What if 2026 wasn’t about doing more, but finally being who you really are?

In this episode, Heather Masters shares how shame at identity level quietly drives us to collect qualifications, achievements, and approval in an endless attempt to “earn” our worth.

From Christmas romance novels to three coaching certifications and a November burnout wall, she reveals why 95% commitment to yourself isn’t commitment at all – it’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.

You’ll hear how to stop building a CV and start building a self, and what changes when you stop keeping your old life as an option.​

1. The “girlie fiction” reading binge that revealed a deeper truth about women finally dropping the script and choosing who they really are.​
2. Why so many of us live with one hand on the past – an old identity, story, or safety net – even while saying we want change.​
3. The uncomfortable truth: “Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment. It’s self-deception dressed as responsibility.”​
4. Heather’s story of collecting qualifications “like oxygen” – three coaching certifications and countless trainings – in an attempt to feel legitimate and enough.​
5. How identity-level shame (“I’m not enough”, “I am unforgivable”) fuels achievement addiction, perfectionism, over-functioning, and people-pleasing.
6. The moment she hit “the wall of doom” with doing, and realised she was building a CV, not a self.​
7. The 2026 question: Who would you be if you stopped keeping the old life – and the old story – as an option?​
8. A gentle experiment to close the gap between 95% and 100% commitment to the life you actually want.​
9. Invitation into a free 5-day email course, “Dismantling ‘I Am Not Enough’”, for women ready to start dismantling this belief at the root.

1. 00:09 - Diving into Girly Fiction
2. 02:39 - Letting Go of the Old Life
3. 06:16 - The Journey to Wholeness
4. 08:54 - Breaking Free from Shame and Identity
5. 11:07 - Embracing Authenticity
6. 14:55 - Dismantling the Belief of Not Being Enough

1. You can’t achieve your way into wholeness.
2. Qualifications, titles, and gold stars can’t fix an identity wound – they only distract you from it for a few weeks at a time.​
3. Ninety-five percent commitment is not commitment.
4. Keeping your old life and identity as...

By the end of January, many of us hit a quiet wall.

The adrenaline of getting through Christmas has worn off.

The promise of “new year motivation” has faded.

The days are still dark, cold, and heavy.

And suddenly… the pushing doesn’t work anymore.

In this episode of the Choosing Happy Podcast, Heather explores what happens when survival — the very thing that once kept you going — begins to feel exhausting, flat, or strangely empty.

If you’ve been:

1. Still achieving, but feeling emotionally thin
2. Questioning why your usual motivation has disappeared
3. Judging yourself for not “coping better”
4. Feeling unsettled by slowing down, even when life is flowing

You’re not failing.

You may simply be reaching the end of survival as your default setting.

1. Why January is such a psychologically challenging month (especially in the Northern Hemisphere)
2. How pushing can quietly stop working without anything being “wrong”
3. Why peace can feel like loss when you’re used to effort and struggle
4. The fear many strong women carry: “If I slow down, will I lose momentum?”
5. Why flow can feel uncomfortable when your identity was built on resilience
6. How to stop mislabelling rest and softness as failure

This isn’t an episode about fixing yourself or forcing motivation.

It’s about reinterpreting what’s happening, with kindness and honesty — and giving yourself permission to rest, soften, and let momentum take a new shape.

1. 00:08 - Reflecting on January
2. 01:49 - The Struggle of January
3. 03:06 - Understanding Emotional Energy in January
4. 06:20 - Understanding the Calm After the Storm
5. 07:26 - Recognizing New Patterns in Healing
6. 08:24 - Embracing a New Perspective

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, try asking:

“What’s actually working right now?”

Sometimes noticing — without fixing — is the most powerful thing you can do.

If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’s being hard on themselves for being human.

Tag @ChoosingHappyPodcast and let Heather know what landed for you.

And remember:

You’re not behind.

You’re not broken.

You’re just listening to yourself more honestly.

Until next time —

Keep choosing happy.

Not by pushing harder…

but by listening more kindly.

Ready to explore more?

1. Website: choosinghappy.space

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being "the strong one." Not the loneliness of being alone—but the loneliness of being surrounded by people who've stopped asking how you are.

In this episode, I explore what happens when strength stops being a tool and becomes a cage. When you've rebuilt your life so many times that your nervous system starts craving predictability over happiness. When you realize 10 years have passed and the adventurous woman who said "yes" to everything hasn't travelled overnight since 2019.

This is for the carers, the emotional containers, the women who didn't fall apart because they couldn't afford to. If you've ever wondered where your passion went, or why joy feels risky and hope feels naive—this episode is for you.

1. Why resilience can become a protective cage that keeps you stuck
2. The hidden cost of making yourself "too strong to hurt"
3. How trauma teaches us that feeling deeply means getting knocked down again
4. The difference between being safe and being alive
5. Three powerful reframes that shift you from armour to aliveness
6. A simple daily practice to soften without blowing your life up

Chapters:

1. 00:10 - Exploring Loneliness in Strength
2. 00:56 - The Cost of Resilience
3. 04:53 - The Danger of Dullness
4. 08:29 - The Softening Edge
5. 10:19 - The Courage to Feel: Embracing Aliveness

"When you're the one who always copes, who always bounces back, who always holds it together… people assume you've got it handled. And eventually? You stop asking yourself too."

"Strength stops being a tool and starts becoming a cage. You don't choose it anymore. You live inside it."

"It's realizing 10 years have passed and the adventurous woman who said 'yes' to every invitation hasn't travelled anywhere overnight since 2019. Now she would rather escape by reading about others' adventures than living one of her own."

"Fear took over. Trauma held me frozen. I couldn't even see a different future—and then to wake up and notice all of those years had passed."

"Your resilience might not be protecting you anymore. It might be keeping you stuck."

"Real strength isn't shutting down your feelings. It's letting yourself feel again without assuming it means you're about to lose everything."

"You don't avoid pain by staying low. You avoid living."

"There is no moment where life rings a bell and says 'You're safe now, you can feel again.' The brave work isn't waiting until life feels safe again—it's choosing to feel anyway."

"You don't need to survive anymore just because you once had to. You are allowed to want more than 'fine.'"

Once a day—maybe first thing in the morning, maybe just before bed—ask yourself: "Where am I bracing right...