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Hyper-vigilance is common in pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period — but rarely named. In this episode, we explore what hyper-vigilance really is, why so many women experience it, and how it impacts mothers, partners, and babies.

We talk about nervous system safety, surveillance culture in maternity care, why reassurance often doesn’t help, and what truly supports healing — without pathologising women or telling them to 'just relax'.

This episode is for:

• Pregnant women who feel unable to switch off
• Women reflecting on births that looked fine but felt exhausting
• Mothers who can’t rest even when their baby sleeps
• Partners who want to support without fixing

In this episode we cover:

• What hyper-vigilance actually is (and what it isn’t)
• How pregnancy culture trains women to stay on alert
• The impact of hyper-vigilance on labour and oxytocin
• Why surrender in birth is a nervous system state, not a mindset
• Postpartum hyper-vigilance and sleep
• The effect on partners and relationships
• What genuinely helps nervous systems soften and repair
• Why this work matters before labour begins

Aimee and Tom's story - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-ultimate-guide-to-being-a-birth-partner/id1541228817?i=1000536622734

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

This episode is a little different!

I decided to answer a batch of listener questions that were shorter than the single-question episodes, and they fit perfectly with what’s coming up in the coming weeks.

As I went through them, I noticed quite a few shared a common theme, and it reminded me just how important it is to dedicate some episodes specifically to postpartum experiences, because there is so much to unpack in those first days, weeks and months.

I hope you enjoy this Q&A — it’s honest, practical, and grounded in real experiences from real listeners.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

In this episode, I’m joined by Fenja, who shares her freebirth story with honesty, depth, and clarity.

At a time when freebirth is being widely discussed — and often misunderstood — Fenja’s experience offers a grounded and much-needed perspective on what informed, conscious birth preparation can look like.

Fenja speaks openly about the extensive work she did during pregnancy: building physiological understanding, engaging in emotional and mental preparation, and developing a deep trust in her body and decision-making. Her choices were not made lightly. They were rooted in knowledge, reflection, and personal responsibility.

During her pregnancy, Fenja chose to hire a doula — not as someone to direct her birth, but as optional, woman-led support. When labour unfolded, she recognised that what she needed most was solitude and privacy, and she chose not to call her doula to the birth. This decision was hers alone, made in the moment, based on what felt right in her body and nervous system.

With recent media coverage and coroner’s reports attempting to suggest that doulas are influencing women to make unsafe decisions, Fenja’s story provides an important counterpoint. It clearly demonstrates that women are capable of making informed, autonomous decisions about their own births, and that doulas do not make decisions for women — they support them, when and if that support is wanted.

This episode is not about persuading anyone to freebirth.
It is about respecting women’s capacity to prepare deeply, think critically, and choose consciously.

Fenja’s story is thoughtful, grounded, and a deep reminder that birth choices cannot be reduced to headlines or assumptions.

You can find Fenja and her work at helikraft.co.uk

On Instagram @heilkraftosteopathy

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

In this episode, I am exploring the hidden and often overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting—when women dismiss their own instincts, feelings, or inner knowing. Self-gaslighting can show up during pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood, quietly eroding confidence and disconnecting women from their power.

I will break down:

• What self-gaslighting is and how to recognise it
• Where it comes from and why it’s so common
• How it shows up in pregnancy, birth, and postpartum
• The emotional and physical costs of silencing yourself
• Practical tools to unlearn self-gaslighting and reclaim your confidence
• How birth partners can support women to trust themselves

This episode is about reclaiming your voice, your instincts, and your power—so you can navigate birth and motherhood with clarity, confidence, and self-trust.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

So much of birth preparation focuses on what to do — how to breathe, how to move, how to plan.

But none of that works if a woman doesn’t trust herself.

In this episode, I’m sharing my Ten Commandments of Birth and explaining why I believe inner work is the missing piece in so much birth preparation. I talk honestly about what I’ve seen shift in women since creating Discover Your North Star, and why no breathing technique can undo years of self-doubt.

This episode is about preparation that goes deeper than checklists and protocols — preparation that changes how a woman meets her birth, whatever path it takes.

