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  • 13: My baby number 3

    13: My baby number 3
    Feb 20 2021
    Transcript for Ep13:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my thoughts on baby #3After my 2nd birth, Baby #3 is always in my mind. However, it was always on hold because my purpose then was to reach out to the new mothers. To achieve that, I attended pre and postnatal massage courses because it was the easiest way to achieve my aim. It was at that point in time that I really made a decision to totally give up accountancy and not to go back to an office job. For the past 10 years, I attended many courses while doing mummy baby work.Friends told me “Sharon, you have enough training.” and they did not understand why I was always taking courses. But I felt that there were some doubts inside me that kept me searching for an answer. It was part of my postnatal recovery and healing to know what I needed to know to overcome and accept the past. My postnatal was the toughest and I was in search of an answer.My husband scolded me TRASH and said that I did not know how to take care of our baby. I felt misunderstood, depressed and angry. Mother knows best. I truthfully agree. But how can a mother know best when there is so much separation of mother n baby from day 1 after the baby is born and especially if everyone is out of a sudden so crazy over the newborn baby and wanted to carry the baby instead of letting the mother and the baby together. In my newborn preparation course, I always explain by quoting simple examples for parents to understand. How can 2 people get to know each other better?Ok, so, you like someone and at first you need to find excuses to meet the person. Say, oh I passed by here, just drop by to say hi to you. “How are you? Have you eaten?” “ok, bye, see you.”Then both of you meet more regularly, say weekly then daily until both of you decide to get married to live together and share the same room and same bed.It is the physical presence that a person can get to know another person. So how can we expect a new mother to know best if the baby is sleeping alone in a separate and dark room by himself. In the first place, do you feel safe sleeping alone in a dark room? Then, we expect a new mother to know best when a newborn baby sleeps long and deep in a dark room alone.While a mother knows best, the mother's recovery after childbirth is important. Is her wishes acknowledged and respected? Does she feel nurtured and supported?My postnatal recovery took me years. I also did overnight newborn baby care for new mummies who needed extra help. After gaining experiences with babies, I further my training in postnatal care for mummy and physiologic baby care. Many of my doubts in postnatal health of women and baby behaviours were all answered in these courses. The training was very in depth and detailed. By this time, I have confident that I know how to take care of myself and my newborn baby if I have baby #3. It feels very different this time round. I know what to expect for a newborn baby who requires a 24 hours round the clock care. I know exactly what to do and how to do things right this time. I am full of baby energy and hoping for baby #3 whenever my old or new clients or friends tell me that they are pregnant. I am more than ready for another baby now.I went to a fortune teller, just a few steps away from my shop for some insight. When he first looked at my birth year, he said that to increase the chances of conceiving was to do IVF and easier to opt for cesarean. That was not my option at all. He is famous, very experienced, fast and accurate in his interpretation. The consultation was S$18. Then he said that based on my bazi, which is my birth date and time, these 2 years are not favourable for me to conceive. Later he added that I can try to have baby #3 because based on my bazhi calculation, I have 3 kids. He also asked if I ever had miscarriage before. Many years back, I went to another fortune teller and he said I have 3 kids. I will have a son before age 40 and after the age of 40, I will have daughters. Things change slightly now and I believe we control our own destiny. Now the new fortune teller told me that I will have 2 boys and 1 girl and my kids are smart kids. I already have a son and a daughter. I think my daughter is smart but I am yet to see the potential of my son. I am not sure if he is smart but perhaps time will tell. My husband did not believe in fortune telling. Before we got married, I suggested that we match our birth dates to see if we were compatible but he did not want to do it. So, I did not tell them about the fact that I went to a fortune teller regarding baby #3.My husband is 7 years my senior. Initially when I said I feel very lonely and alone sometimes and wished to have baby #3, he objected because of our age concern.I told him that if I am really pregnant, then we can say that it is an accident, unplanned pregnancy ...
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    13 Min.
