In this episode of the The Redeemed Marriage Podcast, we talk about a season many couples don’t expect—and few are prepared for—the frustration stage of healing after betrayal.

After confession, when the shock has worn off and the hard work has begun, couples often find themselves stuck. The repentant spouse may be doing “all the right things,” while the betrayed spouse still doesn’t feel safe. Change is happening—but safety hasn’t caught up yet.

We unpack an important distinction: behavior change matters, but safety is what heals. Early growth can actually feel unsettling, even threatening, when trust has been broken. That tension leaves both spouses exhausted—the repentant spouse wondering how long they’ll have to keep paying for the past, and the betrayed spouse fearing the pain may never fully go away.

Instead of living in score-keeping or defensiveness, we talk about what it looks like to move toward humble consistency, patience, and reassurance—and why healing cannot be forced or rushed.

Ultimately, real restoration doesn’t come from fixing each other. It comes when both spouses stop looking to their marriage for completion and allow God to be their source.

If your marriage feels stuck in the messy middle—where survival is happening but joy feels far away—this episode is for you. Healing is possible. Safety can be rebuilt. And God still writes miracles in places that feel beyond repair.

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Retreats

Marriage Intensives

As the new year begins, Rusty and Heather invite listeners into a conversation about goals, growth, and the role personal responsibility plays in a thriving marriage. In this first episode of the year, they do something they’ve never done publicly before—share their individual goals for 2026 with each other in real time.

Rather than focusing on fixing a spouse or creating rigid, legalistic resolutions, this conversation reframes what intentionality really looks like. Rusty and Heather reflect on how their approach to annual goals has evolved over the years, moving away from pressure and performance and toward clarity, grace, and purposeful direction. They unpack why personal growth is not selfish in marriage, but essential.

Using Luke 2:52 as a guiding framework, they explain how Jesus’ growth in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and others continues to shape how they think about goal-setting today. Along the way, they share the books they plan to read in the coming year, offer insight into what’s ahead for The Redeemed Marriage, and encourage listeners to pursue growth with intention.

This episode is an invitation to start the year differently—to stop trying to change your spouse, take ownership of your own growth, and discover how personal transformation can lead to deeper connection, freedom, and renewal in marriage in the year ahead.

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Retreat Information

What does real healing look like after betrayal—and who walks with you when the shock wears off and the long road begins?

In this episode of The Redeemed Marriage Podcast, Rusty and Heather sit down with Pennye Dees, the woman who stepped into Heather’s life just days after her confession of infidelity. Pennye shares her story, her calling, and why she believes deeply in walking with people patiently, faithfully, and over the long haul.

The conversation explores the earliest days after betrayal, what mattered most spiritually and emotionally, and why true healing requires more than quick fixes. Pennye offers wisdom for betraying spouses who want to do the right thing but feel overwhelmed, as well as for betrayed spouses who are trying to discern whether real heart change is taking place.

Listeners will gain clarity around questions many couples quietly wrestle with: What does true repentance look like beyond words? How can someone tell if a heart is genuinely turning toward Jesus rather than simply seeking relief from consequences? What signs point to lasting transformation instead of temporary behavior change?

The episode also casts vision for the often-overlooked gift of mentoring. Pennye explains why mentors are so critical during seasons of crisis and healing, what they provide that even well-meaning friends or pastors may not, and how to begin seeking that kind of support.

For couples in crisis, in recovery, or simply longing for deeper discipleship and accountability, this episode offers hope, wisdom, and a clear reminder that healing was never meant to be done alone.

In this lighthearted and completely unscripted Christmas episode, Rusty and Heather shake things up with a game that was not planned and definitely not rehearsed. Heather presses play on a Christmas song and without warning, Rusty races to guess the title, and then—on the spot—has to turn that song into real, practical marriage advice. No notes. No preparation. Just quick thinking, honest insight, and a lot of laughter.

What unfolds is a mix of singing, playful pressure, and surprisingly meaningful moments as familiar Christmas songs spark unexpected conversations about love, connection, and what really matters in marriage. The advice isn’t polished or prepackaged—it’s raw, spontaneous, and rooted in real life.

This episode is a reminder that marriage growth doesn’t always have to be heavy to be helpful. Sometimes the best wisdom shows up when guards are down, expectations are low, and joy leads the way. If you’re looking for encouragement, laughs, and a fresh way to think about your marriage during the Christmas season, this one delivers.

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The Christmas season is full—but marriage still matters.

In this episode, Rusty and Heather take a lighter turn and talk about the importance of intentional fun, laughter, and making memories with your spouse, especially during the busy holiday season. When life feels full, connection doesn’t happen by accident—and sometimes the best thing a marriage needs is simply time to enjoy each other again.

They share why creating space for fun dates and shared experiences can strengthen a relationship and highlight their 12 Dates of Christmas resource—simple, meaningful date ideas designed to help couples be intentional and reconnect during the season.

They also introduce a playful resource called Missed Call From Santa, a fun way to surprise a spouse or children with a personalized message that brings laughter and joy into the home.

For couples feeling stretched thin this Christmas, this episode is an invitation to slow down, be intentional, and choose connection—one date, one laugh, and one memory at a time.

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Missed Call From Santa

In this deeply vulnerable Christmas episode, Rusty and Heather revisit their first holiday season after the affair—only four months into the most painful chapter of their marriage. While Christmas is often portrayed as magical, peaceful, and sentimental, their reality was filled with fear, shame, awkward family gatherings, and the heavy tension of trying to celebrate while still grieving what had been lost. They share what it felt like to navigate meaningful holiday moments while carrying heartbreak, and how the pressure to “hold it together for the kids” made everything even more complicated.

Yet woven through the pain is a powerful story of Emmanuel—God with us—showing up in the middle of their brokenness. Rusty and Heather describe how God began the earliest stages of healing during a season that should have felt unbearable, proving that the miracle of Jesus entering a messy world still heals marriages today. They offer encouragement for couples who are simply trying to survive the holidays, reminding listeners that they don’t have to pretend, they don’t have to hide, and they don’t have to wait for the new year to see God move. Hope, healing, and restoration can begin right in the middle of the Christmas season.

For more resources or to take a next step toward healing, visit The Redeemed Marriage website: Click HERE

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In this follow-up conversation, Rusty and Heather continue their discussion with certified sex therapist Debby Wade as they discuss the real questions couples face when rebuilding intimacy after betrayal. Debby offers clear, compassionate guidance on navigating triggers, creating emotional safety, supporting one another in the healing process, and learning to reconnect without pressure or fear. Her insight helps couples understand what healthy intimacy looks like as trust is restored and hope begins to rise again.

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Visit Debby Wade's Website

In this episode, Rusty and Heather welcome certified therapist Debby Wade for an honest and hope-filled conversation about rebuilding intimacy after betrayal. Debby offers wisdom on the questions couples often struggle to voice—navigating triggers, intrusive thoughts, emotional safety, and the slow process of reconnecting after trust has been broken. Her compassionate insight gives couples practical steps for healing and a clearer understanding of how intimacy can be restored in a healthy, honoring way.

The Redeemed Marriage Website

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Debby Wade's Website