Recommended Episodes

• Secret #13: Happily Ever After with Jonathan Shippey
• Secret #55: Belonging with Meg McKelvie
• Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova

We've been told that attraction follows predictable rules: some people are more desirable than others, men and women want fundamentally different things, and finding love means discovering someone who's already compatible with us. But what does the research actually say? Professor Paul Eastwick joins Emma and Chris to unpack the outdated evolutionary psychology ideas that continue to shape modern dating culture.

Drawing from his book Bonded by Evolution, Paul challenges the concept of mate value, explores why what people say they want in a partner often differs from whom they're actually attracted to, and explains how compatibility develops through repeated interactions. They also discuss dating apps, the importance of shared social spaces, and the potential consequences of replacing human connection with AI companions.

Key Takeaways

• Our first impressions of attractiveness are far less universal than we tend to believe.
• A person's perceived mate value doesn't determine their long-term romantic possibilities.
• Compatibility often develops through familiarity and shared experiences rather than instant chemistry.
• What men and women say they want in partners doesn't necessarily predict whom they find attractive.
• Dating apps can exaggerate the importance of superficial characteristics that matter less in person.
• Social groups and repeated face-to-face interactions create opportunities for meaningful relationships.
• AI companionship raises questions about what happens when we replace the challenges of human relationships with frictionless interactions.

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #7: Parental Guilt with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
• Secret #49: Parenting Your Anxious Child
• Secret #84: Parent Anxiety with Jodi Richardson

What if good parenting isn’t about keeping yourself or your child calm? Dr. Alissa Jerud joins Emma and Chris to explore how accepting, regulating, and tolerating difficult emotions can help parents respond more effectively without expecting themselves to get parenting “right.”

Parenting advice often focuses on what to do about our children’s behavior. But what happens when our own emotions take over? Clinical psychologist Dr. Alissa Jerud joins Emma and Chris to explore why trying to control our children’s feelings, behavior, and even our own emotions can leave parents feeling more stuck.

Drawing from her book Emotion Savvy Parenting, Alissa introduces her ART framework: Accept, Regulate, and Tolerate. Together, they explore acceptance without judgment, mindfulness, emotional regulation, practical strategies for intense moments, and how parents can set limits based on their own values rather than searching for a one-size-fits-all approach.

Key Takeaways

• Parents don’t have to eliminate difficult emotions to respond effectively.
• Trying to control a child’s emotions can sometimes be an attempt to reduce our own discomfort.
• ART stands for Accept, Regulate, and Tolerate. Secret #90_ Emotion Savvy Paren…
• Acceptance doesn’t mean liking or approving of what is happening.
• Mindfulness and emotion-regulation skills are easier to access in difficult moments when we practice them in lower-stakes situations first. Secret #90_ Emotion Savvy Paren…
• Parents can feel intense emotions without automatically acting on what those emotions urge them to do. Secret #90_ Emotion Savvy Paren…
• Limits and boundaries can be flexible and should reflect the needs and values of each individual family.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
• Secret #57: Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Dr. Joel Salinas
• Secret #74: The Cost of Pretending with Jonathan Kanter

We’re often warned about the dangers of TMI, but Leslie John’s research suggests we may be overlooking the costs of TLI—too little information. Leslie explains how under-sharing can affect our wellbeing, relationships, and even our effectiveness at work, and why we tend to remember the immediate cringe of saying too much while barely noticing the opportunities we lose by saying too little.

Together, Leslie, Emma, and Chris explore what it takes to reveal ourselves well: knowing what we’re feeling, paying attention to reciprocity, understanding why we want to share, and recognizing that the line between openness and TMI changes with context. They also discuss intimacy, disclosure at work, psychological safety, and why occasionally feeling a little uncomfortable about what we’ve shared might actually be a sign that we’re expanding our capacity for connection.

Key Takeaways

• Under-sharing can cost us connection, trust, and opportunities.
• Feeling truly known requires allowing other people to know more of who we actually are.
• We tend to overreact to the immediate discomfort of oversharing and under-react to the quieter costs of saying too little.
• Reciprocity is one of the best clues for knowing whether to share more or pull back.
• Before disclosing, consider why you want to share and what you hope it will accomplish.
• At work, transparency can provide many of the benefits of openness without requiring deeply vulnerable disclosure.
• Occasionally experiencing a little “TMI cringe” may simply mean you’re practicing sharing beyond your usual comfort zone.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)