  • 12: How Moxibustion leads me to open a physical shop

    12: How Moxibustion leads me to open a physical shop
    Feb 13 2021
    Transcript for Ep12: Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you how Moxibustion leads me to open a physical shopRest and warm after childbirth are the keys to good health. My body was cold, I had wind in my body, I had lower backache so I thought moxibustion warm therapy would be suitable for me. Four years after the birth of my 2nd baby, I asked my moxibustion trainer to recommend me a suitable spa where I could get the best price as I wanted to do it as long-term maintenance to strengthen my body. The female therapist was my moxibustion course mate. I only realised it when I saw an old photo taken some time back at the moxibustion training school. She was just sitting behind me in the photo. She is from China but she can type in English when I texted her so it is easy for me.It was by chance that I got to learn about moxibustion while waiting for a friend outside her shop. I was earlier and I was looking around. The moxi training school was 3 shops away. After completing the course, I knew I needed to do moxi and at that time, I signed the basic 3 months wellness plan. Each session was about 2 hours but there were 2 therapists who attended to me at the same time. I did a lot of body parts including facial moxibustion as well. I knew that my body needed more sessions. So finally, 2 years later, I went to the spa my moxi trainer recommended.I religiously followed the wellness plan because I truly knew how it worked. Initially, it was very intent. There are 12 sets of products for various parts like kidney, digestion, liver, ovary. I did a lot of parts including facial and breast moxibustion as well. After childbirth, my skin was very dry, especially around my eyes area, there were wrinkles so I also did facial moxibustion to improve my skin elasticity and my dull skin.I did breast moxibustion to prevent sagging breast, improve the lymph and blood circulation. Doing breast moxi and to clear residual milk even years after I stopped breastfeeding were still necessary for a woman’s breast health. After I stopped breastfeeding, my breasts were smaller but after the breast moxi with the improved circulation which brings nutrients to the breast, my therapist also noticed that my breast size was bigger. Since then, I noticed that my breasts are firmer too. I was really serious about doing moxibustion to improve my health. The warmth from burning the mugwort herb, which is the pure yang herb is very powerful. The warmth helped to clear my meridian pathway to expel coldness, wind and dampness from my body. I signed up for many sessions. Moxibstion warm therapy is not cheap as with all other natural alternative therapies but it was money well spent.My memory index was so low that I was afraid that I might have dementia when I get older. So I did head moxi for early prevention. The therapist held the burning moxi stick at least 3 cm over the acupuncture points above my skin. I felt a sense of very deep relaxation because warmth felt very comfortable over my cold body. I tried my best to go for the session 3x in the first week before I continue to maintain at 2x per week. My body was warmed up when I followed the wellness plan. Very soon within the first few sessions in the first week, moxi warm helped me to expel coldness from my body and I started to feel that my soles of the feet were ice cold during every session. It took me half a year to expel coldness and after that I no longer feel that my feet were cold. The therapist covered me with layers and layers of towels for half a year. She was sweating away during my moxi session because I asked her to switch off the air-con which was too cold for me at that time. After my session, the warm continued to circulate in my body and I got to wear a sweater after the session.This China lady is a few months younger than me. Many times, during my moxi therapy sessions, I told her that I wished to have a physical shop next time because I always hoped to teach group newborn preparation course and also provide moxibustion therapy.One day, the female therapist informed me that the rental lease was expiring soon and she was moving out. She asked me to consider if I were keen to takeover the unit. It was not ready to have a physical shop then because I did not know much about how to manage a business if I had a shop. To encourage me to takeover the shop unit, she came out with a lot of white lies. She told me that her fee would be higher in the new location and she would not be able to bring her old existing clients over to her new location. She told me not to change the shop too much so that her clients could recognize the shop. She wanted to test my moxibustion techniques on her so that it was easier to recommend me to her client.So, she would pass the old existing clients to me when I took over the unit. At the end, she only had one client with a...
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    13 Min.
  • 11: Why I prefer to have a physical shop instead of doing home visits.

