Helping the Helpers: Maria Zabeti on Fatigue, Boundaries, CBT, and Brainspotting

Dr. Bethany Valenti interviews Maria Zabeti, a California-licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with helping professionals. Maria shares her path to therapy as a second career after years of service-oriented work, including as a medical assistant, and explains her passion for connecting with people and being part of their stories. They discuss common themes among helpers—fatigue, resentment, rumination, stress, anxiety, feeling unappreciated at work and at home, difficulty identifying personal needs and values, and challenges with boundaries that can be rooted in childhood roles and family messages. Maria describes her clinical approach using CBT (including a negative thought journal, feelings charts, evidence for/against thoughts, and alternative thoughts), values clarification, and boundary-setting as gradual “muscle-building,” along with elements of positive psychology focused on self-esteem and self-love. She also explains how and when she introduces brainspotting for trauma and difficult emotions.

To learn more about Maria:

Website

Psychology Today

Facebook

LinkedIn

To learn more about Bethany Valenti, PsyD:

Bethany's Website

Say Hello to Your Therapist Podcast Instagram

Bethany's Instagram

Bethany's Facebook Page

Things we talked about:

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Feelings Wheel
Brainspotting

00:00 Welcome + Meet Maria Zabeti (Helping the Helpers)
01:12 Maria’s Path to Therapy: From Medical Assistant to MFT
04:13 Why Psychology Over HR: The Need for Real Connection
06:00 Who Are “Helping Professionals”? Defining the Umbrella
09:24 The Appreciation Gap: Stress at Work and at Home
10:39 Over-Functioning, Exhaustion & Resentment (The Push-Pull)
17:05 Losing Yourself: Needs, Hobbies, and Values Clarification
19:47 Tools in Session: Feelings Charts to Unlock Emotions
24:42 CBT for Helpers: Negative Thought Journal + Reality Testing
28:11 CBT Example: “My Boss Doesn’t Appreciate Me” Reframed
33:16 Pros, Cons, and Next Steps When Work Isn’t Meeting Your Needs
34:20 Your Worth Isn’t Your Job: Meaning, Identity, and Self-Esteem
35:30 Setting Boundaries at Work (After-Hours Calls & Saying No)
37:28 Where People-Pleasing Starts: Childhood Roles and Learned Beliefs
39:45 Roadblocks to Change: Spouse Expectations, Pressure, and Feeling Trapped
41:39 When to Use Brainspotting: Trauma, Loss, and Toxic Relationship Stress
46:52 How Brainspotting Works: Eye Position, Body Sensations, and Debriefing
54:43 Wrap-Up Q&A: Practice Details, Self-Care, Misconceptions, and Where to Find Her