In this episode of In Real Life: Foster Care Unfiltered, guest Kate, a former juvenile court attorney, shares her journey as a foster and adoptive mother of six. She discusses the challenges and rewards of transracial adoption, the importance of openness and communication, and the realities of parenting children with trauma. Kate also highlights the value of support networks and introduces her children’s books designed to help foster kids understand their experiences. Her candid insights offer guidance and encouragement to current and prospective foster families.

“We feel very strongly that if you're going to adopt transracial, you need to make sure you live in a diverse community. That your religious home is diverse, that your friends are diverse.” — Kate

What You Will Learn:

• Personal and professional journey into foster care and adoption
• Family dynamics involving biological, adopted, and foster children
• Experiences with transracial adoption and its challenges
• Importance of openness in adoption and maintaining connections with birth families
• Navigating identity and relationships within a transracial family
• The impact of trauma on children and parenting strategies
• The significance of sibling relationships and support in blended families
• Resources created to assist children in foster care with understanding their experiences
• Emotional complexities of fostering, including the bittersweet nature of reunification
• The necessity of community and support systems for foster parents

Timestamps:

• Podcast Introduction (00:00:00)
• Meet Kate: Professional Background & Family Overview (00:00:27)
• Adoption and Early Parenting Experiences (00:01:20)
• Transition to Fostering (00:02:22)
• Parenting as an Older Parent: Pros and Cons (00:03:36)
• Surprises in Parenting, Adoption, and Bonding (00:05:22)
• Sibling Dynamics and Family Evolution (00:07:35)
• Transracial Adoption: Family Makeup & Community (00:10:01)
• Parenting Transracially: Community, Racism, and Support (00:11:02)
• Handling Public Comments and Teaching Kids to Respond (00:16:14)
• Children’s Perspectives on Adoption and Openness (00:20:01)
• Open Adoption and Maintaining Birth Family Relationships (00:22:04)
• Navigating Emotions in Open Adoption (00:23:24)
• Family Communication and Openness (00:26:05)
• Fostering Sibling Bonds and Family Unity (00:27:21)
• Managing Trauma and Parenting Foster Children (00:30:46)
• Apologizing and Repair in Parenting (00:34:04)
• Kate’s Children’s Books for Foster and Adopted Kids (00:36:15)
• Advice for Prospective Foster Parents (00:40:27)
• Episode Wrap-Up and Resources (00:42:27)

Learn more about Kate’s Children’s Books for Foster and Adopted Kids through her website.

Episode Resources:

• Catch up on previous episodes of In Real Life: Foster Care Unfiltered here: https://chsnc.org/about/podcast/
• For more information about Children’s Home Society of North Carolina, visit: chsnc.org
• To be a guest on the podcast, email: inreallifepodcast@chsnc.org
• To learn more about foster care, visit: https://chsnc.org/adoption-and-foster-care/get-started/
• Let’s be friends! Follow us on social media:
  • Facebook: @chsnorthcarolina
  • Instagram: @chs_nc
  • LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/chs-nc
  • YouTube: @chsnc

In this episode of "In Real Life Foster Care Unfiltered," Lauren and Joe, high school sweethearts from Connecticut, share their four-year journey as foster and adoptive parents. They discuss their motivations, the challenges of navigating agency support, relationships with biological families, and the impact on their own daughter. The couple highlights the importance of community, advocacy, and self-care, offering candid insights into the realities of fostering. Their story emphasizes the rewards of providing stability and love to children in need, and offers practical advice for those considering foster care or adoption.

“We have so much love to give. Why not give it to the others that need it?” —Joe

What You Will Learn:

• Experiences and challenges of foster care and adoption
• Motivations for fostering and the desire to help children in need
• Importance of choosing the right agency and support systems
• Navigating relationships with biological families and shared parenting dynamics
• The transition from respite care to long-term placements
• Managing the emotional and behavioral needs of foster children
• The significance of consistency, structure, and boundaries in foster parenting
• The impact of fostering on biological children and family dynamics
• Advocacy for foster children's needs in educational and medical settings
• The importance of self-care and community support for foster parents

Timestamps:

• Introduction to the Podcast (00:00)
• Meet Lauren and Joe: Their Background and Motivation (00:54)
• Starting the Foster Care Journey (02:04)
• First Experiences: Respite Placements and COVID-19 (04:01)
• Transition to Long-Term Placements and Adoption (05:28)
• Learning Curves: Developmental Differences and Trauma (07:02)
• Adjusting to Older Children and Sibling Dynamics (08:35)
• Shared Parenting and Relationships with Biological Families (12:44)
• Patience and Navigating the System (13:42)
• Paperwork and Administrative Challenges (15:59)
• Support Systems: Family, Community, and Agencies (18:26)
• Motivations and Reflections on Helping Children (21:03)
• Agency Support and Community Resources (23:15)
• Shared Parenting: Highs, Lows, and Best Practices (24:14)
• Advocacy and Standing Up for Foster Children (30:17)
• Consistency, Boundaries, and Parenting Approaches (33:05)
• Blended Family and Maintaining Connections (35:11)
• Taking Breaks and Self-Care (36:41)
• Most Rewarding Moments and Reflections (37:29)
• Advice for Prospective Foster Parents (42:45)
• Knowing Your Limits and Setting Expectations (44:02)
• Building Your Village and Navigating Foster Care Terminology (48:07)
• Closing and Final Thoughts (48:44) Final thanks, encouragement, and information for listeners interested in foster care.

Episode Resources:

• Catch up on previous episodes of In Real Life: Foster Care Unfiltered here: https://chsnc.org/about/podcast/
• For more information about Children’s Home Society of North Carolina, visit: chsnc.org
• To be a guest on the podcast, email: inreallifepodcast@chsnc.org
• To learn more about foster care, visit: https://chsnc.org/adoption-and-foster-care/get-started/
• Let’s be friends! Follow us on social media:
  • Facebook: @chsnorthcarolina
  • Instagram: @chs_nc
  • LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/chs-nc
  • YouTube: @chsnc

What does it really mean to raise children who don’t look like you? In this honest episode, host Shannon talks with foster and adoptive parents Ashley, Jeff, and Tori about the realities of transracial foster care and adoption — the joy, challenges, microaggressions, and responsibility of parenting across racial lines.

The families share how race became part of their foster care journey, the growth and advocacy required, and the hard conversations many parents aren’t prepared for. From public scrutiny and intrusive questions to hair care, school bias, safety concerns, and the myth of being “colorblind,” this episode gives voice to what transracial foster and adoptive parents often experience but rarely hear said out loud.

“When we were adopting our son, a social worker asked us, ‘Are you ready to raise this boy as a Black man?’ At the time, my white wife and I thought that was the dumbest question ever. We thought, ‘Why would you say that? Why not just raise him as a man?’ That was the mindset I had been surrounded by my entire life. And I don’t believe that anymore. I don’t believe that was a stupid question.” -Jeff

What You Will Learn:

• Why love alone isn’t enough in transracial foster care and adoption
• What parents wish they had known before saying yes
• How microaggressions show up in everyday life and how kids absorb them
• The emotional weight of advocating for your child in public spaces and school
• Why representation, community, and cultural humility matter
• How to prepare your child for conversations about race and identity
• The difference between good intentions and informed parenting

Timestamps:

00:00 – Transracial foster care overview
00:27 – Guests introduction
01:18 – Transracial family makeup
04:19 – Choosing transracial foster care
14:21 – Preparing for transracial parenting
19:32 – Challenges in transracial foster care
29:26 – Microaggressions & public reactions
34:31 – Microaggressions explained
40:15 – Encouraging community moment
43:33 – Resources for transracial families
53:26 – Advice for foster parents
01:02:38 – Final thoughts on foster care
01:03:10 – Podcast outro

Episode Resources:

• Catch up on previous episodes of In Real Life: Foster Care Unfiltered here: https://chsnc.org/about/podcast/
• For more information about Children’s Home Society of North Carolina, visit: chsnc.org
• To be a guest on the podcast, email: inreallifepodcast@chsnc.org
• To learn more about foster care, visit: https://chsnc.org/adoption-and-foster-care/get-started/
• Let’s be friends! Follow us on social media:
  • Facebook: @chsnorthcarolina
  • Instagram: @chs_nc
  • LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/chs-nc
  • YouTube: @chsnc