    11: Why I prefer to have a physical shop instead of doing home visits.
    Feb 6 2021
    Transcript for Ep11:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you why I prefer to have a physical shop instead of doing home visits.Many mummies do not understand why I want to have a shop to pay rental instead of continuing to do home visit services. Some of my clients are business owners themselves and have a physical shop but they also asked me the same question because it is more popular to do home visits for my services.I had a lot of training in body massage. However, I never see myself as a masseuse. My purpose was to reach out to the new mothers and the easiest way was to do pre and postnatal massage with belly wrapping. I received many nice reviews from clients on my massage too. I had clients who trusted and loved me so much that they felt so comfortable with me that they wanted me to massage them during their labour in the hospital. I had prenatal clients who needed the prenatal massage during pregnancy because it was difficult for them to sleep well with the growing fetus inside them. Normally, they would pay me first and after the massage, when my client dozed off, I would cover them with a blanket, switch off the light and quietly leave the room. I could spend 7 hours travelling and doing 5 hours of work. I remembered one day, there was a sudden downpour of rain but I needed to walk to my client's house and when I reached there, my pants were all wet. After the prenatal massage, my pants were dried. When I walked out, it rained again. I was very hard working then. Sometimes, I reached home past midnight. It was a very rewarding and fulfilling experience.I personally did not go for body massage. My first massage was postnatal massage with belly wrapping after childbirth. Even those who don't like to do massage know about postnatal massage and will find masseuse to come to the house to do it. There is high demand for home visit pre and postnatal massage. For home visit massage, many want it cheap and good. So, it is very easy for me to turn away clients. I once had clients who kept asking about promotion and 1st trial when I was doing home visit services. When I checked her address on “how to go” aps, I realised that the place was at Sentosa. It is very time consuming and more costly to go to Sentosa because it is far. I had another client asking for promotion and when the taxi driver asked me was the address at a condo or normal HDB flat. I said HDB. We could not find the block number. To my surprise, my client who was asking for promotion was living in a condo with 2 maids. When I just had a shop, one prenatal client asked me about home visit postnatal massage after childbirth. I did not want to quote her because she wanted to compare prices. I just turned her down. I did not want to get into the business of engaging home visit masseuse and also the coordinating work. So, right from the start when I have a shop, I did not employ masseuse under my business.I still do home visit services for lactation breast massage and moxibustion warm therapy. Only in rare situations that I do pre and postnatal massage for clients in the comfort of their homes. My focus is no longer on massage. With a physical shop, I want to fulfil my dream to teach group newborn preparation course and I also specialised in doing moxibustion warm therapy.I always felt the need to “get out” and could not station in one place for long. Home visits used to work out very well for me. After doing various alternative therapies over the years, it was a breakthrough that I had the thought of settling down and stationed in a place to have a physical shop. Now, I enjoyed being alone in my shop. I love the peace and my personal space. My previous shop at bugis cube was at level 3 where there was a window at the back where the sunlight shined in. It felt so warm and comfortable. After 2 years when the contact ended, I moved to City Gate basement 1 where it is really enclosed. It was really a breakthrough! I feel very comfortable and I no longer feel the need to “get out”. I make it a point that I will only consider doing home visit when my client trusts me and knows me long enough. If not, I have heartache when I can understand a baby cry and when I tell my client what to do based on the cry, my client does not trust me and I can’t do anything for the baby. Sometimes, clients trust their confinement nannies more.It is much easier for me when my client trusts me. I visited my client for postnatal massage and moxibustion warm therapy for her husband. Every time I went to her house, I heard one of the twins crying the need to-be-burp cry. I suggested that the nanny burp the baby. She did not take my word seriously. She carried the baby in the upright position without burping and after a while she put the baby down. The discomfort was still there and soon the baby cried the same cry again.Then ...
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    13 Min.
