What if 2026 wasn’t about doing more, but finally being who you really are?

In this episode, Heather Masters shares how shame at identity level quietly drives us to collect qualifications, achievements, and approval in an endless attempt to “earn” our worth.

From Christmas romance novels to three coaching certifications and a November burnout wall, she reveals why 95% commitment to yourself isn’t commitment at all – it’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.

You’ll hear how to stop building a CV and start building a self, and what changes when you stop keeping your old life as an option.​

1. The “girlie fiction” reading binge that revealed a deeper truth about women finally dropping the script and choosing who they really are.​
2. Why so many of us live with one hand on the past – an old identity, story, or safety net – even while saying we want change.​
3. The uncomfortable truth: “Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment. It’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.”​
4. Heather’s story of collecting qualifications “like oxygen” – three coaching certifications and countless trainings – in an attempt to feel legitimate and enough.​
5. How identity-level shame (“I’m not enough”, “I am unforgivable”) fuels achievement addiction, perfectionism, over-functioning, and people-pleasing.
6. The moment she hit “the wall of doom” with doing, and realised she was building a CV, not a self.​
7. The 2026 question: Who would you be if you stopped keeping the old life – and the old story – as an option?​
8. A gentle experiment to close the gap between 95% and 100% commitment to the life you actually want.​
9. Invitation into a free 5-day email course, “Dismantling ‘I Am Not Enough’”, for women ready to start dismantling this belief at the root.

1. 00:09 - Diving into Girly Fiction
2. 02:39 - Letting Go of the Old Life
3. 06:16 - The Journey to Wholeness
4. 08:54 - Breaking Free from Shame and Identity
5. 11:07 - Embracing Authenticity
6. 14:55 - Dismantling the Belief of Not Being Enough

1. You can’t achieve your way into wholeness.
2. Qualifications, titles, and gold stars can’t fix an identity wound – they only distract you from it for a few weeks at a time.​
3. Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment.
4. Keeping your old life and identity as...

By the end of January, many of us hit a quiet wall.

The adrenaline of getting through Christmas has worn off.

The promise of “new year motivation” has faded.

The days are still dark, cold, and heavy.

And suddenly… the pushing doesn’t work anymore.

In this episode of the Choosing Happy Podcast, Heather explores what happens when survival — the very thing that once kept you going — begins to feel exhausting, flat, or strangely empty.

If you’ve been:

1. Still achieving, but feeling emotionally thin
2. Questioning why your usual motivation has disappeared
3. Judging yourself for not “coping better”
4. Feeling unsettled by slowing down, even when life is flowing

You’re not failing.

You may simply be reaching the end of survival as your default setting.

1. Why January is such a psychologically challenging month (especially in the Northern Hemisphere)
2. How pushing can quietly stop working without anything being “wrong”
3. Why peace can feel like loss when you’re used to effort and struggle
4. The fear many strong women carry: “If I slow down, will I lose momentum?”
5. Why flow can feel uncomfortable when your identity was built on resilience
6. How to stop mislabelling rest and softness as failure

This isn’t an episode about fixing yourself or forcing motivation.

It’s about reinterpreting what’s happening, with kindness and honesty — and giving yourself permission to rest, soften, and let momentum take a new shape.

1. 00:08 - Reflecting on January
2. 01:49 - The Struggle of January
3. 03:06 - Understanding Emotional Energy in January
4. 06:20 - Understanding the Calm After the Storm
5. 07:26 - Recognizing New Patterns in Healing
6. 08:24 - Embracing a New Perspective

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, try asking:

“What’s actually working right now?”

Sometimes noticing — without fixing — is the most powerful thing you can do.

If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’s being hard on themselves for being human.

Tag @ChoosingHappyPodcast and let Heather know what landed for you.

And remember:

You’re not behind.

You’re not broken.

You’re just listening to yourself more honestly.

Until next time —

Keep choosing happy.

Not by pushing harder…

but by listening more kindly.

Ready to explore more?

1. Website: choosinghappy.space

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being "the strong one." Not the loneliness of being alone—but the loneliness of being surrounded by people who've stopped asking how you are.

In this episode, I explore what happens when strength stops being a tool and becomes a cage. When you've rebuilt your life so many times that your nervous system starts craving predictability over happiness. When you realize 10 years have passed and the adventurous woman who said "yes" to everything hasn't travelled overnight since 2019.

This is for the carers, the emotional containers, the women who didn't fall apart because they couldn't afford to. If you've ever wondered where your passion went, or why joy feels risky and hope feels naive—this episode is for you.

