Today's is a short and sharp episode on how to stop procrastinating.

When you understand that it comes from the brain you are onto a winner.

To watch the YouTube clip then follow the link below:

https://youtu.be/CPdFK62Q0J4

The two darts is a Buddhist concept that describes how pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

The first dart is the unavoidable pain of life, both physically and emotionally. This is unavoidable and we will all experience it.

The second dart is the suffering that we add by the way we frame the pain we are experiencing. This part is optional.

Often we throw second darts when first darts haven't even been thrown.

Take control of your second darts and watch your life improve.

So many of us are feeling a lack of fulfillment and frustration with our lives and are pursing happiness but never find it.

In this weeks episode I will show you the secret to happiness and confidence and how it is not something we pursue, it is something we create.

In this episode I answer the question “Why is it so hard to do the things you know you have to do and that you know will benefit you in the long term?”

It’s amazing isn’t it how bad habits are so easy to pick up but good habits are so hard to create.

In this episode I will share with you the four step process to build better habits and drop the bad ones.

Anxiety is something we all experience and many people struggle with.

In this weeks I talk about my experience of anxiety after leaving the Police and how I deal with it and don’t let it stop me.

In this episode we hear from Martyn, a Detective from Avon and Somerset Constabulary who was a client in my 1:1 Stress to Success Program.

When Martyn came to me he was in Burnout, fueled by energy drinks and caffeine and was stuck in the people pleasing cycle.

Martyn talks about how he learnt to accept himself for the first time and replaced his people pleasing tendencies with clear values that were important to him.

Martyn said that he went to therapy for 6 years and felt that working with me and working through the coaching process, he achieved more in himself in those few weeks that he had done in therapy.

I love how Martyn describes coaching he said "You laid the brickwork for the road in front me. Now I have the ability to lay that brickwork in front of myself."

Martyn is an amazing person and is an example of what you can achieve when you truly commit to yourself and have the courage to follow through.

In this Episode I share with you a lesson I recorded in my 'Stress to Success' Program.

Failure never feels nice, but why do some failures feel worse than others. Failure is supposed to feel uncomfortable because it draws our attention to the problem; the gap between what we expected to happen and the result we actually got.

That's the normal pain that is going to, in the most part be unavoidable. This is often referred to as the Fist Dart.

Then there's the second, optional dart, and this comes from what we make that failure mean. For so many perfectionists they make the failure mean that 'They are a failure', 'They have let others down' or that that 'They are worthless'.

They then start doubting themselves which effects their future decision making which feed the cycle.

But why does our brain do this?

My theory is that it is the brain's protective mechanism. It's protecting us from future judgement of others. If we judge ourselves first, then the judgement from others won't feel so bad. This is obviously bullshit because the judgement from others still feels just as bad and we have just made it worse by adding to the judgement ourselves. It's not like judging ourselves makes us immune to the pain.

The brain registers judgement and rejection in a similar way to physical pain and therefore wants to avoid it at all costs. This made sense when we lived in tribes and our very survival was dependent on staying in that tribe and being accepted.

This wiring is outdated but our brain has not had the software update, and that isn't coming anytime soon. That's why we need to be aware that the discomfort we feel from being judged is just our brain thinking we are going to die and the fear we feel beforehand is the brain warning us of that future threat.

As we learn to fail in front of others, process that discomfort and show our brain that we are safe, it starts to fear judgement less.

Why is this important?

Because the fear of judgement is the most pervasive fear, affecting carers, relationships, has us saying 'Yes' to everything and feeling overwhelmed.

Ultimately it stops us just being ourselves, feeling trapped and living a life of quiet desperation.

This episode my wife, Nicky Bevan and I talk about the Highs and lows of life.

We talk about how when we (especially men) feel vulnerable we default to anger and frustration. We get very angry with ourselves and add a lot of self judgement that pushes us further down the spiral.

In this episode I even get compared to Basil Fawlty when dealing with the delights of technology.

There's a lot of learning to be had here, especially for couples.

Have a listen and see what you think.

Jonny