  • 10: Taking care of my boy and a newborn

    10: Taking care of my boy and a newborn
    Jan 29 2021
    Transcript for Ep10:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my experience of handling my toddler and a newborn.I did things differently with my 2nd birth. I engaged a confinement nanny to stay overnight with my family for 28 days. My friend recommended her malaysia nanny but I got a Singaporean nanny because I wanted to have part time help in the second month without the nanny staying in my house. I told the nanny that she must also take care of my boy. At the end of the one month, the nanny told me that there wasn’t a need to do 2 months confinement. So I got only 1.5 month help, which I knew was not enough. One day, while I was preparing to bring my boy downstairs, I could not find my boy in the house. I asked the nanny and she said she did not know because she was busy in the kitchen. The door was opened and the bicycle was gone. I rushed downstairs and I saw a big trash truck behind him while he was cycling happily. I was so scared.After my confinement, I had a hard time coping. Taking care of one toddler and a newborn was overwhelming, especially when I used to bring my boy downstairs 3 times a day before the birth of my daughter.I struggled with breastfeeding my girl who latched non-stop and she could not sleep, I could not spend time with my boy. One day, he took his little pair of shoes to me. He could not express it in words but I understood his gesture that he wanted me to bring him downstairs instead of staying home the whole time day after day. I told him I could not bring him downstairs because I needed to breastfeed his little sister.After the birth of my girl, I was struggling with breastfeeding so I could not attend to my boy. He was totally neglected. One day, my boy who was 2.5 years old, was making things very difficult for me. I was depressed and out of desperation, I chased him out of the house, I locked the gate and I looked into his eyes and said to him “you go”. The next minute, I went to the door and he was really gone. I took my baby’s milk powder and brought my girl to my neighbour and I went to look for my boy. I was afraid that if my boy boarded the public bus then it would be hard to find him. After an hour of search, I called my mother-in-law. She said to go to the police station because someone might bring my boy to the police station. I also called my natural therapist-siew fan and she used the pendulum to check for an answer and she also asked me to head towards the police station. I went to the police station to make a police report. They came to my house to ask for my boy’s photo.My boy witnessed my screaming and shouting. When I was depressed and physically very weak, I simply could not take care of a toddler who needed my attention and a newborn baby.It was so hard to get my boy to nap. From baby time until he was a toddler, he preferred to play more than anything. He would only sleep after he used up all his energy. When I was pregnant, it did not cross my mind to attend a baby care course. Feeding, burping, sleeping, bathing all seemed too simple to learn. No one actually brought the topic up to me or warned me about how tough or painful breastfeeding could be. I totally missed it out. To me, postnatal was the hardest to cope with. My mother disliked girls. There was no room in my mother’s heart for a daughter. I understand that not all parents love their child. Sometimes, it is the wrong time to get pregnant or it is an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. I believe that every child loves their parents. I longed for motherly love and protection but my voice was never being heard or respected. I was seeking a relationship which never happened between my mother and I. I wanted to build that relationship with my baby.It was important that I bond with my baby and understand what my baby wanted. At least to give breastmilk to my baby even if it was not direct latching. Due to all the stress, I had more tears than milk. My baby was fed mainly formula. I managed to maintain my low milk supply for more than a year with regular pumping.That was the emotional reason why I take breastfeeding so hard. Life would be much easier if I just gave up breastfeeding, fed my baby girl formula milk and spent time with my active boy. My boy thought that now mummy only loves the baby. To have his mother back, my boy used his little sister’s hair clips on his hair.. He smiled sweetly at me. My poor boy! For many years down the road, I explained to him that I love him more because I always wanted a boy. That did not stop him from bullying his little sister and making things difficult for her and often made her cry.When my postnatal masseuse came to massage me, my boy was so angry and shouted at her “dont touch my mummy”! Then I arranged an old colleague of mine to help me take care of my boy while I was doing the massage.It was ...
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    15 Min.
