Two Cents Gets Distracted is back for Super Rugby semifinal weekend — a weekend where we were promised tension, drama, heartbreak, and possibly a couple of classic playoff arm-wrestles.

Instead, we got two absolute pumpings.

First up, the Crusaders — the playoff specialists, the heartbreak merchants, the team who have ruined so many perfectly good weekends for so many perfectly decent rugby fans — went up against one of the four teams of the year, the Chiefs.

We were all set for a tight one. A proper semifinal. A clash of heavyweights.

What we got was the Chiefs putting 30-plus points on them in the first half and turning the whole thing into something closer to a public execution than a rugby match. The score settled a little in the second half, but let’s be honest, the damage was done.

As neutrals, we probably wanted a contest.

As people who have watched the Crusaders cause untold emotional damage for years, we also didn’t entirely hate seeing them get pumped.

Then it was time for our Blues, who had absolutely no business being anywhere near a semifinal, but through the luck of some playoff-format nonsense found themselves lining up against the high-flying Harlem Hurricanes — or, frankly, the Harlem Globetrotter Hurricanes.

The Canes were slick. They were sharp. They were ridiculous.

There was a touch of skulduggery from our man Cam Roigard, but he got on with it, lifted the tempo, and the Hurricanes started doing Hurricanes things. To be fair to the Blues, the first half was at least a little tighter than the Chiefs-Crusaders game, with only four points in it at the break.

Then the second half happened.

The Hurricanes showed their class, the Blues forgot how defence works, and the Canes ended up putting 50-plus on them. Mercifully, the Blues’ season is now over, and we can all move on with our lives.

So now we get the final the competition probably needed: Chiefs vs Hurricanes at the Cake Tin. The two best, most in-form teams in Super Rugby going head-to-head.

Will they fill the tin to the brim? Who knows.

Can we please, for the love of all things holy, get a competitive game?

We also have a chat about the URC final coming up, with Leinster taking on the Bulls, and because this is Two Cents Gets Distracted, there are naturally a couple of technical difficulties to keep things spicy.

Grab a beer and enjoy.

Massive thanks as well to Carl from Republic Home and his dad David for sponsoring the podcast. You can get 10% off by using the code 2CGD at republichome.com. Thanks for the beers, lads.