Today I went to a virtual workshop held by the Serenity House of Leesburg. It was called “Surfing the Wave: How to manage urges and strong emotions in recovery.” I focused on my emotional urges. The workshop helped me see that some of my old alcoholic thinking still lingers in subtle ways. When I hear about tragedy, I tend to sink into sadness and imagine the person’s suffering as if it were my own. I used to think that was empathy, but it’s really a form of isolation that feeds my depression. The trainer said something that stuck with me about how isolation reinforces my sadness. When I don’t talk about how I feel, I’m telling myself that what I feel is correct and doesn’t need to change. Recognizing that is the first step toward change. And nothing is going to change between my ears unless I change it.

What I learned is that emotional triggers can become training opportunities if I let them. Naming what I feel releases it instead of letting it bounce back and forth in my head like a ping pong ball. Talking, visualizing, or stepping outside gives the pain somewhere to go. I don’t need to relive someone else’s pain to honor their story. As much as I know that intellectually, emotionally I have to work at it.

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