Puckboys

When it comes to hockey, I'm all about the game. I've worked for years to be one of the best in the league, and l've done it without splashing my orientation all over the tabloids. My hockey image is one I've carefully cultivated, and after one night with Ezra Palaszczuk, I risk it all. He's cocky, obnoxious, and has an ego bigger than Massachusetts. And okay, maybe he's the sexiest man I've ever known. We'll never get along. Not when we sleep together. Not even when my possessive streak awakens. That doesn't stop us from falling into bed together over and over again.

The worst part of being in love with my straight best friend is the fact he’s too oblivious to see it. Years of pining have left me exhausted, and I need a break from Dex. I need space to get over my feelings. But when his relationship falls apart and he turns to me for comfort, I cave immediately. If there’s one thing I hate more than being hurt, it’s seeing Dex struggle. I can’t leave him in a time of need, even if my friends say it’s my biggest downfall. They say Dexter Mitchale is my weakness, but if that’s true, I don’t want to be strong.

After a little mishap in an alleyway with CCTV, my public image needs fixing. Oops? It might have been a stunt to get the attention of Lane Pierce, San Jose’s new PR manager, but I didn’t realize what the consequences would be when I did it. I’ve got Lane’s sole focus now in all the wrong ways.

After my divorce, I’m ready to have fun, date around, and not get into anything serious. Then I meet Gabe Crosby, superhero firefighter and a disgrace to the Crosby name. He doesn’t even like hockey! Yet, there’s a draw to him I can’t deny—something I haven’t felt since my teens. But that’s the problem. I have no idea what dating is like, let alone how to do it with another man. He makes me flakey and nervous, and I’ve never been that guy.

Straining my groin is bad enough. It puts my hockey career, my future, but even worse, my dignity on the line. Having to get massages in that area from Vance Landon, one of the team trainers, is mortifying. It’s impossible to hide my feelings toward him. If my constant blushing and bumbling doesn’t give it away, my body does. It’s getting to the point where I wonder if hockey is even worth the embarrassment. Trying to avoid him only makes him seek me out more. He’s determined to rehab my injury, but all I want is for him to leave me alone.

The idea of moving away from Seattle was a joke at first. I have too many failed relationships here. Too much baggage. So when I find myself signing with Nashville and leaving everything behind, I’m hopeful a new start will cure me of my attachment problems. I fall fast and hard, and I’m quickly realizing it’s not so easy to escape my emotional damage. That follows no matter where I go.

You know what’s the worst feeling in the world? Being in love with someone since you were twelve years old, knowing they only see you as a little brother type. Not even becoming an NHL star has made him realize I’m all grown up now. All of that changes when I ask my brother’s best friend to ref a charity match and we spend an entire week in each other’s pocket. Being close to him is torture, but for the first time since my adolescent crush started, I begin to feel hope.

Finding out those closest to me don’t see me as the great guy I think I am not only kicks me in the gut, it makes me question everything. Until that happened, I didn’t think I had many regrets in my life. Now, I have nothing but regrets. And when my NHL team is bought out, and the new owner makes his presence known, my existential crisis kicks up a notch. Because he might be my biggest regret of all. Parker Duchene. I made his life a living hell in high school, and now he’s inserting himself into my career to repay the favor.

Once upon a time, playing for the NHL was my dream. Then Radimir Novicov skated circles around me and made it clear I’d never be good enough. He was smart, talented, and worst of all–sexy. Every closeted guy knows that you don’t hit on your teammate, even if his gaze lingers longer than it should. All it took was one drunken close call before our friendship was in tatters, he was called up to the NHL, and I was sent for further conditioning. Playing in the NHL was off the table, so coaching became my new dream. And seventeen years later, I’m finally heading to the big time.