Welcome to Top or Bottom? — the podcast where awkward gay dating app messages are read aloud over elevator music, emotionally dissected, and judged by someone with too much insight and not enough patience.

In this pilot episode, we investigate the deeply unsettling phrase “Hey handsome”. And honey, it's a message so vague it could mean interest, boredom, or a cry for help. We read unhinged openers, faceless profiles, double texts by bodies of water (🚩), and other digital red flags submitted by the community.

Along the way, we cover:

• Why “hey” is a full personality
• Why gay men hate effort (but love attention)
• Celebrity bulges (this is journalism)
• Why Netflix is the real villain
• And the eternal question: would I respond, or would I spiritually log out?

Every message ends with a verdict.
Every verdict is final.
And every man is either a Top, a Bottom, or in desperate need of journaling and one good nap.

Put your phone down.
Put your defenses up.
Let’s begin.

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Please feel free to send reviews (positive or negative), along with other stories or awkward gay encounters that you would like me to read on the Pod to toporbottompodcast@gmail.com

(Yes, straights are allowed to share stories too. I love all of you!)