  • 9: Alternative Therapy Part 2

    9: Alternative Therapy Part 2
    Dec 18 2020
    TRANSCRIPT FOR EP9:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my experience with alternative therapies Part 2-Bach flower remedyIn my previous episode, I talked about my fear of hospitals and how I got into natural and alternative therapies. I explored various healing methods after childbirth. I experienced a lot of emotion after the birth of my 1st born and it affected me a lot. A few years ago, I chanced upon the poster of Deki Soh, the first UK Bach registered practitioner in Singapore. The poster was talking about how to use bach flower remedy for all the emotions we experienced and can help to balance them. I immediately contacted Deki Soh for a private consultation session.After a few private sessions with Deki Soh, I attended her level 1 and 2 Bach remedy class. In the class, there are 38 flower essences for you to balance your emotion. As long as we can identify the emotion, there is a matching flower remedy for it. It helps me to tune inwards to my own emotions in the present time and situation so that I can accurately identify and acknowledge my feelings to select the right remedy. Don’t be mistaken, these are all flower essence, which is different from essential oil.During the level 2 class, Deki was sharing about the holy remedy. She mentioned the use of the remedy for various situations. I thought to myself, ok I felt that I needed the remedy and immediately I reached out to the holy remedy from the wooden box and dropped 2 drops into my cup of water and drank it. The next minute when I looked up to my trainer, she looked so beautiful to me. I looked at my trainer and told her that she looked so beautiful. Then I turned to my left and looked at my course mate. I told her she looked so lovely. I looked to my right where my course mate-Ben was sitting. I said to him, he looked so cute too. He was shocked when I told him that I did not like him at first because he talked so softly and he was so gentle. I just did not have the patience for people like him. But after taking the holy remedy, everything and everyone look and feel different to me. So amazing! because it happened instantly after taking just 2 drops of the remedy. This is how I use the remediesI use Willow remedy whenever I feel resentful towards my husband. Eg when he did not seem to have as many limitations placed on his interests and needs. Or when he went to his mother’s house for dinner and came back watching endless hong kong movies. After using Willow, I do not feel any resentment and it helps me to control my emotions.It is natural for a mother to be concerned for her baby, but I was overly concerned and overly worried for my baby. In the hospital when my 1st baby was separated from me in the nursery room for jaundice treatment, I could not sleep. I walked to the nursery room 3 times at night to ask the nurse what my baby was doing. One night, I heard my baby crying in the nursery room. I went to ask what my baby boy was doing and the nurse replied he was sleeping. Then shortly the nurse told me he was crying. The separation seemed so long and it was very quiet at night. I could easily differentiate my boy’s cry from other babies. My ears could differentiate my boy’s cry but not my breasts. I remembered when I was at baby fair, I felt the painful sensation of let-down of milk when I heard other baby’s crying for milk. I felt exhausted from all the emotions inside me. I was not able to do anything to help myself then because I did not have the knowledge. Now, I learn that using Red chestnut will help to allay those fears and put them into true perspective. I can help new mothers in balancing their emotions.Pine is the remedy to help us to remove the blame we have attached to ourselves. I seeked my mother’s love but she did not like girls. I did not have a sense of belonging and also long for togetherness. I felt very lonely growing up. It was very important that I bond and form an attachment with my baby. Breastfeeding is not only about milk. The closeness and that special relationship I shared with my baby, will also cement the bond between us. Especially with my 2nd baby, she was so thin in the first month from breastfeeding. It was very challenging. When the baby doctor said that her growth was below the standard, he suggested feeding formula. When I requested to meet the lactation consultant for advice, she told me that the latch was not proper. Baby was suckling on the nipple only. Because of that, my baby did not get enough milk. When she explained it to my husband about my case, she told him that I did not have enough milk, which was different from what she explained to me. I quickly told her not to say that to my husband but she repeated to him that I did not have enough milk. I felt helpful. I felt betrayed. I thought to myself what the lactation consultant was up.I ...
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    11 Min.
