For 29 minutes, we actually looked a bit like a football team. Then Cuti Romero decided he’d seen enough.

With Udogie hobbling off and the squad down to nine fit first-teamers (is that right, Cuti?) we’re officially in "looking over our shoulder" territory.

Inevitably the Poch rumours are back. We discuss the likelihood and desirability.

Also in this episode:

• Flappy: Letting in a trundler before turning into Gordon Banks. Plus ça change.

• Souza & Simons: So good, we wonder why we signed them.

• Dr. Tottenham: Newcastle are at their lowest ebb - 'nuff said?

• Room 101: More footy nonsense for the bin

• Stupid Tweets: So many, so little time.

Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Lee Brown, and Kevin Acott break down the chaos.

COYS THFC

The window has slammed shut and Cuti Romero hasn't held back. We dive into the Captain’s "disgraceful" Instagram broadside.

And we ask: What does Johan Lange actually do?

Plus

• The Vinai Era: Is the new CEO staying "on message," or just managing the decline?

• Academy Paradox: Why are we signing 18-year-old James Wilson from Hearts just to play Academy football while Mikey Moore is tearing it up at Rangers?

• United Away: We look ahead to a massive clash at Old Trafford.

It’s messy, it’s petty, and it’s very Tottenham.

The City game was a tale of two halves: pathetic to dynamic, chalk to cheese. Was the formation shift down to Thomas Frank’s genius or forced by injury?

We break down the "moral courage" of Xavi Simons, praise 'man possessed' Palhinha and a veteran-style shift from Archie Gray, and look into the "Giant Redwood" that is Flappy in goal.

Inside this episode:

• The Solanke Saviour: Even an atheist can thank God for that goal.

• The 75-Minute Walkout: Principled protest or utter nonsense?

• Twitter Jury: We shred the week’s most idiotic tweets

• Room 101: Binning off "we go again" and other footballing sins.

• Stat or Fiction: Did VDV really drive home in his kit before the final whistle?

• Man Utd Preview: Which Spurs will show up—the Chalk or the Cheese?

Strap in. We go again.