Every day, you’re watching your teen or young adult make choices you wouldn’t make, and feeling the constant pull to intervene. You see the risks. You imagine the consequences. And somewhere along the way, hope for progress turns into pressure for outcomes.

Today, Seth and I talk about what happens when parents become attached to how growth is supposed to look: sobriety first, independence next, emotional maturity on a timeline that makes sense to you. And how easily those expectations, even when they come from love, can turn into frustration, judgment, or disconnection.

This conversation invites you into a different role: one where your job isn’t to manage your teen or young adult’s path, but to stay present while they walk it. We explore why letting go of expectations for your teen doesn’t mean approving of everything they do. There are ways to trust their process and actually protect the relationship long enough for real change to take root.

If you’re exhausted from waiting for things to “click,” confused about what progress even looks like anymore, or afraid that stepping back means failing as a parent, let us offer you a reframe.

In this episode on letting go of expectations for your teen or young adult, we discuss:

• The difference between supporting your teen and managing their life;
• Why parents often mistake outcomes for growth;
• How expectations can quietly turn into pressure, judgment, or enmeshment;
• What it means to witness your teen’s discovery process without trying to fix it;
• The difference between providing opportunity and controlling direction;
• How curiosity builds safety where judgment shuts communication down;
• Why connection matters more than getting the “right” result;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ Small GROUP COACHING program starting March 3rd, 2026 ✨
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there

When your teen is engaging in self-destructive behaviors, what you usually see is the tip of the iceberg. You see the cutting, the substance use, the school refusal, the shutdowns or blowups, and it’s scary, confusing, and exhausting.

But what’s happening underneath those behaviors is often invisible. Big emotions. Overwhelm. Shame. Anxiety. A nervous system that’s trying to survive. And when all you can see is the behavior, misunderstanding and frustration are almost inevitable.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, author, and DBT clinician Katie May to help parents slow down and start understanding self-destructive behaviors in their teen or young adult kid through a very different lens. One rooted in the idea that all behavior makes sense, especially when you understand what it’s doing for them.

We talk about the iceberg analogy and why focusing only on the “tip” keeps parents stuck in fear, power struggles, and reactivity. Katie helps decode behaviors like self-harm, suicidal ideation, substance use, and school avoidance as attempts to regulate overwhelming emotions, not attention-seeking or manipulation.

Let’s have a look at how to respond to destructive behaviors in ways that reduce shame, build trust, and create the conditions for real change.

In this episode on understanding self-destructive behaviors, we discuss:

• The iceberg analogy: why behavior is only the tip of what’s really happening;
• What “all behavior makes sense” actually means for parents;
• How emotional dysregulation fuels self-harm, substance use, and school refusal in teens and young adults;
• Why parents often get stuck reacting to behavior instead of responding to their child’s needs;
• How your own regulation as a parent can de-escalate intense situations;
• Validating your teen’s emotions without excusing harmful behavior;
• How boundaries, connection, and repair work together;
• And more!

More about Katie May

Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You’re On Fire, It’s Fine. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of only 11 Linehan Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change.

Learn more about Katie on her website: https://youreonfireitsfine.com/ or connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “This has to be rock bottom… surely it can’t get worse than this,”? As painful as that thought is, it can also feel strangely comforting. Because if this is the worst of it… then maybe things will finally start to get better.

When your teen or young adult is making painful, risky, or destructive choices, the idea of rock bottom can feel like a lifeline. A way to survive the moment. A way to believe that relief, change, or recovery must be just around the corner. But what if that hope is actually keeping you stuck?

In this episode, I’m joined by Seth for a deeply honest conversation about the false hope of rock bottom and why so many parents unknowingly use it as a way to predict, control, or emotionally prepare for outcomes that are completely out of their hands.

We talk about why rock bottom isn’t a clear turning point, why it’s not something parents can identify or decide for someone else, and how placing your hope there often leads to more disappointment, helplessness, and heartbreak. We also talk about what happens when you stop waiting for someone else to change, and gently turn your focus back to yourself.

This isn’t about giving up hope. It’s about letting go of a belief that quietly keeps parents stuck, and finding a steadier, more sustainable way to get through the uncertainty of parenting a struggling teen or young adult.