  • 8: Alternative Therapy Part 1

    8: Alternative Therapy Part 1
    Dec 11 2020
    TRANSCRIPT FOR EP8:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my experience with alternative therapies Part 1Due to my fear of hospitals and as I am into natural and alternative therapies, I explore various healing methods after childbirth.I attended a free talk on chiropractic and I tried it. It was a very slow process and costly as I signed up for many sessions. I experienced an acute lower backache everytime when I bent forward to carry my baby boy when he was 5 months old. I knew I needed the spine alignment as I wanted a second baby too. The alignment was about 10 mins at most but the waiting time was longer. It was very tough for me to do so many sessions. I got to bring my 5 months old baby along as no one else was taking care of him. I was very disappointed to hear from the chiropractor that for my case, I was not quite done yet at the end of my package. I spent a lot already and it was a very slow process, so I did not want to do more.As my mother was in her 50s when she was going into menopause, her mood swing was very obvious. She would be very emotional and threatened to jump out of the window and the next minute when my father or brother came home, she would make herself a cup of tea and she would drink it like nothing had happened.Living in constant fear had a bad impact on my health. One of my friends was a coordinator in Singapore promoting an energy course which is called the Gentle Bio-Energetics. It sounded interesting so I signed up for the course. I realised that for many years later I could not expand my lung to take in deep breath. My chest felt very tight. When I was practicing energy work with my course mates, it helped me to break down the armouring, which helped to protect me for years. The gentle touch was indeed very powerful.Emotional freedom technique (EFT)I was at a bakery shop and I just asked for any recommendation of a natural therapist. It was by chance that I got to know my natural therapist - siew fan who used various techniques and skills. She used EFT for me. She has many years of experience. It worked very well for me. She always phased the sentences so accurately for me to do the EFT tapping. I went to her when I was 5 month pregnant. I was very fearful of the hospital and I was so nervous, I felt my heart was pumping out of my body when I went to the hospital for my 1st routine checkup. She also did energy work for me and I felt more grounded.Sound healingThe vibration of sound is very penetrating and powerful. I went to Lena Chen.At first I was not sure about how sound healing could help me. After much consideration, I finally sent Lena just a few simple texts telling her my concerns. She checked with my guides and told me that she could help and I need not meet up with her to do the therapy. I was glad that sound healing was very simple, effective and did not need much effort on my part. Each audio was about 1.5 mins. Lena is very responsive, committed and has a lot of insights about her clients. I could feel subtle changes going on within me. I had flashes of past memories. Sometimes, I felt that her voice was very comforting and understanding. Other times, I felt my heart was opening up. Now, I feel differently over the same issue. My perspective has changed and I feel differently about myself. Most importantly, I do not feel that Lena, as therapist, is a step higher than her client who needs her help or client becomes poorer and therapist becomes richer. I find her charges are reasonable and affordable. Moxibustion warm therapyI did not believe in the Traditional Chinese method until after the birth of my 2 children. I coped badly and it took me a long time to recover. I was physically very weak and mentally drained to a point where there is no way not to take action to improve my health and well-being. One day, while waiting for my classmate outside her spa, I chanced upon a training school just a few shops away. I was watching the video showing the TCM method using acupuncture points. The staff saw me and invited me into the training school. After understanding the course, I knew this was what I was looking for. I placed a deposit immediately. I knew that I needed moxibustion warm therapy too. I signed up for the basic 3 month wellness plan. After 2 years, I knew that it was time for me to do long term maintenance. By then my school only focused on training and I asked my trainer to help me find a suitable spa where I could go. She recommended a suitable spa. It was really value for money. I see great improvement in my overall health. It took me 6 months to expel coldness from my body. That was how weak my body was to start of with. Spine/bone alignmentOne day, I passed by a spa after lunch and there was a guy who happened to stand there. I stopped and chatted with him a bit and asked what services the spa provides. He...
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    14 Min.
