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Some people wake up ready for the day. We wake up already side-eyeing it.

This week we explore the fine art of being pre-annoyed… irritated in advance, bothered before the bother, emotionally buffering before the Wi-Fi even drops.

Why does the sound of the garage door trigger a full internal monologue?

Why does “I’m hungry” land like a personal accusation?

Why do people say, “I gotta question…” and then pause like they’re building suspense for a Netflix docuseries? Just ask it. Rip the Band-Aid.

We also unpack:The aggressive “…or?” follow-up like we missed an invisible option.

• People who confidently narrate your life back to you.
• Line crowders who believe breathing on your neck builds community.
• And Diana declaring 7 PM dinner plans legally late. Seven. PM. The sun is still clocked in.

It’s petty psychology. It’s household chaos. It’s three women admitting we sometimes live in a constant state of pre-irritation for absolutely no reason… and also for very valid reasons.

If you’ve ever been annoyed before anything technically happened, this one’s for you.

Listen now, rate, review, follow, and send it to the person who says “I gotta question…” and then forgets it mid-sentence.

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Happy One Year, Shit Apples!!

In this anniversary episode, we roll out the glittery red carpet for our very first annual Shitties Award Ceremony. Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds. We hand out completely unhinged awards to ourselves, relive the chaos, and crown the moments that made us laugh the hardest, cringe the deepest, and text each other “should we cut that?” (We didn’t.)

We rewind to how this whole thing started, the spark, the late night talks, the “should we actually do this?” energy and how far we’ve come. We give flowers where they’re due, especially to Stephanie, because none of this wild, beautiful ride happens without her.

Then, for the first time ever, the woman behind the camera steps into the chair. The mystery. The magic. The steady hand guiding the madness. We finally sit down with the queen of behind-the-scenes and get her perspective on how this all began and what it’s been like helping wrangle three women with microphones and zero filters.

And to close it all out, Shelley delivers a toast that feels like clinking champagne glasses under a disco ball made of good luck and bold dreams. ✨🥂

One year down. Bigger laughs ahead.

Thank you for being part of our orchard.

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This week we take aim at Valentine’s Day — not love itself, just the commercialized circus around it. We’re joined by our special guest Alicia Gayman, owner of Peace Love and Hair Salon in Scottsdale, who shares her jaw-dropping story that started like a fairytale and quickly turned into a full-blown nightmare. What she went through is shocking, eye-opening, and a powerful reminder to trust your gut.

After that, we get into our full Valentine’s Day rant: why we think it’s a manufactured holiday, why a single long-stem rose feels ridiculous, and why going out to dinner on February 14 is overpriced chaos. We break down all the things that make us roll our eyes — the pressure, the expectations, and the performative romance.

But true to our vibe, this isn’t a bash-love episode. Now that Alicia is on the other side of her experience, we ask her what she’s looking for in a partner — and discover that she’s still very much open to love!

It’s honest, funny, a little messy, and surprisingly hopeful — with plenty of side-eye for Cupid along the way.

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This week on “Girl Math Made Me Subscribe,” The Shit Apple Podcast dives headfirst into the wild, slippery waters of subscriptions. From the absolutely necessary to the utterly unhinged, the three of us tally up what we’re paying for, what we forgot we signed up for, and what we will die on a hill defending. Shelley introduces us to her digital hall monitor Rocket Money, which lovingly exposes every charge while she calmly refuses to break up with any of them.

We travel back in time to when subscriptions meant newspapers on your doorstep, magazines in your mailbox, and cassette tapes arriving like little plastic promises of joy. Then we rocket forward to today’s ecosystem of streaming services, fitness apps, sleep trackers, and sneaky “free trials” that pounce on your credit card like a glittery trap.

Along the way, we unpack all the psychological tricks companies use to rope you in, why canceling feels harder than breaking a blood oath, and why auto-renew might be the most chaotic invention of modern life.

Grab your receipts, clutch your wallet, and join us for an episode that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe finally look at that credit card statement with fresh eyes 💸✨

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✨ Bougie Behavior Unlocked ✨

In this episode, we fully embrace the things we’ve become unapologetically high-maintenance about. From refusing to rent the wrong color car, demanding keyless entry like civilized people, and insisting on organic everything, to only using top-notch cookware, skipping lines, enduring terrible concert seats, or staying in crusty hotels with that suspicious bedspread.

We’re calling ourselves out. Loudly.

Plus, we read a listener’s “You Know What I Hate!” because nothing bonds people like shared petty grievances.

If your standards have risen and your patience has vanished, this one’s for you. 🎧✨

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Welcome to a support group where no one wants support, only witnesses. 👀

This week we’re confessing every tiny, unhinged, accidental and extremely intentional way people beg for attention… starting with ourselves, because obviously.

We roast Shelley for fully believing she’s famous now that a handful of people recognize her voice from the podcast. We admit the loudest truth of all: starting a podcast is basically Attention Seeking Level One. Diana claims she was “recognized” at Costco… until we uncover it was actually Tiffany’s dad, Bruce.

From people who sneeze seventeen times in a row at IMAX volume, to adults who dramatically request a straw, to loud vomiting that somehow needs an audience… nothing is safe. We spiral through vocal fry, fake accents, plastic surgery as a personality trait, needing a receipt for a pack of gum, and much more!!

If you’ve ever wondered “was that necessary?” this episode is for you.

No anonymity. No shame. Just attention. Lots of it. 🎤🍎

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Why are some people perfectly fine leaving life messy… while others need a label for every spice, book, and snack?

In this episode, we dive into Type A vs Type B personalities. Shelley is the ultimate Type B—laid-back, go-with-the-flow energy—while Tiffany and Diana are full-on Type A, organizing spice racks, saving food like it’s a national sport, and taking banana bread potential very seriously. Things get weirdly competitive when it comes to who actually follows through with those “save the brown bananas” promises… and who doesn’t.

We laugh, we judge (a little), and we explore the hilarious tension that happens when Type A energy meets Type B chill.

Expect relatable chaos, tiny domestic battles, and plenty of Shit Apple behavior🍎

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We missed you guys—like, a lot—and we’re finally back 🎉 After a great (and slightly chaotic) holiday season, we’re catching up, ringing in the New Year, and hoping yours was just as good. Happy New Year to all of our listeners… we missed you terribly.

In today’s episode, we’re talking all things New Year’s: parties, traditions, how our holidays actually went, our own New Year’s resolutions (take those lightly), and what we think other people’s resolutions should be. Plus, Shelley comes in hot with her opinions on what each of us should change about ourselves in the New Year… whether we asked or not.

Same us. New year. Let’s go. 🍎✨