Helping the Helpers: Maria Zabeti on Fatigue, Boundaries, CBT, and Brainspotting

Dr. Bethany Valenti interviews Maria Zabeti, a California-licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with helping professionals. Maria shares her path to therapy as a second career after years of service-oriented work, including as a medical assistant, and explains her passion for connecting with people and being part of their stories. They discuss common themes among helpers—fatigue, resentment, rumination, stress, anxiety, feeling unappreciated at work and at home, difficulty identifying personal needs and values, and challenges with boundaries that can be rooted in childhood roles and family messages. Maria describes her clinical approach using CBT (including a negative thought journal, feelings charts, evidence for/against thoughts, and alternative thoughts), values clarification, and boundary-setting as gradual “muscle-building,” along with elements of positive psychology focused on self-esteem and self-love. She also explains how and when she introduces brainspotting for trauma and difficult emotions.

To learn more about Maria:

Website

Psychology Today

Facebook

LinkedIn

To learn more about Bethany Valenti, PsyD:

Bethany's Website

Say Hello to Your Therapist Podcast Instagram

Bethany's Instagram

Bethany's Facebook Page

Things we talked about:

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Feelings Wheel
Brainspotting

00:00 Welcome + Meet Maria Zabeti (Helping the Helpers)
01:12 Maria’s Path to Therapy: From Medical Assistant to MFT
04:13 Why Psychology Over HR: The Need for Real Connection
06:00 Who Are “Helping Professionals”? Defining the Umbrella
09:24 The Appreciation Gap: Stress at Work and at Home
10:39 Over-Functioning, Exhaustion & Resentment (The Push-Pull)
17:05 Losing Yourself: Needs, Hobbies, and Values Clarification
19:47 Tools in Session: Feelings Charts to Unlock Emotions
24:42 CBT for Helpers: Negative Thought Journal + Reality Testing
28:11 CBT Example: “My Boss Doesn’t Appreciate Me” Reframed
33:16 Pros, Cons, and Next Steps When Work Isn’t Meeting Your Needs
34:20 Your Worth Isn’t Your Job: Meaning, Identity, and Self-Esteem
35:30 Setting Boundaries at Work (After-Hours Calls & Saying No)
37:28 Where People-Pleasing Starts: Childhood Roles and Learned Beliefs
39:45 Roadblocks to Change: Spouse Expectations, Pressure, and Feeling Trapped
41:39 When to Use Brainspotting: Trauma, Loss, and Toxic Relationship Stress
46:52 How Brainspotting Works: Eye Position, Body Sensations, and Debriefing
54:43 Wrap-Up Q&A: Practice Details, Self-Care, Misconceptions, and Where to Find Her

Welcome to the Say Hello to your therapist podcast hosted by Dr. Bethany Valenti. In this episode, Dr. Valenti interviews Dr. Kimberly Richards, a therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma, and EMDR therapy. They discuss their experiences with community mental health and how trauma often manifests in various ways such as anxiety, depression, or ADHD. Dr. Richards shares her journey to becoming a therapist, the challenges faced, and her transition to private practice. The conversation delves into the intricacies of trauma therapy, including the use of EMDR, understanding dissociative symptoms, and the importance of addressing trauma for effective mental health treatment. The episode offers insights into how EMDR therapy works, its effectiveness, and the protocols involved. Listeners are encouraged to take care of themselves as the discussion involves heavy topics such as sexual abuse and trauma.

To learn more about Kim:

https://www.birchrunpsych.com/

To learn more about Bethany Valenti, PsyD:
https://www.bethanyvalenti.com
https://www.instagram.com/sayhellotoyourtherapistpodcast/
https://www.instagram.com/bethanyvalentipsyd/
https://www.facebook.com/p/Bethany-Valenti-PsyD-61579092524236/

Things we talked about:
Dr. Amber Lyda and her episode on the podcast (Episode 1!)
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Married with Children show
DSM 5
The Living Legacy of Trauma Flipchart by Janina Fisher
Got Your Six service dogs
Coulda Had a V8
PsyPact Map
Fiona Baker Marigold Island Series

00:00 Introduction and Content Warning
01:18 Kim's Journey to Becoming a Therapist
02:00 Challenges and Experiences in Education
05:31 Working in the Prison System
09:50 Transition to Private Practice
13:35 Understanding Trauma and Anxiety
20:19 Exploring Covert Trauma
31:33 Dissociation and Trauma Responses
44:41 Exploring Trauma and EMDR Therapy
45:13 Virtual EMDR: Tools and Techniques
47:12 The Science Behind EMDR
49:33 Explaining EMDR to Clients
52:38 EMDR Protocols and Phases
55:22 Using Olfactory Cues in EMDR
58:11 Client Experiences and Feedback
01:18:32 Concluding Thoughts and Resources

Join Dr. Bethany Valenti on the 'Say Hello to Your Therapist' podcast as she interviews Keely Rodriguez. Keely shares her journey from various careers to becoming a therapist specializing in trauma, anxiety, and grief for middle-aged and perimenopausal women. The discussion also delves into therapeutic techniques like EMDR and brain spotting, comparing their uses and benefits. Additionally, the conversation touches on the unique challenges faced by midlife women and the importance of addressing mental health during this transitional phase.

To learn more about Keely:
Website

Keely's Instagram

Keely's Blog Therapy for Grown Ass Women

Keely's YouTube Channel

To learn more about Bethany Valenti, PsyD:

Bethany's Website

Say Hello to Your Therapist Podcast Instagram

Bethany's Instagram

Bethany's Facebook Page

Things we talked about:
We Do Not Care Club aka Melani Sanders

EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Brainspotting and Dr. David Grand

Dr. Dan Siegel Hand Model of the Brain

Perimenopause

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
01:17 Meet Keely Rodriguez: A Journey to Becoming a Therapist
02:27 Keely's Career Transition and Early Experiences
04:27 Specializing in Women's Mental Health
09:53 Working with the Hispanic Community
13:51 Exploring Brainspotting and EMDR
38:44 Session Structure and Client Follow-Up
40:15 The Importance of Therapeutic Relationships
42:36 Brainspotting and EMDR Techniques
43:41 Impact of COVID on Therapy
44:22 Understanding Midlife and Perimenopause
46:11 Emotional and Physical Challenges of Midlife
56:39 Addressing Anxiety and Depression in Midlife
58:46 Biological and Lifestyle Factors in Mental Health
01:10:30 Therapist's Personal Insights and Practices
01:17:13 Contact Information and Final Thoughts