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Raised on Shame

Raised on Shame

Von: Kimberly Wilder LMHC
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 Raised on Shame is a trauma-informed podcast about unlearning shame-based beliefs rooted in faith, purity culture, and high-control systems. Hosted by Licensed Mental Health Counselor and EMDR therapist Kimberly Wilder, the show explores how shame shapes identity, relationships, bodies, and choice. This is not about abandoning faith, it’s about reclaiming agency, voice, and self-trust. You decide what comes next.Kimberly Wilder, LMHC Hygiene & gesundes Leben Seelische & Geistige Gesundheit
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  • Leaving Didn’t Heal Me, Grieving Did

    Leaving Didn’t Heal Me, Grieving Did
    Feb 24 2026
    Leaving a harmful system doesn’t always bring immediate relief. Sometimes it brings grief - quiet, complicated, and hard to name. Especially when what was lost wasn’t just belief, but community, certainty, identity, and belonging.In this episode of Raised on Shame, we talk about ambiguous loss - the kind of grief that doesn’t have a clear ending or social permission to exist. We explore why leaving alone doesn’t heal, why grief often shows up as anger, numbness, or shame, and why missing something that harmed you doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.Together, we cover:What ambiguous loss is and why it’s so common after leaving shame-based or high-control systemsLosing community, certainty, and identity all at onceWhy grief doesn’t always look like sadnessHow anger, numbness, or shame can be expressions of unacknowledged griefGiving yourself permission to miss what mattered -even if it also caused harmA gentle writing practice to help name loss, growth, and what still achesThis episode isn’t about rushing healing or finding meaning in pain. It’s about allowing grief to exist without judgment - and recognizing that grieving is not a step backward, but part of integration.If it feels supportive, try this writing prompt:What I lostWhat I gainedWhat still achesThere’s no requirement that gain outweigh loss. Honesty is enough.As you move through the week, consider:What are you still grieving, even if you don’t wish it back?This episode discusses grief, loss, and spiritual harm in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available in the show notes.BooksAmbiguous Loss by Pauline BossIt’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan DevineBraiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall KimmererMan's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. FranklTuesdays with Morrie by by Mitch AlbomIt Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark WolynnWhen Religion Hurts You by Laura AndersonTrauma TherapyEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy Somatic Experiencing® (SE)Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)Other ResourcesReligious Trauma InstituteReligious Trauma SyndromeExpressive writing research — James PennebakerPop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing) Still Small Voice (MUBI)Surviving Death (Netflix)Shrinking (Apple TV+)The Leftovers (HBO)The Unknown Country (MUBI)Station Eleven (HBO)The Moon Was the First TV (MUBI)Practice/Journal Prompt Try writing three lists:What I lostWhat I gainedWhat still achesThere is no requirement that gain outweigh loss.This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.Find a Therapisthttps://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/www.psychologytoday.com PracticeReflectionContent NoteReminderResourcesReminder
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    15 Min.
  • Your Body Was Never the Problem

    Your Body Was Never the Problem
    Feb 10 2026
    Many of us were taught-explicitly or quietly-that our bodies could not be trusted. Whether through purity culture, dieting, or both, the message was often the same: control your body, monitor your impulses, and override what you feel.In this episode of Raised on Shame, we explore how purity culture and diet culture fracture body awareness in remarkably similar ways. Through a trauma-informed lens, we talk about how disconnection from the body often develops as a survival strategy-and why rebuilding embodiment doesn’t require confidence, sexuality, or positivity.Together, we cover:How purity culture and dieting teach distrust of the bodyCommon sex myths and body-image beliefs many women carry into adulthoodWhy advice like “just relax” often increases shame instead of safetyHow trauma reshapes body awareness and sensationA gentle practice for reclaiming neutral body awarenessThis episode is about presence, not performance. It’s about learning to notice your body again—without fixing it, judging it, or demanding anything from it.As you listen this week, consider starting with neutrality:Notice one neutral body sensation (temperature, pressure, contact)Let awareness be enough—no interpretation or change requiredThis episode discusses purity culture, diet culture, shame, and body disconnection in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.What to be a guest on the show? Click here and scroll to the bottom of the page to complete the form. BooksHealth at Every Size - Linda BaconIntuitive Eating & Intuitive Eating Workbook - Evelyn Tribole & Elyse ReschMore Than A Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament - Lexie Kite, Lindsay Kite, et al.The F*ck It Diet: Eating Should Be Easy - Caroline DoonerShameless: A Sexual Reformation - Nadia Bolz-WeberThe Marriage Portrait by Maggie O'FarrellTrauma TherapyEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy Somatic Experiencing® (SE)Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)Other ResourcesReligious Trauma InstituteThe Reclamation CollectiveCenter for Body Trust® Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consentwww.OMGYes.comHappiness in America, Part 1-The Secret to a 'Good Life,' According to an 80-Year StudyPop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing) Let Us Prey: A Ministry of Scandals (HBO)The Keepers (Netflix)Under the Banner of Heaven (FX / Hulu)SpotlightThe Vow (HBO)Dying for Sex (Hulu)Reflection/Journal Prompt Where did you first learn to override your body’s signals—and what did that protect you from?This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.Find a Therapisthttps://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/www.psychologytoday.com
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    42 Min.
  • Discernment, Intuition, or Hypervigilance?

    Discernment, Intuition, or Hypervigilance?
    Jan 27 2026
    Many of us were taught to look outside ourselves for answers—to seek approval, guidance, or certainty from authority, faith, or fear. Over time, this can make it hard to know the difference between intuition, discernment, and a trauma-driven threat response.In this episode of Raised on Shame, we explore how trauma and shame-based systems can rewire intuition, often training people out of trusting their own bodies and instincts. We talk about why phrases like “pray about it” or “don’t trust your heart” can unintentionally disrupt self-trust, especially in high-control or faith-based environments.Together, we cover:The difference between intuition, discernment, and hypervigilance (without jargon)How trauma shifts decision-making from inner knowing to survivalWhy urgency is often a clue that fear—not intuition—is leadingHow self-trust is rebuilt slowly after shame-based controlA simple body-based practice for mapping intuition versus fearThis episode is not about telling you what decisions to make. It’s about helping you notice how your body learned to make them—and how that process can gently change.As you listen this week, notice:How does your body signal fear?How does it signal safety?There’s no need to act on what you notice. Awareness is enough.This episode discusses trauma, shame, and high-control systems in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.Practice Content NoteThis episode discusses trauma, shame, and high-control systems in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.ResourcesBooksHealing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina FisherThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der KolkWaking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Book by Peter A. LevineWhen Religion Hurts You by Laura AndersonUntamed by Glennon DoyleRumors Secrets & Lies: Poems about Pregnancy, Abortion & Choice by Carol Knight (Editor), Kristine Snodgrass (Editor)Out on a Limb by Shirley MacLaineTrauma & Nervous SystemEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy Somatic Experiencing® (SE)Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)Other ResourcesReligious Trauma InstituteThe Reclamation CollectivePeople Leave CultsMarlene Winell's Religious Trauma Syndrome Betty Martin’s Wheel of ConsentLinda Marie's Artwork Priestess vs Patriarchy. Palaver Tree Theater. March 2025Why Men Love WarThe Rewilding by Ada LimónPop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing) Shrinking (Apple TV+)The OA (Netflix)Undone (Amazon Prime)Take ShelterSeverance (Apple TV+)ArrivalReflection/Journal PromptHow does your body signal fear—and how does it signal safety?ReminderThis podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.Find a Therapisthttps://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/www.psychologytoday.com
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    54 Min.
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