Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity, one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything.

Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal.

Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about.

What listeners will learn:

• What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose
• Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age
• Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible
• Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X
• The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative
• A single reflection question to carry into the week

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement

01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity

02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built

03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen

05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference

06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It

08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think)

09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say

10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down?

11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week

Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

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There's a name for what a lot of young people are doing right now, and it's not laziness. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White calls it life shelving: the decision to put the big stuff on hold because the weight of choosing feels like too much.

In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Degges-White, licensed counselor, professor of counselor education at Northern Illinois University, longtime Psychology Today contributor, and author of several books on relationships, including her upcoming title Was It Something I Said? Understanding Family Estrangement. With over two decades of teaching and clinical work, Dr. Degges-White brings a perspective on Gen Z that is both deeply researched and genuinely compassionate.

What follows is a wide-ranging conversation about why this generation struggles to decide, what the infodemic is doing to young people's ability to think deeply, what Gen Z actually learned by watching millennials burn out, and what both sides of a family estrangement need to hear before it's too late.

What listeners will learn:

• What life shelving is, why it's happening, and what it actually costs to keep delaying
• The infodemic effect: how drowning in information leaves people less equipped to make decisions, not more
• How identity development has shifted from adolescence to a decade-long process now expected to last until 26 or 28
• Why public lives and public mistakes have made risk-taking feel unbearable for a generation
• What Gen Z is actually asking for at work, and why it looks like entitlement but isn't always
• What Gen Z saw when they watched millennials work themselves into the ground, and why their response makes complete sense
• The trophy generation debate: the science behind it was wrong, but the blame landed on the kids anyway
• The 10 unspoken rules of friendship, what happens when one gets broken, and why intergenerational friendships matter more than most people realize
• What Dr. Degges-White's research on family estrangement reveals about both the person who leaves and the one left behind

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Degges-White

00:58 Origin Story: Happenstance Theory and the Path to Northern Illinois

04:31 What Is Life Shelving? The Paradox of Choice and Why Young People Are Stalling

08:18 Why Feeling Stuck Feels Like a Personal Failure (And Why It Isn't)

09:30 The Infodemic Effect: Too Much Information, Not Enough Wisdom

11:18 Identity Development in 2026: Why Growing Up Now Takes Until 28

18:25 Public Lives, Public Mistakes: The Fear That Keeps People From Taking Risks

22:48 Gen Z in the Workforce: Self-Care Days, Deadlines, and the Entitlement Debate

27:03 The Push-Pull: Validating Gen Z While Still Holding a Standard

31:00 What Gen Z Learned From Watching Millennials Burn Out

40:36 Friendships: Toxic Patterns, Intergenerational Bonds, and the 10 Unspoken Rules

51:43 Family Estrangement: What the New Book Reveals About Both Sides

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body.

In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first.

Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are.

What you will learn:

• The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat it
• Why stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm again
• Why Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meeting
• What nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppression
• The electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival mode
• Why five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort)
• The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stress
• What managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problem
• Dr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quiz

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober

00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education

02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters

04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss)

08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression

13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full

14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System.

22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like

28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It)

33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything

37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth

41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen Z

Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint

Book: Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter)

Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGu

Learn more: https://harbourfrontchiropractic.com/dr-suzanne-bober

Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly conversations about generational challenges in the workplace and our daily lives.

Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it.

That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet.

In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud.

Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem.

What you'll learn:

• Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer are
• The "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended on
• Why Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrived
• The trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missing
• Why leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worse
• One concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-one

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement

00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work

02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses

04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing)

04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left

06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem.

07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship

08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal

09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic

11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One

11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem.

In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room.

What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds.

What you'll learn:

• What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelings
• Why organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagement
• The neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for it
• Why being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not more
• Why empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with them
• What both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right now
• The four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurement
• Practical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediately

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin

00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate

05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It)

07:38 What Empathy Actually Is: Perspective Taking and the Prefrontal Cortex

11:04 Why Being More Connected Is Making Us Less Empathetic

16:20 Empathy Is Not Agreement: Why That Distinction Changes Everything

20:04 The Generational Tension: What Older Leaders and Younger Workers Both Get Wrong

26:17 Listening-Led Leadership and Why Assumption Is the Enemy of Performance

32:26 How Mimi Works: Speaking, Content, and the Four Stages of Change

35:25 Who's Actually Doing This Right: Satya Nadella, Chanel, and Jamil Zaki

39:06 Practice Creates Permanence, Not Perfection

41:03 40 Ways to Connect: Practical Tools Anyone Can Use Today

Guest: Mimi Nicklin

Organization: Empathy Everywhere

Website: empathyeverywhere.co

Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.

Visit TessBrigham.com to learn more.

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line.

In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level?

Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing.

We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enough
• The BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationships
• The 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behavior
• The 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinking
• Why anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneath
• The difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everything
• Why self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not less
• How to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson

01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood

05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity

09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day

13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind

15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style

17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step)

21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier

30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone)

32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma

40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything

46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next Steps

Guest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development School

Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com

Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter.

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict.

There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.

In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything.

If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress
• The three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidance
• Why Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behavior
• Why the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say instead
• The one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them move
• Three concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent around
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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation

01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress

02:24 How triangulation shows up at work: managers, HR, and the desk-side vent

03:00 Why the pattern feels good: anxiety reduction and Robin Dunbar on gossip as social bonding

04:47 Why "just talk to them directly" almost never works: you are asking someone to give up something that is working

05:45 Why the pattern never resolves the conflict: relief is real but temporary, and the same tension resurfaces

06:30 The third driver nobody names: risk avoidance and the real cost of going direct

07:50 The Maya story: a year of Friday coffee venting, one question, and one sentence that shifted everything

11:30 What to do when you are the third point in someone else's conflict

11:47 Three concrete things managers can do right now

13:30 The bottom line: conflict avoided is conflict postponed

Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about fixing the mess in the modern workplace.

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

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Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them.

In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them.

We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces then
• Why apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent people
• Why steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks like
• A step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoiding
• How to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedules
• What one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire team
• Resources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergent

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach

00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching

04:27 Why more adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and autism now

07:10 The midlife tipping point: when systems that worked before suddenly stop working

10:17 ADHD vs. autism: overlaps and differences in the coaching approach

11:30 Why apps and planners keep failing neurodivergent people

15:12 Productivity vs. steadiness: why the wrong goal is burning people out

20:20 Technology, constant access, and the value of learning to do nothing

24:14 The hard-thing setup protocol, time blocking, and energy blocking

31:38 Mindset advice that backfires and the autistic burnout risk

34:01 Late diagnosis: shame, grief, resources for parents, and why parents need coaching too

43:37 What managers can do: one small change that ends up benefiting everyone

Follow Genie Love & Join Her Newsletter

https://beyondcoaching.pro/

Join the Dear Gen Mess Community to get the weekly download of the generational challenges facing us all.

https://www.tessbrigham.com/podcast

Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.