In this episode on the false hope of rock bottom, we discuss:

• Why parents cling to the idea of rock bottom when their teen is struggling;
• How rock bottom becomes a false sense of hope and control;
• Why rock bottom is not a fixed point and can always move;
• The emotional cost of waiting for your teen to “finally change”;
• How expectations around rock bottom set parents up for more hurt;
• The difference between reflection and prediction when it comes to personal lows;
• What to focus on when you can’t control your teen’s choices but still need to survive the moment;
• And more.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re doing everything you can, and yet you feel like you’re failing as a parent… Believe me, you’re not alone, and today, I’d even like to offer you a change of perspective: What if you’ve been giving the wrong job description as a parent?

You might believe your role is to keep your kids happy, safe, and “on track.” And when it inevitably becomes clear that you don’t have any control over this during the teen years, the shame comes creeping in fast, right? You start questioning every decision, every boundary, every reaction, and it can leave you feeling like a failing parent, even when you’re trying harder than ever.

In this conversation, I’m joined by life coach and fellow parent Jessica Stewart, who names something so many of us feel but rarely say out loud: parents were given the wrong job description. Together, we explore why fix-it mode is so tempting, why it often backfires, and what actually helps when parenting a struggling teen starts to feel overwhelming.

This episode is an invitation to step out of fear-based parenting, loosen your grip on control, and refocus on the only place you truly have influence: yourself. If you’re exhausted, discouraged, or quietly wondering if you’re messing everything up, tune in, I recorded this one for you.

In this episode on feeling like you’re failing as a parent, we discuss:

• Why so many parents feel like failures, especially during the teen years;
• How the “fix-it” and rescue mindset keeps parents stuck;
• What it really means to let go without giving up;
• A healthier parenting “job description” that actually works;
• How connection, acceptance, love, and emotional regulation change everything in your family;
• Why focusing on your own behavior is the most powerful parenting move you can make;
• And more.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

More about Jessica Stewart

Jessica Stewart is a certified Life Coach, Respiratory Therapist, Certified Tobacco Educator, and host of the podcast The Teen Years Toolkit For Moms. Having raised two teenage sons of her own, she now helps parents of teenagers understand how their own emotional management is the best tool for raising teens. She is currently accepting clients for her 1:1 coaching practice.

You can connect with Jessica on her website, find her on Instagram or Facebook, or reach out at Jessicastewartcoach@gmail.com.

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Recently, we lost a dear friend to suicide. One of my son’s best friends, who had become a part of our family. This is a tender and deeply personal conversation in which Seth and I talk about the loss of a young man who mattered deeply to our family, and what witnessing his death taught me about struggling teens, their ‘yellow’ or ‘red friends’, pain, and connection.

This is not an easy conversation. There are tears. There is grief. And there is also something profoundly important here for parents of struggling teens. What I witnessed in the aftermath of this loss changed me. It expanded my understanding of how much we miss when we focus only on behavior, substance use, or “bad choices,” without seeing the pain and connection underneath.

As parents, it’s natural to lock in on what scares us most: the drugs, the risk-taking, the behaviors that feel dangerous or out of control. But when we do that, we often miss the deeper story. We miss the love these kids have for one another. We miss the ways they show up for each other. And sometimes, we miss opportunities to be part of what keeps them alive.

This episode is an invitation to slow down, soften your lens, and look beyond behavior. It’s a reminder that healing happens in relationships, and that connection, empathy, and support matter more than we often realize.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What I witnessed after someone close to my family died by suicide, and how it changed me;
• Why focusing only on behavior can blind us to what our teens are really experiencing;
• The powerful sense of connection and care teens often have for one another;
• How substance use can mask deeper pain, grief, and unmet needs;
• What it looks like to see teens, and their friends, as whole humans, not just problems to fix.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Learning to let go is one of the hardest but most necessary parts of parenting a struggling teen, especially when your child’s behaviors feel frightening, confusing, and completely out of your control.

In this episode, I’m joined again by Michelle, a mom who has walked a long, painful, and ultimately transformative path with her daughter, who was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Together, we talk honestly about what it looks like to parent through intense fear, misdiagnosis, shame, and the overwhelming urge to control in order to keep your child alive.

Michelle shares what it was like before she understood her daughter’s mental health struggles, when substance use, self-harm, and suicidality felt like “bad choices” instead of symptoms, and how that misunderstanding led to extreme lockdowns that, in hindsight, caused more harm than healing. She also opens up about the guilt that followed, and how she learned to meet herself with compassion instead of self-blame.

