This current journey of event planning and attempting to dive back into being a community builder...has had me honestly in a lot of muh feelins...about some things I'm still healin from...But I think I am doing a better job...at processing it all in ways...that don't weigh me down as much as they lift me up...and don't leave me angry at the end of a TrainingDay...as much as it leaves me inspired...fulfilled...and unbothered...because I deserve a good night, too...without it always having to end with me fuckin you...or letting you fuck me...whether or not I want it really...because the goal isn't to call people out specifically...but to be able to speak about the shit they did...they do...they say...and the things they think...I don't know they think...so I can release it for me...to be free from their toxicity...whether they are conscious of it or not is none of my concern...cause if I wait on them to hold themselves accountable...life has shown me that I will never ever be free...So we're getting better at being what we need for ourselves...to be able to let it go into the ethers...in a way that can allow us to let go of the weight of the shame of it...and maybe help someone else get free in the process...

...Because...contrary to what they tried to always make you believe...there are others who share similar stories as you actually...You've just been trained all your life...to be too ashamed to be yourself out loud enough to find them...

...Because the last time we did this...we let someone get too close...and we got raped...and they called us Stupid...

...No...he called us Stupid...and we are a different animal now.

ASMR comes to you by Late July's sweet potato tortilla chips making my tummy happy in the wee hours of the night...as I wait for insomnia to release me so I can eventually go to sleep...right before the sun comes up...because that when our best revelations come to us...when the world is silent enough for us to hear ourselves think...

I've gone back and forth about sharing stuff like this...But I am getting tired of wearing the burden of holding all the shit in...and I'm trying to be free and learn how to release it...So if it's too much...don't listen...But I need to be free...The shit is all too heavy...And I deserve to let go of the things that I never caused and never wanted.