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God, Are You Real? Why It Matters to Know What We Believe

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself not just what you believe about God, but why you believe it?

That's a question I've spent considerable time thinking about, and it's one of the personal motivations behind writing my newest book, God, Are You Real?

As a Christian, I believe in God. But I've come to recognize that there's an important difference between believing something and understanding why we believe it.

Think about it. Many of our beliefs began forming long before we were old enough to question them. Perhaps you grew up in a Christian home where believing in God was simply part of everyday life. You attended church, listened to Bible stories, and accepted what you were taught. Or perhaps you grew up in a home where faith was rarely discussed, where religion was viewed with skepticism, or where the idea of God seemed unnecessary.

For others, personal experiences have played a significant role. Maybe you've witnessed hypocrisy among people who claimed to be Christians. Perhaps you've experienced suffering, disappointment, or unanswered prayers that caused you to question whether God really exists.

Whatever our experiences, they can have a powerful influence on what we believe today.

But here's the question I believe we should all be willing to ask: Just because we've believed something for much of our lives, does that necessarily make it true?

And the opposite is equally important. Just because we've rejected a belief because of painful experiences, disappointment, or others' actions, does that necessarily make it false?

I believe understanding why we believe what we believe matters because our beliefs influence how we see ourselves, how we understand the world, how we make decisions, and ultimately, how we live our lives.

If our beliefs are important enough to shape the direction of our lives, shouldn't they also be important enough to examine?

That's what personally motivated me to write God, Are You Real?

In this episode of NorthPoint Counseling Perspective, I'll give you a personal preview of my new book, including the questions that inspired me to write it and the fascinating subjects we'll explore, from the beginning of the universe to the historical reliability of the Bible.

Whether you're a Christian, atheist, agnostic, or someone who remains uncertain about God, my invitation is the same:

Be willing to ask questions.

Be willing to examine the evidence.

And be willing to consider whether what you've always believed is supported by good reasons.

I'm not suggesting everyone who asks these questions will reach the same conclusions. Clearly, people have wrestled with the existence of God for centuries and reached very different answers.

But I believe there's tremendous value in understanding not only what we believe, but how we arrived at those beliefs and whether they can stand up to thoughtful examination.

Because when it comes to a question as important as whether God exists, I believe we owe it to ourselves to do more than simply accept—or reject—what we've been told. We owe it to ourselves to understand why.

I'm John Sternfels, author, counselor, and host of NorthPoint Counseling Perspective. Thank you for joining me, and I hope this conversation encourages you to know why you believe what you believe.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

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Is someone in your life a narcissist, or are they simply displaying selfish behaviors? How can you tell the difference?

The term narcissism is used frequently today, but what does it really mean? And how do narcissistic traits affect the people closest to us?

In this episode of NorthPoint Counseling Perspective, John Sternfels, National Board-Certified Counselor, takes a closer look at narcissism, explaining the difference between everyday selfishness, narcissistic traits, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Using everyday language and relatable examples, John explores how narcissism can develop, how it shows up in conversations and conflicts, and why certain behaviors can leave others feeling confused, emotionally exhausted, or questioning their own reality.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• What narcissism is and what it isn't.
• The difference between narcissistic traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
• How childhood experiences and family dynamics may contribute to narcissistic patterns.
• How narcissism can affect communication, empathy, accountability, and emotional intimacy.
• Why recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns is more important than labeling someone.
• When seeking professional guidance may be helpful.

Understanding narcissism isn't about labeling people. It's about recognizing behaviors, understanding their impact, and developing healthier relationships.

Whether you're concerned about someone in your life, struggling in a difficult relationship, or simply wanting to better understand human behavior, this episode offers valuable insights.

Join John Sternfels for another informative episode of NorthPoint Counseling Perspective.

If you find this episode helpful, please share it with someone who may benefit, and consider leaving a review to help others discover the podcast.

Disclaimer: This episode is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

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Empathy is more than simply understanding what your spouse is feeling in a particular moment. Over time, empathy becomes a way of relating—a foundation that can transform how couples communicate, navigate conflict, respond to pain, and experience emotional connection.

In this episode, we discuss how developing empathy can help couples build greater emotional safety, deepen trust, reduce defensiveness, improve communication, and strengthen their ability to remain connected amid life's inevitable challenges. When husbands and wives move beyond simply reacting to one another and genuinely seek to understand each other's thoughts, feelings, and experiences, intimacy can grow.

The long-term benefits of empathy extend far beyond resolving individual conflicts. Empathy can help create a marriage where both partners feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. It provides a pathway toward deeper connection and reminds us that intimacy is not built simply by being physically close—it is cultivated through emotional presence, understanding, and a willingness to enter into the experience of the person we love.

