Conflict Isn't the Problem: Fighting Better with Gottman's Four Horsemen Tammy and Norman discuss why conflict is normal in healthy relationships and why the goal is not to eliminate it but to manage it well. Citing Dr. John and Julie Gottman's research that nearly 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual, they explain that many arguments are rooted in disconnection and feelings like being unheard, unsafe, or unimportant. They outline the Gottmans' Four Horsemen of destructive conflict—criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt—and share antidotes including gentle startups with "I" statements, taking partial responsibility and validating without agreeing, taking 15–20 minute breaks when flooded without rehearsing arguments, and replacing contempt with gratitude, respect, and repair through apology. They distinguish perpetual problems (differences in needs, values, and personality) from solvable issues (behaviors and compromises), emphasizing curiosity, compassion, and finding workable agreements. They also share a recent example where Norman stonewalled after feeling deprioritized when asking for computer help, and how Tammy used calm repair, validation, and patience to reconnect. The episode closes with tools for healthier conflict—avoid contempt, take responsibility, accept repair attempts, and lead with curiosity—reinforcing that it's not about fighting less, but fighting better, because healthy love is practice, not perfection.

🌐 Website: https://www.livingincolor.com/

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/visionariesoflivingincolor

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/visionariesoflivingincolor

🎙 Living In Color on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YqfpT8FrMqhpJRVUpo8oW

💋 The Pleasure Principles: https://linktr.ee/ThePleasurePrinciples

If you've ever wondered whether love can survive clashing needs, different relationship blueprints, or life transitions that shake your foundation—this conversation is for you.

🌈 Living in Color: Love, Life & Everything in Between is about the messy, meaningful work of connection—and learning to stay in it, together.

If you want to learn more about your own Attachment Style, Tammy (aka The Pleasure Principal) has created a guide just for you. Get it Here!

Before we dive into love, attachment, conflict, intimacy, and everything in between—we wanted to start here.

In this introduction episode of Living in Color: Love, Life & Everything in Between, we share who we are, why we created this podcast, and what you can expect from the conversations ahead.

We're Tammy Fisher and Norman Lloyd—married therapists, an interracial couple, parents, and lifelong students of relationships. Between us, we bring experience in couples therapy, sexual health, military life, trauma, blended families, and the very real work of navigating differences inside a relationship.

But this podcast isn't just professional.

It's personal.

We've wrestled with different attachment styles, conflicting expectations, family transitions, and the tension between closeness and autonomy. We know what it's like to love deeply and still struggle.

Living in Color is our space to talk about relationships honestly—without oversimplifying, shaming, or pretending it's easy.

In this episode, we'll share:

• Why we believe love isn't lived in black and white

• How our differences shaped this podcast

• What "Living in Color" really means

• Who this show is for

If you've ever felt like love is beautiful and complicated at the same time—you're in the right place.

Start here. Then join us for Episode 1: Can Love Survive the Differences?

Visit our website:
👉 Visionaries of Living In Color

Follow along on Instagram:
👉 @visionariesoflivingincolor

Follow along on Facebook:
👉 @visionariesoflivingincolor

And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss what's next.