Send a text

We dig into why simple questions can feel like attacks, how to pause before defenses take over, and what healthy masculine and feminine responses sound like when tensions rise. We connect the dots between conflict, self-love for responders, and dreams that process the emotions we ignore by day.

• how interpretation turns questions into accusations
• the pause that makes space for truth and choice
• toxic vs healthy masculine and feminine patterns
• using I-statements without losing your voice
• why deep care makes triggers sharper
• steps for responders to practice self-love across quadrants
• customizing the model with your own language
• dreams as emotional recalibration and inner balance cues
• applying dream themes to daytime communication

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to share it with someone who might appreciate it as well.

Thanks for being here
And until next time, keep growing, stay curious, and take good care of yourself.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / https://www.inyourdreams.coach/contact (Dr. Kelley)

Send a text

We explore how mental health concerns intersect with the STIR model and show how balance, flexible thinking, and self-awareness transform relationships. From early dating green flags to parenting stalemates, we lay out practical steps to move toward the middle and reduce projection.

We walk through real-world moments—early dating, high-conflict parenting, and long-term partnership—to show how to spot green flags and build healthier patterns. Flexible thinking becomes a north star: can someone hold their view and truly consider yours? Then comes the essential move to the middle. If you lean toward masculine in energy, practice the softer start of validation. If you lean feminine, practice setting clear limits before soothing. That sequencing flip often unlocks calm, trust, and actual behavior change.

The game changer is a heart shift away from projection. When you stop needing your partner to be a certain way so you can be okay, pressure dissolves and intimacy returns. Strangely, what you wanted often appears once the demand is gone. We also talk about coping when a partner lacks insight, how to maintain self-respect without ultimatums, and why independence and interdependence aren’t opposites but allies when you’re grounded.

If you’re mapping your style, healing through depression or anxiety, or simply craving fewer blowups and more connection, this conversation gives you practical steps: name your base style, anticipate your risk points, and practice the opposite skill set on purpose. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a hopeful roadmap, and leave a quick review to help others find the show.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

We explore how addictive behaviors can be signals from unbalanced inner energies, how to hear what the unconscious is asking for, and why old issues resurface even after insight. We close with a grounded view of integration, spiritual connection, and practical next steps that honor both emotion and choice.

• masculine and feminine energies across dynamic and static styles
• addiction as unconscious coping when a part lacks voice
• bold moves, dreams, and adjusting outer life to inner truth
• interest, insight, integration as a practical sequence
• triggers as teachers and faster recovery as a sign of growth
• asking what energy you wish others would bring as your inner cue

We trace the path from interest to insight to integration, showing how emotional learning completes what the mind knows. A heated moment at a car wash becomes an x-ray: not being believed triggers old wiring, and the body surges to protect. Integration doesn’t look like perfection; it looks like noticing faster, breathing sooner, repairing better, and choosing differently. Dreams and bold moves help translate unconscious signals into aligned action, whether that means renegotiating roles, shifting work, or creating boundaries that let spontaneity thrive without chaos. The goal isn’t to silence parts but to give each a seat at the table.

We also open a wider lens on meaning and the divine. Clients bring every kind of belief, from God-within to God-everywhere to none at all. Rather than forcing a box, we use humble curiosity as a bridge to connection. That stance mirrors inner balance: making space for difference without abandoning truth. If you’ve ever wondered why old wounds flash back or how to turn triggers into teachers, you’ll find language, tools, and stories that make the inner landscape livable, honest, and hopeful.

If this resonates, share it with someone who needs relief and a reframe. Then subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what bold move is your unconscious asking for today?

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

We take listener questions on how to “preempt” midlife turmoil, why flexible thinking beats rumination, and what healthy self-sufficiency looks like when you still need people. Along the way we use our four-quadrant model to reframe boundaries, create validation, and speak your partner’s language.

