Every day, you’re watching your teen or young adult make choices you wouldn’t make, and feeling the constant pull to intervene. You see the risks. You imagine the consequences. And somewhere along the way, hope for progress turns into pressure for outcomes.

Today, Seth and I talk about what happens when parents become attached to how growth is supposed to look: sobriety first, independence next, emotional maturity on a timeline that makes sense to you. And how easily those expectations, even when they come from love, can turn into frustration, judgment, or disconnection.

This conversation invites you into a different role: one where your job isn’t to manage your teen or young adult’s path, but to stay present while they walk it. We explore why letting go of expectations for your teen doesn’t mean approving of everything they do. There are ways to trust their process and actually protect the relationship long enough for real change to take root.

If you’re exhausted from waiting for things to “click,” confused about what progress even looks like anymore, or afraid that stepping back means failing as a parent, let us offer you a reframe.

In this episode on letting go of expectations for your teen or young adult, we discuss:

• The difference between supporting your teen and managing their life;
• Why parents often mistake outcomes for growth;
• How expectations can quietly turn into pressure, judgment, or enmeshment;
• What it means to witness your teen’s discovery process without trying to fix it;
• The difference between providing opportunity and controlling direction;
• How curiosity builds safety where judgment shuts communication down;
• Why connection matters more than getting the “right” result;
• And more!

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

✨ Small GROUP COACHING program starting March 3rd, 2026 ✨
Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/groups
I hope to see you there

When your teen is engaging in self-destructive behaviors, what you usually see is the tip of the iceberg. You see the cutting, the substance use, the school refusal, the shutdowns or blowups, and it’s scary, confusing, and exhausting.

But what’s happening underneath those behaviors is often invisible. Big emotions. Overwhelm. Shame. Anxiety. A nervous system that’s trying to survive. And when all you can see is the behavior, misunderstanding and frustration are almost inevitable.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, author, and DBT clinician Katie May to help parents slow down and start understanding self-destructive behaviors in their teen or young adult kid through a very different lens. One rooted in the idea that all behavior makes sense, especially when you understand what it’s doing for them.

We talk about the iceberg analogy and why focusing only on the “tip” keeps parents stuck in fear, power struggles, and reactivity. Katie helps decode behaviors like self-harm, suicidal ideation, substance use, and school avoidance as attempts to regulate overwhelming emotions, not attention-seeking or manipulation.

Let’s have a look at how to respond to destructive behaviors in ways that reduce shame, build trust, and create the conditions for real change.

In this episode on understanding self-destructive behaviors, we discuss:

• The iceberg analogy: why behavior is only the tip of what’s really happening;
• What “all behavior makes sense” actually means for parents;
• How emotional dysregulation fuels self-harm, substance use, and school refusal in teens and young adults;
• Why parents often get stuck reacting to behavior instead of responding to their child’s needs;
• How your own regulation as a parent can de-escalate intense situations;
• Validating your teen’s emotions without excusing harmful behavior;
• How boundaries, connection, and repair work together;
• And more!

More about Katie May

Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You’re On Fire, It’s Fine. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of only 11 Linehan Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change.

Learn more about Katie on her website: https://youreonfireitsfine.com/ or connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “This has to be rock bottom… surely it can’t get worse than this,”? As painful as that thought is, it can also feel strangely comforting. Because if this is the worst of it… then maybe things will finally start to get better.

When your teen or young adult is making painful, risky, or destructive choices, the idea of rock bottom can feel like a lifeline. A way to survive the moment. A way to believe that relief, change, or recovery must be just around the corner. But what if that hope is actually keeping you stuck?

In this episode, I’m joined by Seth for a deeply honest conversation about the false hope of rock bottom and why so many parents unknowingly use it as a way to predict, control, or emotionally prepare for outcomes that are completely out of their hands.

We talk about why rock bottom isn’t a clear turning point, why it’s not something parents can identify or decide for someone else, and how placing your hope there often leads to more disappointment, helplessness, and heartbreak. We also talk about what happens when you stop waiting for someone else to change, and gently turn your focus back to yourself.

This isn’t about giving up hope. It’s about letting go of a belief that quietly keeps parents stuck, and finding a steadier, more sustainable way to get through the uncertainty of parenting a struggling teen or young adult.

In this episode on the false hope of rock bottom, we discuss:

• Why parents cling to the idea of rock bottom when their teen is struggling;
• How rock bottom becomes a false sense of hope and control;
• Why rock bottom is not a fixed point and can always move;
• The emotional cost of waiting for your teen to “finally change”;
• How expectations around rock bottom set parents up for more hurt;
• The difference between reflection and prediction when it comes to personal lows;
• What to focus on when you can’t control your teen’s choices but still need to survive the moment;
• And more.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

Leaving a review

Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.