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What if anger wasn’t the problem to solve but a message to translate? We dig into the real mechanics of emotional regulation, from the childhood patterns that prime our reactions to the nervous system tools that bring us back to center. Licensed therapist and host Mary Rothwell welcomes mental health coach Davina Hehn for a candid, story-rich conversation about raising resilient kids while keeping a strong partnership intact.

We start by reframing anger as a secondary emotion—often covering disappointment, fear, or loneliness—and share how suppression masquerades as control. Davina breaks down simple, science-backed tools you can try today: visual cues that interrupt anger loops, humming to activate the vagus nerve, and playful code words that defuse tension without shaming anyone. You’ll hear how to model repair in front of your kids, apologize for behaviors without apologizing for feelings, and turn everyday conflicts into a master class in accountability and calm.

Then we explore Davina’s Parenting vs Partnership lens, a fresh way to understand why many couples clash after kids. Some of us are wired to prioritize the relationship; others feel most alive in hands-on parenting. Naming your default reduces blame and opens space to borrow strengths from the other side. Along the way, we talk resilience over rescue, boundaries that protect rather than control, and how to build a home where rupture is expected and repair is guaranteed.

If you’re ready to replace reactivity with clarity and raise children who trust their own capacity to face hard things, this one’s for you. Listen, share it with a friend, and tell us: are you wired more for parenting or partnership? Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find the show.

You can find Davina at https://www.asteadyspace.com/

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

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Big life changes have a way of exposing what we value most. As we prepare to sell our home and head into the city, I found myself leaning on a simple, sturdy framework to keep conversations clear and compassionate: five core needs that shape almost every choice we make—safety and security, belonging, achievement, joy, and freedom.

I walk through each need in plain language and show how it plays out in real decisions. Safety looks like planning and risk control; belonging sounds like peacemaking and connection; achievement wants progress and visible results; joy seeks grounded delight in everyday moments; freedom prioritizes choice, autonomy, and space. Each need offers a strength and carries a shadow. When we understand the driver beneath a behavior, we stop arguing about the surface issue and start solving for what really matters.

I share practical ways to spot needs at work, translate puzzling behavior into clear motivation, and make offers that meet people where they are: build the plan for safety, create regular touchpoints for belonging, hand off ownership for achievement, design small rituals for joy, and keep options open for freedom. By naming your top two needs and recognizing those of the people around you, you create a shared language that lowers defensiveness, reduces conflict, and invites real collaboration.

If this lens helps you navigate your next hard conversation or big decision, share the episode with a friend who could use it. Subscribe for more thoughtful minis, leave a quick review to help others find the show, and tell me: which two needs drive you most right now?

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

What if healing isn’t something you finish, but a way you move while you’re still hurting? That question anchors our conversation with author, speaker, and coach Laura Bratton, who was diagnosed at nine with a rare retinal disease and lost her vision over her teen years. The timeline was uncertain, the grief relentless, and the pressure to “stay positive” intense. Laura shares how permission to grieve—given by a college counselor—reframed everything: you can mourn a non-death loss and still take the next step forward.

We unpack a more human definition of grit: not grinning and bearing it, but feeling the panic, naming the anger, and choosing meaningful action anyway. Laura explains how gratitude became an empowerment tool when a mentor challenged her to notice the supports that helped her get through hard days. Not gratitude for the adversity, but gratitude for what carries you through it—parents who coach presence, teachers who adapt, friends who stay. Some days the only honest gratitude is that the day is over. That counts.

Laura also talks about building the muscle of self-advocacy. When Princeton admitted her to a master’s program and asked her to define her needs, she learned to state requirements clearly, explain why they matter, and accept that she can’t control others’ responses. We explore the role of humor—found later through community—as a gentle way to hold both joy and pain. Along the way, you’ll hear practical tools to navigate change: validate your feelings, ask for help without shame, reframe what you can, and take one more step forward.

If you’re facing a diagnosis, divorce, job loss, or any season of uncertainty, this story offers grounded hope and usable practices. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find conversations that honor both the hurt and the courage it takes to keep going.

You can find Laura at https://www.laurabratton.com/

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

Ever told yourself “just do the thing” while doomscrolling and calling it laziness? We go beneath that loop to decode how ADHD shows up in women: inattentive traits, time blindness, “out of sight, out of mind,” and the quiet ways socialization teaches us to mask chaos until it becomes shame. Licensed therapist Mary Rothwell sits down with ADHD life coach and educator Jorie Houlihan, who was diagnosed at 49, to map the territory from dismissal to validation and the skills that make daily life work.

Jorie explains the brain basics—dopamine, norepinephrine, and why frontal lobe filtering misfires—then connects them to real life: forgetting people you love when they’re not in view, struggling to prioritize when everything feels equally urgent, and losing hours to task avoidance even while your inner monologue begs you to start. We break down the overlap with anxiety and depression, how untreated ADHD fuels both, and why hormones matter: cycle shifts and perimenopause can tank dopamine and intensify symptoms. The conversation also tackles emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity, naming why women internalize criticism and how language reduces shame.

Medication can be transformative, but “pills don’t teach skills.” Jorie offers practical systems: externalizing thoughts, identifying the next micro-step before a break, using visual timers, guarding against novelty burnout, and choosing priorities by consequences and dependencies. We talk about relationships too—how partners can mistake ADHD for indifference, why education helps, and the relief that comes when everyone has a shared map. If you’re wondering where to start, we outline assessment options, therapy for grief and self-talk, and coaching to build daily guardrails that stick.

You’re not lazy or broken. You’re learning a new manual for a powerful operating system you’ve had all along. Listen, save your favorite tools, and share this with someone who needs a clearer picture of women’s ADHD. If the episode helped, follow the show or leave a review!