Join us for Part 6 as we conclude Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy and consider how intentionally developing empathy today can strengthen, protect, and enrich your marriage for years to come.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

Send us Fan Mail

Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy – Part 5: Breaking Through the Barriers to Empathetic Communication

In Part 5 of Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy, we explore the common barriers that can prevent couples from truly hearing, understanding, and connecting with one another.

Empathy is more than listening to words. It requires us to set aside our own internal arguments, judgments, defenses, and desire to formulate a response long enough to genuinely understand the emotional experience of the person sitting across from us.

In this episode, we discuss some of the most common obstacles to empathetic communication, including listening simply to prepare a response, allowing distractions to interfere with connection, approaching conversations with preconceived judgments, becoming defensive, and attempting to communicate when emotional fatigue has left us with little capacity to engage.

Healthy relationships require more than simply talking—they require creating emotional safety. When a husband or wife feels genuinely heard and understood, the door to deeper trust, vulnerability, and intimacy begins to open.

Join us as we examine what gets in the way of empathy and discover practical ways to remove those barriers, listen more intentionally, and create the kind of emotional connection every relationship needs.

Because sometimes the greatest gift you can give your spouse is not an answer—it is the experience of truly being heard.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

Send us Fan Mail

Before we continue our journey in Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy, I want to thank you for joining me for this series.

In Part 1, we explored the four different types of empathy. In Part 2, we took a deeper look at emotional empathy and why it is so essential to building emotional connection. In Part 3, we examined how empathy is expressed through our words, our actions, and our willingness to enter into our spouse's emotional world.

Now, in Part 4, we're going to explore one of the greatest challenges to empathy—the barriers that prevent us from truly seeing, hearing, and understanding our spouse. Many couples genuinely want to be empathetic, yet they find themselves becoming defensive, distracted, emotionally flooded, or trapped by past hurts. These obstacles don't just limit communication—they weaken trust, reduce emotional safety, and create distance in the relationship.

In this episode, we'll identify the common barriers that interfere with empathy, explore why they exist, and discuss practical ways to overcome them. My hope is that by recognizing these roadblocks, you'll be better equipped to create the kind of emotional connection that leads to deeper intimacy and lasting change.

So, whether you're listening on your way to work, taking a walk, or simply looking to strengthen your relationship, I'm glad you're here.

Welcome to Part 4 of Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy. Let's get started.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

Send us Fan Mail

Welcome to Part 3 of our series, Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy.

In Part 1, we explored the four different types of empathy and discovered that empathy is far more than simply understanding another person's emotions—it is a skill that can transform the health of a relationship.

In Part 2, we took a deeper dive into emotional empathy, examining how learning to emotionally connect with your spouse creates safety, validation, and a stronger bond. We also discussed how emotional empathy differs from fixing problems or offering advice, and why simply being present with your spouse's emotions can be one of the greatest gifts you can give.

Now, in Part 3, we're moving from understanding empathy to understanding the seven key areas we need to learn well to experience empathy and what gets in the way of it. Even couples who genuinely love one another often struggle to empathize because something is blocking their ability to see, hear, and emotionally connect with each other.

Today we'll explore the most common barriers to empathy—defensiveness, shame, fear, unresolved hurts, assumptions, emotional flooding, and other obstacles that can keep spouses trapped in cycles of misunderstanding and disconnection. More importantly, we'll discuss practical ways to recognize these barriers and begin overcoming them.

If empathy is the bridge to intimacy, then removing these barriers allows that bridge to become strong enough for genuine connection to grow.

I'm glad you're joining me today. Let's dive into Part 3 of Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

Send us Fan Mail

Welcome back to Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy, Part 2.

I'm so glad you've joined me as we continue this important conversation. If you listened to Part 1, you know we began by exploring the four different types of empathy. We discussed how empathy isn't just one skill—it's actually a collection of ways we connect with another person's thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Understanding these four types gives us a roadmap for building stronger, healthier, and more emotionally intimate marriages.

In Part 1, we introduced Cognitive Empathy, Emotional Empathy, Compassionate Empathy, and Behavioral Empathy. While each of these forms of empathy plays an important role in marriage, they are not all expressed in the same way. Each one serves a unique purpose in helping spouses feel understood, valued, and emotionally connected.

Today, we're going to focus exclusively on the second of these four: Emotional Empathy.

I believe emotional empathy is where genuine intimacy often begins. Before couples can effectively solve problems, resolve conflict, or rebuild trust, they must first learn how to emotionally connect with one another. That's because people don't simply want their problems solved—they want to know that their hearts have been seen, their emotions have been understood, and their experiences matter.

