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Is your relationship feeling more like a "roommate" dynamic than a romantic one? You aren’t alone. Statistics show that 25-40% of couples find themselves in a sexless cycle—but understanding why is the first step toward reconnection.

In this episode: In this deep-dive, Dr. Alisa Kriegel explores the psychological and physiological layers of intimacy. Moving beyond the "performance pressure" of holidays like Valentine’s Day, she breaks down the science of why desire disappears and, more importantly, how to bring it back safely.

Key highlights include:

• The Dual Control Model: Understanding your "gas pedal" and your "brakes" (and why hitting the gas doesn't work if the brakes are still on).
• Co-Regulation: How to use Polyvagal theory to create a sense of safety and calm with your partner.
• Bridging Activities: Practical, non-sexual ways to rebuild intimacy without the pressure of "performance."
• The 9-Second Rule: Two simple exercises you can do tonight to synchronize your nervous systems and lower stress.

Whether you are navigating a medical change, a libido mismatch, or years of silence, this episode offers a compassionate, shame-free roadmap back to connection.

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I'm back from a brief hiatus during which time my memoir, "From Sexless Marriage To Sex Goddess," launched. I struggled before publishing, and even after, with the idea that psychologists aren't supposed to do this: I'm not supposed to be vulnerable or honest about my life.

In many ways, this is true for most of us. We're rarely encouraged or taught to be vulnerable. Yet, this is the first step to connection.

There are too many people struggling with sexless relationships and their own shame or issues around sex. Sharing my story, a story that is rarely spoken out loud, needs to be heard. I realized that I needed to get real to heal, not just myself, but others. “We’re trained to stay out of the story — but sometimes the story is the work.

This episode is an invitation, and hopefully an inspiration to take a step toward change, to tell your story. Even if you're told you aren't supposed to.🧡

Read my story: "From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess, A Memoir"

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In this episode, Dr. Alisa shares her recommendations for natural products to address moisture and dryness issues, focusing on two of her favorite brands Medicine Mama and Foria. Listen in to learn about common misconceptions about dryness and the importance of lubrication during sex and using lubricants for a positive sexual experience. She shares various products that she has on repeat including arousal oils and intimacy melts. To note: she is not being paid for her promotion, although samples are always welcome 😉

Dr. Alisa shares her passion for promoting products that enhance pleasure and connection, while always encouraging the importance of open conversations about sex!

Follow her on Instagram for more information and ideas!

Let's Talk About Sex, Really

If you have a question or topic you'd like her to address, please DM her or email her through her website:

https://alisakriegel.com

Thank you!

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In today's podcast, Dr. Alisa discusses the concept of sex positivity and its importance in your personal life, romantic relationships and in society as we move away from a puritanical narrative to a more open-minded approach. Listen in to learn more about open communication, boundaries, and consent in relationships. She also shares her personal journey which lead to her upcoming memoir: "From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess."

Dr. Alisa encourages listeners to embrace and celebrate their sexuality through self-exploration and various resources, while promoting a sex-positive viewpoint that emphasizes self-awareness, acceptance of individual differences, and the importance of pleasure and consent.

Resources in this Podcast

Emily Nagoski, Come as You are

Esther Perel, Where Do We Begin

Wanderlust Mindful Intimacy Cards

Find more info about me and links for my book and podcast at:

https://alisakriegel.com

Let's Talk About Sex, Really / Instagram

Alisa Kriegel Author / Instagram

My Youtube Channel

Thank you for listening!

Xxx

Dr. Alisa

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In this episode, Dr. Alisa Kriegel discusses and defines the hormonal changes of perimenopause and menopause, along with their impact on various physical and emotional symptoms. She makes recommendations for maintaining sexual health during this period, and shares a personal experience which influenced how her gynecologist now talks to patients in peri-menopause regarding fertility!

Listen in for insights on hormone replacement therapy, the importance of consulting specialized hormone doctors, and the natural changes in sexuality that both men and women experience with age.

Whether you may be going through this in your life or your partner is, this is an important conversation to understand the impact of these changes and how to minimize their effect on your life!

Resources from this episode:

https://drjengunter.com

https://www.heytabu.com/pages/about

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/01/magazine/menopause-hot-flashes-hormone-therapy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.I08.tRum.VdlDiBKYgnT6&smid=url-share

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/746824/dare-i-say-it-by-naomi-watts/

Find more info about me and links for my book and podcast at:

https://alisakriegel.com

Let's Talk About Sex, Really / Instagram

Alisa Kriegel Author / Instagram

My Youtube Channel

Thank you for listening!

Xxx

Dr. Alisa

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This is my first movie/show review about a new show that has been getting a lot of buzz lately. I've been seeing sexy posters all over NYC for this new FX limited series starring Michelle Williams and the cover of NY Magazine touted it as the "kinkiest show on TV." So, is it? Does it live up to the hype. How kinky is it? I had to see for myself. And after a weekend binge I'm here to give you the lowdown.

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Are you curious to know more about open marriages or polyamorous relationships? In this episode of "Let's Talk About Sex Really," Dr. Alisa Kriegel dives into the world of non-monogamy. With her expertise as a therapist and personal research, she explores the realities of open relationships, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Kriegel dispels the myths, emphasizing that true non-monogamy isn’t about affairs or casual flings—it’s about communication, consent, and honesty. She discusses the challenges (jealousy!), the tools (like "R.A.D.A.R talks"), and the work required to make these relationships thrive. Whether you're curious or committed, this episode offers insights and resources, including recommended reads like The Ethical Slut and Polysecure. Tune in for a no-shame, real talk on what non-monogamy truly means.

Check out YouTube for the video!

***Explore Dr. Alisa's recommendations from this episode!***

Book & Articles:

"The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
URL: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664

"Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships" by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá**
URL: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813

"Multi-Amory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships" (related to the Multiamory podcast/book)
URL: https://www.amazon.com/Multiamory-Essential-Tools-Modern-Relationships/dp/1637740832

"I Opened My Marriage. Maybe I Should Have Tried an Affair" (New York Magazine, The Cut) by Haley Mlotek

https://www.thecut.com/article/open-marriage-divorce.html

Additional Resources:
Multiamory Podcast (Official Website)*
URL: https://www.multiamory.com

RADAR Talk Resource (from Multiamory)
URL: https://www.multiamory.com/radar

"Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy" by Jessica Fern
URL: https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987

"From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess: A Memoir" by Alisa Kriegel

URL: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/From-Sexless-Marriage-to-Sex-Goddess/Alisa-Kriegel/9798896360063


Podcast Instagram: Let’s Talk About Sex Really**
URL: https://www.instagram.com/letstalkaboutsex_really

General Non-Monogamy Communities and Courses:
- Dr. Kriegel references online courses, groups, and therapist networks specializing in polyamory and kink. For exploration, consider:
- [Polyamory Weekly Podcast](https://polyweekly.com/)
- [Open Love Communities](https://www.openlove101.com/)


Enjoy exploring these resources, and let curiosity guide your journey! 🤔💕

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In today's episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel discusses the need for a broader definition of sex, moving beyond traditional view of "sex" mainly referring to penetration & "p in v" intercourse. By expanding how we define sex with also expand the many ways we can explore sex and pleasure. As always, she encourages open conversations with your partner for all the ways to experience sensual and sexual touch and pleasure.

References in the podcast:

NY Times article on the Orgasm Gap

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/06/well/family/orgasm-gap-women-age.html?smid=url-share

Emily Nagoski, PhD, Come Together

Ian Kerner, PhD, She Comes First