex trauma. The way he describes it maps directly onto everything we talked about today: giving yourself up in order to feel safe, stopping existing for the sake of the other person, and the nervous system cost of living that way over time. It's not a light read, but it's not overly clinical, either. Walker writes from both a professional and a personal place, and that comes through. Order a copy here . This is an affiliate link which doesn't cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

What is therapy actually for? This week, we got into one of the questions I think about most, and it led us somewhere really unexpected.

We started with the idea of "the edge," that place in Focusing between what we already know about ourselves and what we don't yet know. That's where real change happens. Not in the rehashing, not in the advice-giving, not in mapping everything we've already mapped, but in the unknown territory that only opens up when we slow down enough to get there.

From there we talked about why self-help books, while genuinely valuable, can only take us so far, and why knowing something and actually integrating it are two completely different things. The Sifsei Chaim has something beautiful to say about this: the avodah isn't the knowing, it's the bringing-to-the-heart. Because the longest distance is to our hearts, and our hearts need constant reminder.

We also got into what focusing sessions actually look like from the inside, from the "edge extravaganza" days to the days you just don't want to go there at all, and why a person cannot take themselves out of jail, and why that's not something to be ashamed of.

Plus the Super Mario metaphor that I'm pretty sure will stick with you. Join us.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Focusing by Eugene Gendlin. This is the foundational text: the book that introduced the concept of the edge, the felt sense, and what it means to bring something from information into the body. Everything we talked about today lives in this book. If you're a practitioner who wants to understand what you're actually helping your clients do when you slow things down, or if you're someone who's been in therapy for years and wondering why knowing things isn't moving you forward, this is where to go next. Order a copy here. This is an affiliate link which doesn't cost you anything extra and helps support my work. Focusing: Gendlin, Eugene T.: 9780553278330: Amazon.com: Books

Mindful Week Completion

In Rena's guided somatic mindfulness practice, we started by taking deep breaths, allowing our inhales to go as deep as our bodies were willing, and extending our exhales. We tuned into our bodies, feeling the support of the surface beneath us, and allowed ourselves to sink into it. We then brought to mind everything that needed to be done to finish off our week, noticing the emotions and physical sensations that arose. We distinguished each emotion, sensation, and thought, checking in with each part of ourselves to understand its needs. With compassion, we acknowledged and accepted these parts, listening to what form of support they required. Finally, we noticed the impact of this mindful practice on our bodies and asked for Hashem's assistance to help us support these parts as we moved forward.

If you feel called to support my mission of promoting Menuchas Hanefesh and self-care, please consider one or more of the following.

1) Share this episode with a friend or family member you think would appreciate it.

2) Leave a review on your favorite podcast app or my website.

3) Send me an email or message with your experience listening to this.

4) Make a donation on my website: https://renareiser.com/product/the-daily-pause/

Thank you for your support!

Embodying Relaxing and Trusting Hashem

During our guided somatic mindfulness practice with Rena, we took a journey inward to become more embodied. We began by taking deep breaths, inviting our breath to signal that it was okay to slow down, relax, and let go. We allowed our bodies to settle into the surface beneath us, feeling thoroughly supported. Rena asked us to recall a time when we struggled physically, emotionally, or spiritually, and then suddenly found help. We sensed this in our bodies, remembering the relief and safety it brought. We then brought to mind a current, smaller struggle, sensing how it felt in our bodies. We recalled the past help we received, trusting that we could rely on Hashem's support again. We were encouraged to let go of responsibilities that weren't ours and to feel supported, knowing Hashem's help would come as it always has.

If you feel called to support my mission of promoting Menuchas Hanefesh and self-care, please consider one or more of the following.

1) Share this episode with a friend or family member you think would appreciate it.

2) Leave a review on your favorite podcast app or my website.

3) Send me an email or message with your experience listening to this.

4) Make a donation on my website: https://renareiser.com/product/the-daily-pause/

Thank you for your support!

Breath Awareness

During our guided somatic mindfulness practice with Rena, we embarked on a journey to become more embodied. We began by taking a few deep breaths, allowing our breath to go as deep as it could at that moment without forcing it. We grounded ourselves by feeling the support of the surface beneath us and invited our bodies to settle further. We focused intently on our breath, tracking its rhythm, temperature, and texture. Then, we defocused, simply being aware of the vast oxygen around us, sensing its nourishing presence. We gently moved our heads, exploring the air from different directions, before returning our focus to our breath, observing any changes. By the end, we reflected on any shifts in our body and mind, appreciating the awareness we brought to our breath and the world around us.

If you feel called to support my mission of promoting Menuchas Hanefesh and self-care, please consider one or more of the following.

1) Share this episode with a friend or family member you think would appreciate it.

2) Leave a review on your favorite podcast app or my website.

3) Send me an email or message with your experience listening to this.

4) Make a donation on my website: https://renareiser.com/product/the-daily-pause/

Thank you for your support!

Music's Presence and Absence

In our guided somatic mindfulness practice with Rena, we began by taking deep breaths, allowing our breath to flow naturally. We invited our bodies to relax and sink into the surface beneath us, releasing tension and slowing down to be present with ourselves. Rena then introduced the topic of music, guiding us to observe how our bodies responded to thoughts of music, noting the physical sensations and emotions that arose. We explored the contrast by considering the absence of music, again noticing our bodily and emotional reactions. We alternated between these experiences, paying attention to the sensations and feelings each evoked. This practice helped us understand that our bodies can tolerate both extremes, provided we maintain a sense of safety. We concluded by reflecting on what enabled us to be present with both experiences and considering how to carry this awareness into our daily lives.

If you feel called to support my mission of promoting Menuchas Hanefesh and self-care, please consider one or more of the following.

1) Share this episode with a friend or family member you think would appreciate it.

2) Leave a review on your favorite podcast app or my website.

3) Send me an email or message with your experience listening to this.

4) Make a donation on my website: https://renareiser.com/product/the-daily-pause/

Thank you for your support!