Two Cents Gets Distracted is back for Super Rugby semifinal weekend — a weekend where we were promised tension, drama, heartbreak, and possibly a couple of classic playoff arm-wrestles.

Instead, we got two absolute pumpings.

First up, the Crusaders — the playoff specialists, the heartbreak merchants, the team who have ruined so many perfectly good weekends for so many perfectly decent rugby fans — went up against one of the four teams of the year, the Chiefs.

We were all set for a tight one. A proper semifinal. A clash of heavyweights.

What we got was the Chiefs putting 30-plus points on them in the first half and turning the whole thing into something closer to a public execution than a rugby match. The score settled a little in the second half, but let’s be honest, the damage was done.

As neutrals, we probably wanted a contest.

As people who have watched the Crusaders cause untold emotional damage for years, we also didn’t entirely hate seeing them get pumped.

Then it was time for our Blues, who had absolutely no business being anywhere near a semifinal, but through the luck of some playoff-format nonsense found themselves lining up against the high-flying Harlem Hurricanes — or, frankly, the Harlem Globetrotter Hurricanes.

The Canes were slick. They were sharp. They were ridiculous.

There was a touch of skulduggery from our man Cam Roigard, but he got on with it, lifted the tempo, and the Hurricanes started doing Hurricanes things. To be fair to the Blues, the first half was at least a little tighter than the Chiefs-Crusaders game, with only four points in it at the break.

Then the second half happened.

The Hurricanes showed their class, the Blues forgot how defence works, and the Canes ended up putting 50-plus on them. Mercifully, the Blues’ season is now over, and we can all move on with our lives.

So now we get the final the competition probably needed: Chiefs vs Hurricanes at the Cake Tin. The two best, most in-form teams in Super Rugby going head-to-head.

Will they fill the tin to the brim? Who knows.

Can we please, for the love of all things holy, get a competitive game?

We also have a chat about the URC final coming up, with Leinster taking on the Bulls, and because this is Two Cents Gets Distracted, there are naturally a couple of technical difficulties to keep things spicy.

Grab a beer and enjoy.

Massive thanks as well to Carl from Republic Home and his dad David for sponsoring the podcast. You can get 10% off by using the code 2CGD at republichome.com. Thanks for the beers, lads.

.There was also a heap of playoff rugby across the URC and Super Rugby, although if we’re being brutally honest, a lot of the games were a bit one-sided and a touch meh. Plenty of lovely tries, great skills, and individual moments of brilliance, but not a huge amount of jeopardy.

The URC probably delivered the better drama. Leinster were ultimately too good for the Stormers, but the Stormers made them work for it for a decent stretch. Meanwhile, the Bulls pulled off a cracking come-from-behind win against Glasgow, who were playing at Murrayfield — when, let’s be honest, they probably would’ve much rather been at their actual home ground.

In Super Rugby, things got a bit ridiculous. The Hurricanes, who qualified number one, played the Brumbies, who qualified sixth, and absolutely pumped them. Which raises the very fair question: what was the point of that game? The format seems designed to suck the jeopardy out of the tournament just so we can squeeze in three quarter-finals. Honestly, just give us a top four and be done with it.

Elsewhere, the Blues looked like they remembered how to play rugby for brief periods, before also remembering they had the defensive structure of a wet paper bag. The Crusaders put plenty on them down in Christchurch, and yet somehow, despite losing a worrying number of games in a row, the Blues are now semi-finalists thanks to the “lucky loser” system.

The best Super Rugby game of the weekend was probably Chiefs v Reds, even though the Chiefs still managed to win it relatively comfortably and end the Reds’ season.

So yes, we talk dads, rugby, playoff formats, lucky losers, one-sided quarter-finals, and the general absurdity of it all. Tony, in particular, has a bit of a whinge.

Grab a beer and enjoy.

This week’s episode comes with a small technical disclaimer: we absolutely butchered the video file, so due to corrupted footage, this one is mostly audio-only with a few tiny video scraps sprinkled in. Apologies — although, to be fair, we’ve never looked better.

But fear not, because the rugby chat survives.

After the usual world-class nonsense, we dive into the URC, where the semi-finalists are locked in and rugby fans in New Zealand are, of course, absolutely buzzing with excitement. No irony there whatsoever. In all seriousness, though, the final four should make for some cracking clashes, and we break down what’s coming.

Then it’s over to the final round of Super Rugby, where the Blues continued their late-season collapse by getting absolutely pumped by the Mooloo men of Waikato. Moana Pasifika delivered the feel-good story of the week, grabbing a win in what may sadly be their final game in existence. Meanwhile, the Crusaders — being the absolute bastards they are — appear to be coming right at exactly the right time.

And who gets to face them next week in Christchurch, at their shiny new stadium? The Auckland Blues, currently riding a four-game losing streak. Lovely.

Even better, thanks to the bizarre “lucky loser” setup, the Blues might still sneak through even if they lose. Because apparently even finals rugby doesn’t need actual jeopardy anymore.

We also touch on the Force, Waratahs, Highlanders, and look ahead to a weekend of knockout rugby, jump flights, jump sticks, and all the usual nonsense.

Grab a beer and enjoy.