1. Why resilience can become a protective cage that keeps you stuck
2. The hidden cost of making yourself "too strong to hurt"
3. How trauma teaches us that feeling deeply means getting knocked down again
4. The difference between being safe and being alive
5. Three powerful reframes that shift you from armour to aliveness
6. A simple daily practice to soften without blowing your life up

Chapters:

1. 00:10 - Exploring Loneliness in Strength
2. 00:56 - The Cost of Resilience
3. 04:53 - The Danger of Dullness
4. 08:29 - The Softening Edge
5. 10:19 - The Courage to Feel: Embracing Aliveness

"When you're the one who always copes, who always bounces back, who always holds it together… people assume you've got it handled. And eventually? You stop asking yourself too."

"Strength stops being a tool and starts becoming a cage. You don't choose it anymore. You live inside it."

"It's realizing 10 years have passed and the adventurous woman who said 'yes' to every invitation hasn't travelled anywhere overnight since 2019. Now she would rather escape by reading about others' adventures than living one of her own."

"Fear took over. Trauma held me frozen. I couldn't even see a different future—and then to wake up and notice all of those years had passed."

"Your resilience might not be protecting you anymore. It might be keeping you stuck."

"Real strength isn't shutting down your feelings. It's letting yourself feel again without assuming it means you're about to lose everything."

"You don't avoid pain by staying low. You avoid living."

"There is no moment where life rings a bell and says 'You're safe now, you can feel again.' The brave work isn't waiting until life feels safe again—it's choosing to feel anyway."

"You don't need to survive anymore just because you once had to. You are allowed to want more than 'fine.'"

Once a day—maybe first thing in the morning, maybe just before bed—ask yourself: "Where am I bracing right...

First Episode After Pause | January 2026

After a pause for deep reflection and transformation, Heather returns with a vulnerable confession: she's spent most of her life believing she was unforgivable.

In this powerful relaunch episode, Heather shares what she couldn't say before—that for over a decade, she carried a belief so deep it became her identity. Not "I carry shame," but "I AM unforgivable."

If you've ever believed you're a bad person, that you've done something society can't forgive, or that you don't deserve happiness—this episode is for you.

This is not your typical "release your shame" conversation. This is about dismantling the belief that shame IS who you are.

• Why "I am unforgivable" feels like truth, not belief—and what that actually means

• The difference between carrying shame and shame becoming your identity

• How impossible circumstances create "shame architecture" that feels permanent

• Why traditional approaches to shame often fail when the belief is this deep

• The specific work that separates WHO YOU ARE from WHAT YOU SURVIVED

• What identity reclamation actually looks like (and why it's not about forgiving yourself)

• How this podcast is changing to serve women carrying the deepest shame

On Identity vs. Shame: "You don't say 'I made a mistake.' You say 'I AM a mistake.' You don't say 'I carry shame.' You say 'I am unforgivable.'"

On Recognition: "When you believe you're a bad person, when you think you've done something society can't forgive—that's not just guilt or regret. That's shame that's become your IDENTITY."

On The Work: "I help women see that 'I am unforgivable' isn't who they are—it's shame architecture. And once you see it's constructed, it can be dismantled."

On Transformation: "Separate WHO YOU ARE from WHAT YOU SURVIVED. That's the work. That's the transformation."

On This Podcast: "If you believe you're unforgivable, you're not. And I can show you why."

This episode will resonate deeply if you:

✓ Believe you're fundamentally a bad person (not that you made mistakes, but that you ARE the mistake)

✓ Made a choice your family or community couldn't forgive

✓ Survived something and somehow became the one carrying the shame for it

✓ Lost someone and can't stop believing it was your fault

✓ Chose yourself when society said you had no right to

✓ Feel like you forfeited your right to happiness, success, or peace

✓ Have tried therapy, self-help, and "releasing shame" but the belief won't shift

✓ Experience shame not as something you carry but as who you ARE

✓ Think your shame is "too big" to heal or that you're "beyond help"

✓ Are exhausted from pretending you're fine while believing you're irredeemable

1. 00:14 - Struggles of Self-Perception
2. 01:18 - Understanding Shame and Identity
3. 02:19 - The Weight of Shame
4. 04:34 - Understanding Shame Architecture
5. 05:30 - Dismantling Shame: A New Approach to Happiness
6. 06:17 - Dismantling Unforgivable Beliefs

Heather V Masters is a Master Coach and...

Hey, wonderful humans!

Buckle up because we’re diving right into a cheeky little pause for the Choosing Happy Podcast!

