I am so grateful to have a secure relationship with my husband, but it wasn’t always that way. Earlier in our relationship, I was terrified of being left by him, and I built myself an armor of hyper independence and dishonesty. I pretended to be ways I wasn’t to stay safe and “belong” with him. This lack of safety and insecurity in our relationship, I eventually realized, existed because I wasn’t safe with myself, and it wasn’t until I learned to create that safety with me that I could start to create safety in our relationship. When I did learn to become secure in myself, I was able to see more clearly what needed to change in our marriage, and I had the strength to ask for that change. In this episode, I talk about how I learned to create security with myself and how from there, I began creating security in my marriage and all my relationships. For those of you who are, like I was, feeling stuck in a painful relationship, I hope this episode will give you some clues into your own process of creating security in yourself first and in your relationships second. I can’t wait for you to listen, and I’d love to hear your thoughts when you do.

Find Sara here:
https://sarafisk.coach
https://www.instagram.com/sarafiskcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching/
https://www.youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333
https://www.tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach
What happens inside the free Stop People Pleasing Facebook Community? Our goal is to provide help and guidance on your journey to eliminate people pleasing and perfectionism from your life. We heal best in a safe community where we can grow and learn together and celebrate and encourage each other. This group is for posting questions about or experiences with material learned in The Ex-Good Girl podcast, Sara Fisk Coaching social media posts or the free webinars and trainings provided by Sara Fisk Coaching. See you inside!

I’m incredibly thankful for Ashmae Hoiland for creating such an engaging conversation this week. Ashmae is a talented writer, painter, and maker.

Ashmae’s upcoming essay collection, Letters to a Leaving Mormon, will be released on November 1, 2024. Ahead of its release, we wanted to speak about how writing- one of the most ancient practices of humankind- helps us to better know and understand ourselves.

Because of all of the programming we get through school and what constitutes “good“ writing, many of us are hesitant to write. We often believe that we have to write in a manner that will please someone when they read it, or share stories that are inspiring or happy. Writing can feel perforative and hard, especially when we are doing it for someone else. Writing doesn’t have to be that. Writing can be an exploration of dark places, confusion, loose ends- it doesn’t have to be pretty. You don’t need to tell a story for posterity — you need to tell it for yourself.

I’m very excited for you to listen.

Find AshMae here:
https://www.Ashmae.com
https://www.instagram.com/birdsofashmae

Find Sara here:
https://sarafisk.coach
https://www.instagram.com/sarafiskcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching/
https://www.youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333
https://www.tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach
What happens inside the free Stop People Pleasing Facebook Community? Our goal is to provide help and guidance on your journey to eliminate people pleasing and perfectionism from your life. We heal best in a safe community where we can grow and learn together and celebrate and encourage each other. This group is for posting questions about or experiences with material learned in The Ex-Good Girl podcast, Sara Fisk Coaching social media posts or the free webinars and trainings provided by Sara Fisk Coaching. See you inside!

We have this idea that acceptance means approval, that if we accept when something goes wrong—when a boundary is crossed, when someone disappoints us, when we get rejected—we’re saying it’s okay. When this is how we define acceptance, we avoid it; and when we avoid acceptance, we reject reality. We avoid processing our unmet expectations; we avoid the grief that comes with unmet expectations; and ultimately, we keep ourselves stuck ruminating on what should have been. When we don’t accept what is, we use up all our energy thinking about the reality we can’t control until there’s no brain space left to think about the reality we can control. We tend to fear that accepting the reality of a situation means accepting our powerlessness to it, but when we think about it differently, acceptance actually becomes the thing that gives us our power back. That’s why I want to share my new definition of acceptance with you. I hope this will help you reclaim your power when unmet expectations leave you feeling powerless. Can’t wait for you to listen!

Find Sara here:
https://sarafisk.coach
https://www.instagram.com/sarafiskcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching/
https://www.youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333
https://www.tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach
What happens inside the free Stop People Pleasing Facebook Community? Our goal is to provide help and guidance on your journey to eliminate people pleasing and perfectionism from your life. We heal best in a safe community where we can grow and learn together and celebrate and encourage each other. This group is for posting questions about or experiences with material learned in The Ex-Good Girl podcast, Sara Fisk Coaching social media posts or the free webinars and trainings provided by Sara Fisk Coaching. See you inside!