✨ The Ten Commandments of Birth (PDF) - Download here
I’ve created this as a reflective, practical guide to support the inner work I talk about in this episode. It also includes a version for your birth partner.

✨ Discover Your North Star - Online Course
If this episode resonates, this is where we go deeper.
The course is designed to help you build trust in yourself, prepare emotionally and mentally, and arrive at birth feeling grounded and aligned.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

In this final episode of the year, I’m talking about something I see all the time in my work — but something women rarely feel able to admit out loud: that the desperate longing for a baby doesn’t always match how they feel once they are actually here.

After more than two decades supporting women through pregnancy, birth, and those early vulnerable weeks, I’ve heard this story in so many different forms. Today, I’m sharing the experience of a mum I met at a recent coffee morning — Emma — who gave me permission to talk about her journey.

Emma had two miscarriages before this pregnancy. She spent months just trying to get to the birth, believing that once her baby was safely here, everything would fall into place. But her birth ended up being long, heavily managed, and exhausting, leaving her feeling out of control. She also struggled with the after-effects of the pain relief she received. And when she finally held her baby, she didn’t feel the rush of emotion she’d imagined.

Her question to me — quiet, honest, and full of guilt — forms the heart of this episode.

Together, we unpack why so many women feel this way, why these feelings don’t mean anything is wrong, and how the emotional transition into motherhood is far more complex than most people prepare you for.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

In this episode, we dive deep into communication in the birth room — going beyond the widely taught BRAIN acronym. While BRAIN (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing) can be a helpful tool, waiting until labour to rely on it often means you’ve already been pulled into reactive decision-making. We discuss how true advocacy, sovereignty, and physiological birth are protected long before labour begins, through preparation, clear values, and embodied support.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why relying on BRAIN mid-labour can disrupt physiological birth.
• The limitations of checklists and reactive decision-making.
• How to prepare proactively with your partner to communicate effectively.
• The importance of embodied presence, clarity, and boundaries in the birth room.
• Practical ways your partner can advocate and protect your space and flow.
• How to anchor decisions in intuition and values rather than fear or pressure.

Action Steps for Listeners:

1. Create your own Birth Manifesto, tailored to your values and needs.
2. Practice clear, confident language with your partner for common birth scenarios.
3. Focus on presence, breath, and embodied trust to support physiological birth.
4. Prepare together for advocacy — your partner is your voice and protector when you need it most.

Resources:

• Discover Your North Star course for deeper preparation and tools for both you and your partner.

Key Takeaway:
True communication and advocacy in the birth room happen before labour, rooted in preparation, clarity, and trust in yourself. BRAIN can be a tool, but your sovereignty, instincts, and presence are far more powerful.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send us a text

In this episode, I sit down with my friend and fellow birth worker Jen Culley to talk about the reality that early labour is often overlooked in modern birth preparation.

We explore how early labour is represented on social media and how these portrayals can unintentionally shape women’s expectations in unhelpful ways. While short clips and reels can beautifully capture the moment a baby is born, they rarely show the quiet, powerful, and often lengthy process that leads up to it. Early labour can take hours — sometimes days — and it’s during this time that your mindset, support, and environment matter most.

Jen and I reflect on how, in the past, women would have grown up seeing birth unfold — as daughters, sisters, or friends. That shared experience built instinctive knowledge and trust in the body’s rhythms. Today, many of us enter labour without ever having witnessed it, and that loss of communal wisdom can make early labour feel confusing or even frightening.

We talk about how this lack of understanding can impact the rest of the birth, and why the way early labour begins often sets the tone for how the rest of labour unfolds.

We also discuss what early labour support looks like today, especially the variation in NHS care, where women are often left to navigate this phase alone. Jen and I highlight how the presence of a doula can transform this stage — offering reassurance, practical guidance, and emotional steadiness when it’s needed most.

And finally, we dive deeply into the partner’s pivotal role — how they can support progress, protect space, and bring a sense of calm and safety that allows oxytocin to flow and labour to build naturally.

If you’ve ever wondered how to make early labour work for you, not against you — or if you simply want to understand this phase in a deeper, more realistic way — this episode is for you.

Contact Jen Culley - Instagram Website Memoirs of a Doula

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...