I’m your host, Heather Masters, and today I’m spilling the tea on what’s next for our little corner of happiness in 2026.

We’re hitting the reset button—yup, you heard that right! I’m taking a breather to ensure we come back with deeper, braver chats that tackle those pesky midlife identity crises and the shame that can tag along like an unwanted party guest.

So whether you’re pondering if you’ve missed your chance or feeling a bit lost in the chaos of life, don’t fret—you’re not alone, and I’ve got some fab episodes lined up for you to keep the good vibes rolling while we’re on our little hiatus. Let’s make this journey together and get ready for a fresh start that’s all about embracing the authentic you!

Heather takes a moment to pause and reflect in this special episode of the Choosing Happy Podcast, setting the stage for an exciting new chapter in 2026.

With the energy of a New Year’s celebration, she candidly shares her experiences of feeling overwhelmed and the common theme of identity shame that many women face, especially in midlife. This episode isn’t just about taking a break; it’s about intentionally crafting a space that feels honest and supportive for those who may be questioning their paths.

As she navigates through those heavy questions of “What’s next for me?” and “Is it too late?” Heather brings a touch of lightness to these serious discussions. She reminds us that it’s perfectly okay to feel lost at times and that our journeys are uniquely ours.

Heather’s mission is to help us embrace our authentic selves, free from the shackles of guilt and fear. By sharing her personal insights and the lessons she’s learned, she encourages listeners to take a hard look at their own lives and consider what truly makes them happy.

Looking ahead, Heather reveals exciting plans to revamp the podcast, focusing on the intersection of midlife identity and self-empowerment. She’s launching a coaching pilot aimed specifically at women seeking support in this transitional phase, all while ensuring the content remains relatable and actionable.

Heather assures us that this isn’t a farewell, but rather a thoughtful pause that will lead to more enriching conversations in the future. So, as we gear up for a fresh start in the New Year, let’s embrace this journey together, ready to discover the vibrant possibilities that lie ahead!

1. We're hitting the pause button for a bit to cook up something deeper and braver for you, so stay tuned!
2. Feeling overwhelmed? You're not alone! Many of us are wrestling with midlife identity shame and wondering what's next.
3. Choosing Happy is about real talk, not just rainbows and unicorns. We're diving deep into authentic you!
4. This isn't a pod fade, it's a conscious pause for a clearer, more focused direction - we’ll be back soon!
5. If you're a midlife woman feeling lost, I've got your back and some nifty resources to help guide you!
6. Mark your calendars, as we'll be back around January 13th with fresh episodes that honour your journey!

Links referenced in this episode:

1. heathervmasters.com

Chapters:

It’s Boxing Day — the day we break down boxes, throw away the wrapping, and quietly assess the gifts that missed the mark.

But what if the wrong gift isn’t the problem?

In this Boxing Day Fail Forward Friday, Heather explores how the very things we judge, hide, or downplay in ourselves are often our greatest gifts — just misunderstood, badly packaged, or feared.

From famous voices that were once rejected to a childhood swimming lesson that changed everything, this episode is a powerful invitation to stop hiding, stop shrinking, and stop pretending your gifts are “too much” or “not enough”.

As 2025 closes and 2026 approaches, this is your reminder that you don’t need a new gift — you need to unbox the one you already have.

If you’ve ever felt like you were playing small, dimming your light, or waiting for permission to shine… this episode is for you.

It’s Boxing Day.

And somewhere in your house — or your life — there’s a gift that didn’t quite fit.

In this Fail Forward Friday episode, Heather dives into the idea of wrong gifts — not just the ones we exchange at Christmas, but the parts of ourselves we’ve wrapped up, hidden away, or decided don’t belong.

1. Why we often mislabel our greatest strengths as weaknesses
2. How being “different” is often the very thing that makes you unforgettable
3. What rejected voices can teach us about purpose and belonging
4. A childhood story that reframed what it really means to honour a gift
5. Why hiding your gifts isn’t humility — it’s fear in disguise
6. How the fear of success can be just as powerful as the fear of failure
7. Why Boxing Day is the perfect moment to unbox what you’ve been sitting on

Heather also reflects honestly on her own journey — where she’s been hiding, resisting, or playing small — and why 2026 is the year that changes.

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger and how the voice he was told would never work became his signature
2. Julie Kavner, whose “wrong” voice became one of the most iconic in television history
3. A powerful reminder inspired by the words often attributed to Marianne Williamson — that our deepest fear isn’t inadequacy, but our own light

1. What gift have I boxed up and put away?
2. What part of me have I labelled “wrong” because it felt risky?
3. What would change if I let this gift take up space?