You can find Jorie at https://joriehoulihan.com/

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

What if the pursuit of happiness is leading you away from the life you actually want? We dig into a kinder, sturdier target—equilibrium—and show how to build it through three practical pillars inspired by Arthur C. Brooks’s take on Thomas Aquinas and grounded in lived experience. Instead of chasing constant highs, we lay out a simple framework for steady days: know yourself, focus your passions, and train willpower like a muscle.

We start by mapping real routines and frictions. If the gym detour never happens, move the workout into your flow. If washed fruit keeps you on track, prep it once and make the better choice the easy choice. We talk about solitude as fuel, the subtle signals of being off balance, and how mindfulness, prayer, or therapy can turn vague discomfort into clear, actionable insight. Then we pivot to passion without burnout: pruning inputs, picking one priority, and choosing a small repeating action that compounds into identity.

Finally, we reframe willpower from a moral test to a trainable skill. Pre-decide your defaults, use environmental cues, and practice progressive resistance—choices that get easier only when your capacity grows. Expect joy to come in flashes and let contentment carry the rest. By the end, you’ll have a compact, human plan for the new year that rejects grand overhauls in favor of honest, sustainable habits that fit your real life.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a steadier path, and leave a quick review to tell us the one small habit you’re starting this week.

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

The shortest days of the year can sharpen our sense of what’s sacred. We lean into that seasonal stillness to tease apart religion as a set of rules and spirituality as a living, breathing experience, then explore how stories shape who we become. Our guest, spiritual guide and facilitator Kristen Swan, shares how a childhood of opposites—chaos and structure, permissive adventure and reserved expectations—sparked a lifelong curiosity about identity, control, and creative freedom. Together we look at why so many women carry invisible labor, over-function in relationships, and deflect simple compliments, and how those reflexes keep us small.

From there, we introduce a grounded practice: the spiritual autobiography. Think of it as a living document that traces where you’ve brushed up against the more-than-self, written not to impress but to be true. Kristen walks us through defining key words on our own terms—spirit, prayer, sin, hope—so we can swap borrowed scripts for felt meaning. Through memory prompts and group sharing, this process turns snapshots of life into a map, revealing patterns, resilience, and the places where purpose actually lives. We call it “mapping hope,” the moment you recognize you’re still here after every twist and break, and your story is still unfolding.

We also talk practical tools to make reflection stick: small, in-person circles that build community across differences and a prompts journal to declutter the mind, notice patterns, and support better decisions. If the holidays feel heavy or hollow, this conversation offers a gentle reframe and a path back to what matters—your nature, your voice, and your definition of success. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a quick review to help others find us.

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

Ever notice how a quiet room can make your heart race when you’re used to slammed doors and sharp words? We dig into why peace can feel unsafe if you grew up around chaos and how that early conditioning shapes what your nervous system calls “normal.” With Dr. Rebecca Payne, a California-based psychologist who specializes in anxiety and relationships, we translate attachment theory into everyday language and practical steps you can use right away.

We break down secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment without the jargon, then connect the dots to modern dating dynamics: why the anxious-avoidant loop is so common, how mixed signals keep the nervous system on high alert, and what it takes to rewire those patterns. We talk little t versus big T trauma, how two people can live the same event and experience wildly different outcomes, and how to tell the difference between true resilience and polished suppression. You’ll hear how the amygdala acts like a smoke detector, why your body often “knows” before your brain does, and how headaches, stomach aches, and irritability are often stress messages in disguise.

We also tackle the double-edged sword of social media’s mental health boom. Greater openness means more people seek help sooner, but it also fuels self-diagnosis and misused labels. We share guidelines for spotting reliable content and using online language as a starting point, not a sentence. To close, we offer clear strategies to reset what safe feels like: small exposure to calm, consistent routines, naming sensations, and communicating needs. If therapy is on your mind, you’ll get tips on finding a therapist who fits, why consultations matter, and how to measure progress by flexibility rather than perfection.

If the familiar keeps pulling you back into old cycles, this conversation gives you a roadmap to choose healthier love and steadier self-trust. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us one pattern you’re ready to rewrite.

You can find Rebecca at https://itsdoctorpayne.com/

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!

Holiday gatherings can feel like a pressure cooker when old dynamics collide with high hopes. We open up about the quiet bargain many of us make—if we do more, maybe they’ll hurt us less—and why that bargain drains joy. Instead, we walk through a practical, compassionate shift: expect the expected. When someone’s track record reliably brings criticism or dismissal, predicting a different outcome sets us up for pain. Grounding our plans in reality doesn’t make us cold; it makes us kinder to ourselves and more present for those who care.

We unpack the unpleasable parent pattern and how it sneaks into menu choices, gift lists, and last-minute errands. By asking who we’re doing it for and what response we’re expecting, we reclaim control over our energy and time. If you choose to keep a tradition, do it because it lights you up, not because you hope for a rare compliment. If you decide to scale back, you free space for connection that actually lands—laughter in the kitchen, a quiet cup of tea, a moment of calm after the table is cleared. Boundaries become tools for hospitality, not barriers to it.

You’ll hear simple ways to reduce resentment and protect your peace: shorter visits, clear expectations, and a realistic view of how certain relatives behave. We also emphasize redirecting effort toward the people who see you—those who give back the goodwill you offer. Joy grows when approval stops being the scorecard. If the holidays have felt heavy, this conversation offers a path to lighter, truer celebrations that honor your values and your heart.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs gentler holidays, and leave a quick review. Your stories help others find theirs—and help all of us choose joy over approval.

Support the show

Sign up for the launch team for my book, Nature Knows, and get free insider news and surprises at https://maryrothwell.net/natureknows

Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at NSVpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingviolets

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!