Think about your own relationships for a moment. Have you ever shared something deeply personal only to receive advice when you were hoping for understanding? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "They heard my words, but they never really understood what I was feeling?" Most of us have experienced moments like that. And if we're honest, most of us have unintentionally done the same thing to someone we love.

That's why emotional empathy is so powerful.

Emotional empathy is the ability to enter another person's emotional world—not to take it over, not to make it about yourself, and not to rush them toward a solution—but simply to be present with them. It allows your spouse to know they are not facing life's joys, disappointments, fears, or hurts alone. It communicates one of the most powerful messages in any relationship: "I am with you."

For many couples, this doesn't come naturally. We often want to fix, explain, defend, teach, or move on as quickly as possible. Yet those responses, even when motivated by love, can unintentionally communicate that our spouse's emotions are something to be solved rather than something to be understood.

Throughout this episode, we'll explore what emotional empathy truly is—and what it isn't. We'll discuss why it feels so difficult for some people, examine the common barriers that keep couples emotionally disconnected, and identify practical ways you can begin strengthening this skill in your everyday interactions.

As you listen today, I want to encourage you to resist the temptation to think only about your spouse. Instead, ask yourself, "How well do I communicate emotional empathy? When my spouse shares something difficult, do they leave our conversation feeling understood—or simply advised?" Growth in marriage begins when we allow these questions to first challenge our own hearts.

Whether your marriage is thriving, feeling stuck, or recovering from betrayal or broken trust, emotional empathy has the power to create greater emotional safety. And where emotional safety grows, trust deepens. Where trust deepens, vulnerability becomes possible. And where vulnerability and empathy meet, intimacy has room to flourish.

So, thank you for joining me for Part 2 of Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy. Let's take our time, dig beneath the surface, and discover why emotional empathy is one of the greatest gifts you can offer the person you love most.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers

Send us Fan Mail

Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy - Part 1

Understanding the Four Types of Empathy

Welcome to the Podcast on Empathy: The Gateway to Marital Intimacy, a series dedicated to helping couples build deeper connection, stronger trust, and lasting love through one of the most powerful relationship skills ever given to us—empathy.

Most couples believe their greatest challenge is communication. But what if the real issue isn't that we don't communicate enough—it's that we don't truly understand each other? Lasting intimacy isn't built on talking more. It's built on feeling known, understood, accepted, and emotionally safe.

In this first episode of 6, we'll explore the four distinct types of empathy and discover how each one plays a vital role in creating emotional closeness. You'll learn why empathy is much more than simply "putting yourself in your spouse's shoes." It's a deliberate choice to understand your spouse's thoughts, emotions, experiences, and needs—even when they are different from your own.

Together, we'll examine:

• Cognitive Empathy—understanding how your spouse thinks and sees the world.
• Emotional Empathy—connecting with what your spouse is feeling without becoming overwhelmed by those emotions.
• Compassionate Empathy—allowing understanding to move you toward loving, supportive action.
• Behavioral Empathy—communicating empathy through your words, tone, body language, and daily choices so your spouse genuinely feels heard, valued, and understood.

Along the way, we'll discuss why empathy often breaks down in marriage, the barriers that keep couples emotionally disconnected, and practical ways to strengthen this essential skill every day.

Whether your marriage is flourishing, feeling distant, or recovering from deep hurts, empathy has the power to transform the way you relate to one another. When spouses feel understood, walls begin to come down. Defensiveness gives way to curiosity. Conflict becomes an opportunity for connection. Trust grows, emotional safety deepens, and intimacy begins to flourish.

Join me as we discover why empathy isn't simply another communication technique—it's the bridge that connects two hearts. Because when husbands and wives learn to truly understand one another, they create the kind of marriage where both people can be fully known, fully accepted, and deeply loved.

John Sternfels, LPC, NCC, CSAT, CMAT, CCPS, C-SASI
Owner/Clinical Director of NorthPoint Professional Counseling
Counselor and Author

Books Available:

• A Partner's Guide To Truth & Healing
• Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal
• DOWNLOAD for Parents: Sex, Social Media, and Secrets
• SEX: Secular, Relativistic-Cultural, or Biblical? Sex Across Perspectives
• Healthy Parenting: Preparing the Next Generation
• God, Are You Real? The Creation of the Universe
• Truth On Trial - The Court of Public Opinion
• Living Beyond the Noise: Finding Clarity in a World That Won't Be Quiet (late 2026)

Available at all major book retailers