Codependency, people-pleasing, and losing yourself in love — how to break the cycle and build real intimacy.

_____

Support the pod: PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypod MERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com

Psychic Source:

Go to our sponsor https://trypsychicsource.com/sht10 and use our code sht10 to try up to 40 minutes with an advisor for just $19.80. That is up to a $240 value!

BetterHelp:

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored

If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/

Southern New Hampshire University:

Go to snhu.edu/sht to explore over 200 degree programs and find your path forward. #sponsored

______

Why do we lose ourselves in relationships, chase validation, and confuse caretaking with love?

This week we sit down with Ken to unpack the reality of codependency — from people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and attachment anxiety to the addiction of needing validation from partners. We talk CoDA meetings, self-worth, intimacy avoidance, honesty in relationships, and the uncomfortable process of learning boundaries without losing compassion.

If you’ve ever felt responsible for fixing your partner, struggled to express needs, or stayed in unhealthy dynamics out of fear of abandonment, this episode will hit hard.

We also get into: • why codependent people struggle with identity • the difference between love and emotional dependency • learning to stop controlling outcomes and tolerate discomfort • how honesty builds real intimacy (even when it’s terrifying) • breaking the cycle of choosing “projects” instead of partners

This is a vulnerable, funny, and deeply honest conversation about recovery, relationships, and learning to finally choose yourself.

BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.com Follow us here: http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypod http://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod

Contact us: secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com 818-850-2448 PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105 Cover Art Design: Louie Paoletti Theme Music: Jamie Franks

Exploring dry drunk behavior, earned love, and why misery can feel safer than happiness.

Psychic Source:

Go to our sponsor https://trypsychicsource.com/sht10 and use our code sht10 to try up to 40 minutes with an advisor for just $19.80. That is up to a $240 value!

BetterHelp:

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored

If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/

______

In this episode, we unpack the uncomfortable idea of being a “dry drunk” — not addicted to substances, but addicted to behaviors, control, and emotional suffering.

What starts as a conversation about sobriety quickly turns into something deeper: the fear that happiness isn’t real, the belief that love must be earned, and the quiet ways self-worth gets shaped by childhood experiences.

We talk about feeling stuck in survival mode, struggling to accept love without performing for it, and why misery can feel safer than healing. From identity confusion to self-neglect, people-pleasing, and the anxiety of being perceived, this episode explores the internal battles that don’t always look dramatic from the outside — but feel overwhelming on the inside.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re self-aware but still trapped in the same patterns… this conversation will hit close to home.

BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@secondhandtherapypod.com Follow us here: http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypod http://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod

Contact us: secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com 818-850-2448 PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105

If the world ended in 14 days, who would you choose — and why are you scared to choose anyone?

Support the pod: PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypod MERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com

BetterHelp:

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored

If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/

The Maca Team:

Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.

http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy

promo code: bearcub for 10% off

Light Phone:

Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.

https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn

promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III

______

What would you do if the world was ending in 14 days?

This week on Secondhand Therapy, we break down Seeking a Friend for the End of the World through a therapy lens — and it gets personal fast. We talk about attachment styles, fear of abandonment, self-sabotage, purpose, loneliness, and the urge to unblock your ex when mortality hits.

Would you numb out with chaos… or search for connection? Would you end it with family, your partner, or alone? And why does control feel safer than vulnerability?

This episode dives into:

• Anxious vs avoidant attachment

• Preemptive abandonment

• Fear of being “too much”

• Existential anxiety & meaning

• Why we sabotage love before it can hurt us

It’s funny. It’s uncomfortable. It’s deeply honest.

If the clock were ticking — who would you choose?

BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.com Follow us here: http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypod http://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod

Contact us: secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com 818-850-2448 PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105 Cover Art Design: Louie Paoletti Theme Music: Jamie Franks