Choose one thing you’ve been hiding — a talent, a truth, a strength, a voice.

Do one small but visible thing with it this week.

Not perfectly.

Not loudly.

Just honestly.

Christmas can be magical.

It can also be painfully loud, lonely, emotional, and heavy with expectation.

In this very special Christmas Eve episode, Heather shares a quiet, honest story about the Christmas she spent completely on her own — and why it became one of the most meaningful Christmases of her life.

This isn’t a story about pretending loneliness doesn’t hurt.

It’s a story about choice.

Heather explores how consciously choosing peace over pressure, presence over performance, and self-kindness over “shoulds” transformed a day that could have felt empty into a genuine gift.

Through simple, sensory moments — long baths, dogs, books, favourite films, unplugging from the world — this episode gently challenges the belief that being alone at Christmas is something to be feared or fixed.

Whether you’re spending Christmas on your own, surrounded by people, or somewhere in between, this episode offers permission to slow down, soften, and choose what truly feels nourishing.

1. Why loneliness doesn’t automatically mean sadness
2. How choice can transform even the most emotionally loaded days
3. Letting go of Christmas pressure, expectation, and comparison
4. Creating peace without needing anyone else to change
5. Why choosing happy is often quiet, intentional, and deeply personal

Chapters:

1. 00:19 - A Real Christmas Story
2. 00:50 - Choosing Happiness at Christmas
3. 02:26 - Finding Peace in Solitude
4. 03:15 - Rewriting the Narrative of Christmas
5. 04:05 - A Gentle Christmas Invitation
6. 04:57 - Reflections on Christmas and Choosing Happiness

Choose one thing tomorrow purely because it feels good in your body.

Not because you should.

Not because it’s tradition.

Just because it’s kind.

Sometimes, that single choice changes everything.

1. Anyone spending Christmas alone
2. Anyone feeling lonely in a room full of people
3. Anyone craving permission to make Christmas simpler, softer, and more peaceful

Share your reflections or tag someone who might need this message

👉 @ChoosingHappyPodcast

Visit www.choosinghappy.space for resources, events, and support

If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share — it truly helps this message reach the people who need it most.

From my heart to yours —

Wishing you peace, love, and a very Merry Christmas.

And as always… keep choosing happy. 🎄✨

Have you ever had something good show up in your life — a compliment, an opportunity, a purchase, a moment of ease — and instead of enjoying it, you quietly wondered if you were actually worth it?

This week on Myth Busting Monday, Heather explores one of the most subtle and limiting beliefs many of us carry:

“I’m allowed to attract good things… I’m just not allowed to get comfortable with them.”

Using a simple but revealing real-life moment — Christmas shopping and discovering the true cost of an everyday perfume — Heather unpacks how unworthiness often disguises itself as being sensible, practical, or modest.

In this episode, you’ll explore:

1. Why unworthiness isn’t loud — it’s quiet and habitual
2. How we minimise, justify, or ration joy without realising it
3. The difference between being grounded and playing small
4. Why receiving is just as important as creating
5. A gentle awareness experiment to help you let the good stuff land

This isn’t about money, luxury, or indulgence.

It’s about whether you allow what you consciously create to stay in your life.

Chapters:

1. 00:09 - Exploring Self-Worth
2. 01:01 - Embracing Abundance: The Myth of Unworthiness
3. 03:45 - Questioning Self-Worth and Rituals
4. 06:16 - Embracing Enjoyment and Abundance
5. 07:18 - Embracing Goodness: The Journey of Receiving

When something good shows up this week, pause.

Don’t explain it away.

Don’t minimise it.

Simply say:

“I allow this to land.”

Notice what comes up — that’s where the work is.

If this episode resonated, share it with someone who struggles to receive, and tag @ChoosingHappyPodcast to let us know what you’ve been saving for “someday.”

For more support as you step into the next version of yourself, visit

👉 www.choosinghappy.space

Until next time —

Keep choosing happy. And let the good stuff stay. 💛

Please like, share with someone who may need to hear this today, and/or leave a review and support the podcast. I really appreciate it.

Tired of the same patterns keeping you stuck?

Check out the Pattern Breaker Coaching Program: www.choosinghappy.co.uk/pattern-breaker

Want to dive deeper? Drop me an email: heather@heathervmasters.com

Join the conversation: Community | https://buymeacoffee.com/choosinghappy

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