This episode (#295) examines the devastating impact of a husband who weaponized pornography and withheld intimacy as punishment for his wife not meeting his “ideal” body standard. Over two decades, his rejection inflicted a “self-esteem massacre,” leaving her questioning how she could ever recover. We identify this behavior as rooted in immaturity, selfishness, and abuse, making clear that true love cannot coexist with manipulation, blame, and objectification.

On the husband’s side, recovery requires full accountability for the betrayal, exploration of the underlying reasons for his actions, and professional support to overcome blind spots. He must rewire his arousal template away from pornography’s objectification, learn to value his wife as a whole person, and proactively pursue her through consistent, tangible actions of empathy and repair. Without ongoing accountability and amends, there is no foundation for rebuilding trust.

For the partner, healing means cultivating self-worth independent of him, setting clear boundaries, and building a support network outside the marriage. She must find her authentic voice to name her needs, articulate the impact of his actions, and decide what is safe and healthy for her future. The article closes with affirmation: she did not cause this, she does not deserve it, she cannot fix him, and she remains inherently valuable and lovable regardless of his choices.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Partner uses Porn to Punish Me for Not Losing Weight. How do I Recover from That?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: The Impact of a Sexually Abusive Childhood on a Betrayed Partner (Part 1)

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 293, Mark ands Steve address how childhood sexual abuse is a form of complex trauma that imprints deeply on a survivor’s understanding of love, trust, and sexuality. It often distorts sexual norms, blurs boundaries between consent and compliance, and creates lasting confusion around intimacy. Survivors may develop insecure attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—and struggle with either extreme sexual avoidance or sexualized attempts to gain connection and worth. These patterns are not merely psychological; they are wired into the brain’s emotional memory systems, shaping relationships for decades.

When betrayal trauma occurs in adulthood, the impact is often magnified for survivors of early abuse. The discovery of infidelity or sexual betrayal can reawaken old wounds, undermining not just trust in the current relationship but in people in general. Past reconciliations with abusers or protectors may unravel, and hypervigilance can take over—making the world feel unsafe at every turn. This compounded trauma is not simply about the betrayal itself; it’s about the way the betrayal mirrors and magnifies the earliest, most damaging experiences in the survivor’s life.

Understanding these intersections is critical for both survivors and their partners—especially those in addiction recovery. Naming these patterns removes the mystery behind overwhelming emotional reactions, replacing self-blame or confusion with clarity. For the unfaithful partner, it deepens awareness of the harm caused and the seriousness of the recovery work ahead. For the survivor, it creates a foundation for informed healing—making it possible to separate past from present and begin rebuilding trust and safety in a deliberate, compassionate way.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Healing for Betrayed Partners with a Sexually Abusive Past (PART 2)

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services