Someone needs to tell you if your house smells like cat pee. The before and after marital travel advisory. Instructions for what we want people to say about us after we are dead.

The Quinceañera, the Sweet Sixteen, the Cotillion, and how to be disturbed by all of them. A bad (in Turi's opinion) bad play. Let's sit in a room and eat salty snacks. The mountain high potato chip ripoff. The class chicken and the miniature donkey: two cautionary tales. France is not America.

Marci adds new pets, drugs for one dog, and pheromone collars for everyone. If YOU wore a pheromone collar… When you TRY to relax. Yoga is not for everyone.

Crisp air, crisp new parking tickets. Fall rolls in, and the neighbors roll out the yard decor. Does everything match? No? Good.

We remember the late Art Bell, purveyor of paranoia and conspiracy theories which haunt us to this day. How, excactly, is A/I going to kill us? The incels and why they don't get what they think they deserve. The wedding at the courhouse comes with another tattoo…maybe.

Marci is looking for safety as Arizona burns, and she may need to pick up a couple of hundred cats. There are the realistically phobic people, and the nut jobs and paranoics. You can find out who is who on social media.Turi is cautioned never to watch Game of Thrones. Fireworks in a hazard zone. Pickpocketing—a national sport. Fear of mascots.

Marci's personal "Burning Man" is causing her to reevaluate mountain living. What you can watch with a TV antenna. Turi's long, garlicky, painful busride: lessons learned.

"BCE"—before cellphones existed. Nice people make Turi look bad. When your spouse manipulates to make you manipulative. The non-shocking shock collar. The eternal conversation between mothers of kids behaving badly. When you are still punk. The unexpected sea chanty.