This is a deep conversation about parenting a struggling teen when fear drives your decisions, and how letting go doesn’t mean giving up. Instead, it means changing how you show up. Michelle reflects on learning new ways to communicate, recognizing when “help” is actually invalidating, and managing the anxiety that comes with giving your teen or young adult more independence.

If you’ve ever felt consumed by fear around your struggling teen’s behavior, obsessed with keeping your child safe, or unsure where your responsibility ends and theirs begins, this episode is for you.

In this episode on learning to let go, we discuss:

• What it feels like to parent before you understand your child’s mental health diagnosis;
• How fear can lead to control, and why control often backfires;
• Letting go of the belief that you can save your teen’s life;
• The difference between supporting your child and managing your own anxiety;
• How certain “helpful” behaviors (like constant checking or cheerleading) can be invalidating;
• Practical tools for responding to fear without letting it run the show;
• Learning new ways to communicate that build trust and self-advocacy in your teen or young adult child;
• Redefining your role as your teen becomes a young adult;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨
Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

There’s a kind of grief many parents of struggling teens carry that doesn’t always get named.

It’s not just the fear.
It’s not just the exhaustion.
It’s the quiet heartbreak of realizing that the life you once imagined for your child may never unfold the way you thought it would.

In this episode, I’m joined by Paul King, a father with lived experience navigating teen substance abuse and relapse. Paul shares his family’s story from the early warning signs, to trauma, to years of substance use, treatment, and relapse. Together, we talk about anticipatory grief, the ongoing grief parents live with when their child is still alive, still struggling, and still at risk.

We also explore why relapse is part of recovery, why trying to “fix” or control our kids can leave parents burned out and hopeless, and how learning to separate your child from their behavior can change everything. This is a conversation about grief, love, boundaries, and learning how to cope when the path forward looks nothing like what you expected.

If you’re parenting a child impacted by teen substance abuse, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

In this episode on teen substance abuse and relapse, we discuss:

• Paul’s story as a dad living with his daughter’s substance abuse;
• What anticipatory grief is and why so many parents experience it;
• Grieving the life you thought your child would have;
• Why relapse is common, and why it doesn’t mean treatment “failed”;
• Why “rock bottom” isn’t necessary for recovery;
• How boundaries and self-care as a parent actually support your teen’s healing;
• What coping can look like when your child continues to struggle;
• And much more.

More about Paul King

Paul is a calm, kind communicator studying a Diploma of Counselling. Across his working life he has chosen people‑centred roles: running his own homeopathy clinic, supporting students and community members in education, producing stories with care in media and training, and now hosting a podcast and volunteering on the Family Drug Support helpline.

Learn more about Paul’s work on https://familyhopesupport.com/ or listen to his podcast ‘Family Support In Addiction Recovery’.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ 6-week Boundaries Masterclass ✨
Starting January 13th -- Early Bird price until December 31st!

👉🏼 Click here to sign up, or go to bethhillmancoaching.com/boundariesmasterclass

I hope to see you there!

When your kid keeps struggling and nothing seems to change, it’s natural to focus all your energy on them. Their choices. Their behavior. Their refusal to do things differently. But have you ever tried looking at your own part? Because even though it might feel unfair, change in families often starts with the parents.

In this episode, Seth and I talk about what happens when families feel stuck in repeating patterns with your teen, even maybe after therapy, treatment, boundaries, and countless conversations. We explore why change rarely comes from doing more of the same, and why the most meaningful shifts often begin in places parents aren’t taught to look: their reactions, beliefs, and sense of safety in the home.

We unpack the difference between supporting and rescuing, structure and control, belief and fear. And we talk honestly about the discomfort parents face when they start asking themselves, “What is my part in this dynamic?”, especially when their teen is the one making risky or painful choices.

This episode is not about blaming parents or letting teens off the hook. It’s about understanding how family dynamics shape behavior, why repeating cycles persist, and how parents can become the catalyst for change, without lecturing, rescuing, or giving up.

In this episode on what to do when you feel stuck in repeating patterns with your teen or young adult, we discuss:

• How fear, control, and rescue can unintentionally keep cycles going;
• What it really means for parents to “look at their part”, and why it’s so hard;
• The messages teens receive from you about safety, capability, and trust;
• Why change in families often starts with parents, even when it feels unfair;
• How shifting beliefs creates space for real change in your family;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.