  • 7: Birth of my second baby

    7: Birth of my second baby
    Dec 4 2020
    TRANSCRIPT OF EP7Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you the birth of my beautiful daughterMy 2nd birth was 3.5 hrs. When my husband came home from work, he asked if I needed to go to the hospital. I was not sure because my 1st labour was 40 hours. So, I told him maybe not so soon. He brought my boy to my mother-in-law’s house, which was nearby. When they left about 5 mins later, I called my husband to come home. I thought I birthed my baby girl already but my husband said only half the baby’s head. I breathe in and breathe down to my baby to birth my baby. My husband then received our baby. The 1st question I asked was whether it is a boy or girl because I wanted 2 boys but the doctor said it was a girl. My boy was hard to manage and I told my daughter that it is so nice to have a daughter. If not, two boys attack mummy at the same time how.Shortly after I birthed my girl, my confinement nanny arrived then followed shortly by my birth doula.I experienced water bag leakage throughout 10 over hours before I birthed my baby. There was not much painful contraction. I only felt the pain like I had a small cut and the wound over the running tap water. With my 1st baby, I only felt tightening of the abdominal muscles and mainly the nerve pain at my sacrum area when my baby shifted his position 2 days before labour. Both my births were drug free because I did not want anything to be injected into my body. It was not about the needle. I believe my body knows how to carry a baby to full term and how it should birth the baby. My basic belief is why natural birth should be painful. I was not affected by the outside voices that said that women need pain management during labour because the fear the putting drugs into my body was too much for me.When my water bag started to leak, I called my doula to come to my house but she did not feel the need to come yet. I was home and the leaking continued for more than 10 hours. When I felt some tightening of muscles at the belly area, I called my doula again. I birthed within 3.5hr. There was a traffic jam during peak hour when my doula was on her way to my house so she did not support me during my labour. After baby was born, my doula arrived. My birth doula did not know what to do and she called her boss to guide her. I was fine with that since I already birthed my baby. At that time, I did not feel the different between an experienced and a new doula. I was her 5th client. She helped me latched my baby and my baby had very strong suck. I breastfed for an hour. I had leg cramp and she helped to massage me. I put my baby on my breast after birth. I did not realise that 2 hours had passed. I tried to sit up to go to the hospital. My husband and doula were in the room with me but they did not give me a helping hand when I was trying to sit up. After numerous attempts to sit up, I fainted. Then my doula tried to call for ambulance. It was quite long after I birthed my baby.Planned home birth was costly. It was an intended homebirth so I still need to go to the hospital.When the paramedic came, he took out a very big needle, which was meant to help me deliver the placenta. I told him I did not need it. I would settle it in the hospital.The hospital viewed the delay in going to the hospital and the fact the umbilical cord clamping was much delayed was dangerous to my baby. Quite soon after we arrived at the hospital, Baby was sent to the ICU under observation. She was soon transferred to the normal nursery when the baby doctor was happy with her condition.Baby jaundiceOn the 3rd day, my baby girl got jaundice.I was very weak n dizzy. I dragged myself to the ICU to see my baby, which was at a different level.When I put my baby vertically on my chest. My baby tried to lift up her head twice to see my face but failed. On the third attempt, she finally did it. I was glad.On the 3rd day, baby had jaundice. To save medical bills and prevent my husband from nagging about the cost, I decided to be discharged. I told the nurse that I was at the discharge lodge and she could call me anytime to breastfeed my baby. I was not strong enough to sit upright and due to the bad sitting position, I suffered lower backache for many years. Medical bill for both of us was S$998 only.Separation and observation affected the breastfeeding. Back home, baby could not come to my breast. I ended up doing pumping and feeding breastmilk using the bottle. 3 takeaways:-I felt that it was important to listen to our inner voice and instinct. Find the right people I trusted to support me during the birth so that I felt confident, supported of my wish and I could relax, tune in to my body to focus on birthing my baby.Take charge of my own birthing. I could have told the doula how she could support me instead of just let her sit opposite me and watch me. ConclusionEvery ...
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    10 Min.