• difference between liking change and flexible thinking
• turning beliefs back into opinions to reopen options
• borrowing strengths across initiator, responder, transformer, stabilizer
• replacing negative what-ifs with creative what-ifs
• acting versus ruminating when consequences are inevitable
• reframing self-sufficiency as interdependence
• appreciating traits you once resisted in others
• communicating in the other person’s language and validating emotions
• holding boundaries with strong personalities without becoming them

Are you enjoying the podcast? We’d love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

We explore the STIR framework and answer a listener’s question about whether the goal is to stand in the center of all four styles, or to use each style wisely. We map how to grow in a resistant environment, when leaving is healthy, and how to set boundaries without turning conflict into a scorecard.

• STIR overview and the four styles
• Standing in the middle versus using what you need when you need it
• Opposites attract and the strain of those differences
• Finding your natural spot by noticing who annoys or attracts you
• Borrowing other styles without abandoning your base
• Growing when family systems resist change
• Stay or leave decisions and the role of likability
• Boundaries that are clean, not covert demands
• Taking conflict less personally and naming projections

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

We open our archive of listener questions to explore how to give honest feedback without a therapy license, how to manage triggers with self-awareness, and how parents can raise more integrated, emotionally grounded kids. We use simple tools like permission, curiosity, and active listening, then wrestle with school competition, adolescent individuation, and the culture’s uneasy relationship with accountability.

• asking permission before offering feedback
• using curiosity to reduce defensiveness
• tracking triggers and projection in conflict
• I-statements that name impact, not blame
• a two-part active listening exercise
• early personality formation and integration
• parenting with all four STIR quadrants
• adolescents pushing for individuation
• school competition vs nurtured strengths
• truth-telling, accountability, and growth

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

What if your stress, your arguments, and your burnout all point to one simple mismatch—using the right energy at the wrong time? We explore a Jungian-informed model of four energies—Stabilizer, Transformer, Initiator, Responder (STIR)—and show how balancing them reduces conflict, eases burnout, and strengthens relationships. Real client stories ground the ideas in clear steps you can use.

We start with the Stabilizer: the part that craves order, fairness, and control. Through real therapy and coaching stories, we trace how chaos at home or work pushes Stabilizers into rigidity, and how a subtle shift—setting boundaries for yourself rather than managing everyone else—brings relief. From there we meet the Transformer, the intuitive creative who sees possibilities others miss. We talk charisma, dry spells, and why epiphanies without structure stall. You’ll hear practical ways to ground big ideas.

Then we move to the Initiator, the action engine that turns vision into motion. We explore how to keep momentum without steamrolling context, creating cadences that protect scope and relationships. Finally, we honor the Responder, the caregiver who anticipates needs until they’re exhausted. We dig into false guilt, overfunctioning, and the healing power of being witnessed—how feeling heard restores energy and makes boundaries possible. Throughout, we map how these four energies collaborate. Integration is the goal, not perfection—borrowing the right voice at the right moment so life feels less like a fight and more like flow.

If the model resonates, share this episode with a friend who’d benefit, and consider which energy you want to practice this week. Subscribe for more grounded psychology, leave a review to help others find the show, and reach out if you’d like to work with us one-on-one.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

Ever catch yourself asking, “Is anybody thirsty?” when you really mean, “I am thirsty”? That’s projection. Projection is the way we see our denied traits, desires, needs, and fears in other people. In this episode we dig into projection with clear language, real stories, and actionable tools you can use the next time a small ask turns into a big fight.

We break down how projection can make our attraction to another person feel like destiny. And later, projection can fuel the disappointment phase, when the qualities that once drew us together start to grate on us. From the orange juice argument that nearly ended a marriage to the “need meter” who anticipates everyone’s needs but can’t voice their own, we show how to pull projections back, make direct requests without guilt, and build the capacity to get your needs met without tests or resentment. Along the way, we explore masculine and feminine energies, why both defense and receptivity matter, and how the kernel-of-truth test turns criticism into growth without taking it personally.

We explore the mediating factors of our family of origin; roles we were handed, dreams parents lived through us, wealth and scarcity scripts, and faith identities we inherited rather than owned. We also consider the shadow side: how we project what we won’t face onto “the other.” One of the desired outcomes is to promote relationships that grow up instead of blow up.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review so more curious people can find conversations like this. What projection are you ready to reclaim today?

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)