Leaving Didn’t Heal Me, Grieving Did Titelbild

Leaving Didn’t Heal Me, Grieving Did

Leaving Didn’t Heal Me, Grieving Did

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 Leaving a harmful system doesn’t always bring immediate relief. Sometimes it brings grief - quiet, complicated, and hard to name. Especially when what was lost wasn’t just belief, but community, certainty, identity, and belonging.In this episode of Raised on Shame, we talk about ambiguous loss - the kind of grief that doesn’t have a clear ending or social permission to exist. We explore why leaving alone doesn’t heal, why grief often shows up as anger, numbness, or shame, and why missing something that harmed you doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.Together, we cover:What ambiguous loss is and why it’s so common after leaving shame-based or high-control systemsLosing community, certainty, and identity all at onceWhy grief doesn’t always look like sadnessHow anger, numbness, or shame can be expressions of unacknowledged griefGiving yourself permission to miss what mattered -even if it also caused harmA gentle writing practice to help name loss, growth, and what still achesThis episode isn’t about rushing healing or finding meaning in pain. It’s about allowing grief to exist without judgment - and recognizing that grieving is not a step backward, but part of integration.If it feels supportive, try this writing prompt:What I lostWhat I gainedWhat still achesThere’s no requirement that gain outweigh loss. Honesty is enough.As you move through the week, consider:What are you still grieving, even if you don’t wish it back?This episode discusses grief, loss, and spiritual harm in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available in the show notes.BooksAmbiguous Loss by Pauline BossIt’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan DevineBraiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall KimmererMan's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. FranklTuesdays with Morrie by by Mitch AlbomIt Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark WolynnWhen Religion Hurts You by Laura AndersonTrauma TherapyEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy Somatic Experiencing® (SE)Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)Other ResourcesReligious Trauma InstituteReligious Trauma SyndromeExpressive writing research — James PennebakerPop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing) Still Small Voice (MUBI)Surviving Death (Netflix)Shrinking (Apple TV+)The Leftovers (HBO)The Unknown Country (MUBI)Station Eleven (HBO)The Moon Was the First TV (MUBI)Practice/Journal Prompt Try writing three lists:What I lostWhat I gainedWhat still achesThere is no requirement that gain outweigh loss.This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.Find a Therapisthttps://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/www.psychologytoday.com PracticeReflectionContent NoteReminderResourcesReminder
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