  • 6: My Tough Birth of My First Child and how I overcame it

    6: My Tough Birth of My First Child and how I overcame it
    Nov 27 2020
    Transcript of Ep6:Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my experience of my tough birth and how I overcome itIn my 20s, I loved to watch Bollywood Hindi movie. My time was Aishiwarya Rai. She is one of the most beautiful women on earth. I love to watch Hrithik Roshan too. He is a great dancer and an actor. I watched Hindi movie on TV every weekend and my hang out place was at Little India street. I love spices and I love Indian food. Super delicious and tasty.I was fascinated by Bollywood dance and signed up for Indian dance class when I was 32. I wanted to learn Bollywood dance but signed up for traditional Indian dance by mistake. Indian girls start learning traditional Indian dance from a very young age. My classmates were about 8 years old.Those were the days. Time flies. Now, I cannot understand the new Bollywood movie. I am out-dated. That is when I know I am not young anymore. I am more mature now and I love it. Life is beautiful with family and children.When I was pregnant in my 1st trimester, I had a dream. I wanted a boy. In my dream, I dreamt that one Indian young girl cried so badly and wanted to be my child. I really felt sad to see her crying so badly as I love Indian but I was very sure I wanted a baby boy and I rejected her straight away. She was very upset and still crying hard but I walked away.Two days before I went into labour, I experienced nerve pain at my lower back at the sacrum area. I could not sleep well or eat well for 2 days as the nerve pain was persistent.At that time, I was very fearful of hospitals. Home birth was too costly and so I chose water birth in the hospital and I engaged a doula to support me throughout my labour.When I felt some contractions on the 3th day, I informed my doula to come to my house. There was no pain, just some contractions but the nerve pain was still there throughout my labour. I asked the doula to use her hand to gently tap on my sacrum area. Once she stopped tapping, the nerve pain was still there and causing much discomfort.I did not want to take any drug or have any medical intervention because I was very fearful of any drug injected into my body. Despite all the voices and belief that women need pain relief measures during labour, I trusted my body to know what to do to carry the baby to full term and to know how to birth a baby.My thinking is that it is very normal and natural to have a baby and to give birth. My basic belief is why labour should be painful. There was no 2nd option. I only wanted natural birth without any drugs. It was my body and my baby. I chose a pro natural gnae who supported natural birth and water birth. Despite the fact that I was 37 when I birthed my 1st baby boy, my pregnancy was not high risk.My doula did not realise that my baby shifted his position slightly and he was pressing on my nerve on the lower back. My doula thought that what I was experiencing was the early stage of labour pain. Basically, I felt that there was a bit of neglectance because labour contraction is not persistence and different from nerve pain which is persistent discomfort and pain.When the contractions got stronger, my doula supported me all the way to the hospital until baby was born. She started to set up the inflatable birth tub and check for the right temperature of the warm water. My husband finds water birth a kind of dangerous and was not really into it but he supported me throughout my labour. He even went into the birth tub with me. I went in and out of the birth tub. In total, I was in the birth tub for 7 hrs but I did not birth my baby in the water. At one point, I felt a very strong urge to push but I regretted not listening to my body. Instead, I asked my doula if I be pushing when I was not at 10cm yet. My labour was progressing very slow. My doula was silent. She was sitting opposite me at the other end of the birth tube watching me. Soon the midwife came and I asked her the same question-Should I push when I felt the strong urge to push but I was not 10cm yet. She hesitated for quite awhile and finally answered I should follow my body to push. My doula was still sitting opposite me and watching me. I did not feel supported or encouraged to follow my body and I hesitated. I regretted not following my body to push. When I was inside the warm water, I did not feel the nerve pain.I wanted to get out of the birth tub and I stood up but I did not realise that it was the middle of the night and it was so cold that I was shivering. But my doula did not act fast enough or warn me that it was cold.I felt that my doula did not have enough knowledge and skill to provide me with adequate support. She was more of a companion keeping me accompanied during my labour. However with her presence, I managed to have natural birth. If not, my hubby told me he wanted to suggest a c-section as ...
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    13 Min.