In today’s conversation, we tackle the question of whether one should stay or leave the relationship after having been betrayed. We look at a lot of fascinating statistics that could perhaps help one make an informed decision. We also look at some definite red flags that indicate that the relationship is over which would hopefully help men not fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy but rather leave with most of their self-respect in tact.

References:   / 5-reason-men-wont-forgive-a-cheating-wife-...   https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/fea... https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti... https://torronelaw.com/what-percentag...

In today’s conversation we talk about remorse and why it is such an important element in the healing process. We also talk about the low probability of the unfaithful partner showing remorse and explore why that might be the case. It’s going be a tough one so strap in... we’ve got work to do.

We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please consider subscribing so we can help more guys navigate their way through infidelity trauma. Visit www.phoenixinfidelity.com for more info.

References:

The impact of group membership and remorse on preschoolers’ forgiveness (Vaish, A., & Oostenbroek, J., 2022) https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-9...

How showing remorse can save your relationships (Amrisha Vaish, 2020)    • How showing remorse can save your rel...  

https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-H...

https://link.springer.com/article/10.

Today’s conversation is all about one’s support system during the storm of infidelity. We explore the topic of who one can to talk to and who one would rather avoid when it comes to sharing your side of the story. We also touch on how to choose a counsellor and whether one should involve the kids in these discussions.

We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please consider subscribing so we can help more guys navigate their way through infidelity trauma.

Visit www.phoenixinfidelity.com for more info

References: https://psychcentral.com/blog/infidel... https://www.butchlosey.com/post/2018/... https://www.drpsychmom.com/2021/12/27... https://thegritandgraceproject.org/re...

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In this conversation we discuss strategies on how to deal with the feelings of anger and revenge felt towards the affair partner. We talk about whether confrontation is a good idea and how to let go of the perceived injustice of betrayal. We also talk about the inevitable negative effects that anger has on ones health and hopefully manage to motivate ourselves to begin releasing the people that have hurt us, however difficult that might be. You will hear me tear up a bit in this conversation which is just evidence that it takes time to heal from such deep wounds of betrayal. We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please support us by subscribing at www.phoenixinfidelity.com

References:

Study 1 – Immune System Health: Kiecolt-Glaser et al. (2002): This review article discusses the relationship between emotions, particularly stress-induced negative emotions like anger, and their impact on health. It explores the field of psychoneuroimmunology and highlights how emotions can influence immune function, morbidity, and mortality. -https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11752...

Study 2 – Heart Disease: JE Williams et al (2000): This study, conducted as part of the Atherosclerosis Risk in Communities (ARIC) study, examined the association between anger proneness and the risk of coronary heart disease. The findings showed that individuals with higher levels of anger proneness had an increased risk of developing coronary heart disease over time. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10790...

Study 3 – Taking revenge Escalation of conflict: Studies consistently show that seeking revenge tends to escalate the conflict and perpetuate a cycle of retaliation. Research by McCullough, Bellah, Kilpatrick, and Johnson (2001) found that retaliatory aggression often leads to increased hostility and further negative consequences.

Here are a few more references to studies that explore the negative effects of anger on the body

1. Smith, T. W., Glazer, K., Ruiz, J. M., & Gallo, L. C. (2004). Hostility, anger, aggressiveness, and coronary heart disease: An interpersonal perspective on personality, emotion, and health. Journal of Personality, 72(6), 1217-1270. This study reviews the literature on ang

In this conversation we talk about this term “Limerence” and how the unfaithful partner’s experience of romantic love probably shares similarities with addiction based on Dr. Helen Fisher’s studies. We also talk about flirting with other people while in a committed relationship and where to draw the line when we find other people attractive. We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please support us by subscribing at www.phoenixinfidelity.com

References: A few scientific studies conducted to understand the neurobiological processes associated with romantic love.

1. "The Neural Basis of Romantic Love" by Fisher et al. (2002): This study used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to investigate brain activity in individuals who reported being intensely in love. The researchers found activation in several brain regions, including the caudate nucleus and ventral tegmental area, which are associated with reward, motivation, and pleasure.

2. "Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated With Rejection in Love" by Aron et al. (2005): This study used fMRI to examine brain activity in participants who had recently experienced a romantic rejection. The findings suggested that regions associated with reward and motivation, such as the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex, were activated during the experience of rejection.

3. "The Brain in Love: Erotic Stimulus Activates Reward System in the Human Brain" by Ortigue et al. (2007): In this study, researchers used fMRI to investigate brain activation in response to erotic stimuli. The findings revealed increased activity in brain regions associated with reward and pleasure, including the insula, orbitofrontal cortex, and striatum.

4. "Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction?" by Zeki (2007): Zeki's study utilized fMRI to examine brain activity in individuals who reported being deeply in love. The results suggested that the experience of romantic love shares similarities with addiction, as brain regions associated with reward, motivation, and cravings, such as the caudate nucleus and insula, were activated.

5. Fisher, H. E., Xu, X., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2016): This study explores the idea of intense, passionate romantic love as a natural addiction. The researchers draw parallels between the brain mechanisms involved in romantic love and those associated with substance abuse, suggesting that certain aspects of romantic love can resemble addictive behaviors.

In this conversation I introduce a useful analogy that might help us to understand why we need not take on the blame yet at the same time take responsibility in order to move forward. I also share experiences from the book ‘The Phoenix The Shooter and The Snake, that outline the most important contributors that I believe led to unhappiness in my previous relationship.

As a side note to those listening and have not yet stepped over the edge into the abyss of broken trust, all of these contributors could have been solved with good counselling if it hadn’t been for the bomb of infidelity that destroyed any change of re-cultivating our love for one another.

We also briefly touch on how some personalities are possibly more prone to infidelity based on the big five scale.

We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please support us by subscribing at www.phoenixinfidelity.com

In this conversation we talk about the strong predictors of infidelity according to John Gottman. We also discuss how long it normally takes for a woman to become discontent to the point that she considers being unfaithful to her partner We touch on the common dynamic in a relationship where men seem to be the less agreeable and women seem to be more sensitive to negative emotion. Finally we try to answer the question of whether a woman would cheat in a perfect world where men never make mistakes.

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Today I’m speaking to a phoenix. This is yet another man that has walked the hero’s journey through the storm of infidelity and not only survived but became a warrior in his own right. We’ve decided to keep our brother anonymous for various reasons but it is obvious to everyone that one would like to protect the identity of loved ones involved.

You will notice that the audio is not perfect but we sometimes have to compromise when doing these types of discrete interviews. You will also notice that my voice is a bit more croaky than usual because I’m dealing with a bit of a cold as we speak.

In this extremely enlightening conversation we talk about his journey and how he dealt with the betrayal, the affair partner and all the negative emotions surrounding infidelity trauma. We talk about regaining trust and strategies on how to take back the control that is lost when one is betrayed.

We hope you enjoy this content and if you do please consider subscribing so we can help more guys navigate their way through infidelity trauma.

Visit www.phoenixinfidelity.com for more info.