Recommended Episodes

• Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard
• Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch
• Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver

Why are we so much harsher with ourselves than we are with the people we love?

In this episode, Holly Yates and Shawn Costello-Whooley join Chris and Emma to explore the powerful role of the inner critic. Together, they unpack where self-critical thoughts come from, why they often masquerade as protection, and how they can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, and sense of self-worth.

Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), compassion-focused approaches, and their new book The Inner Critic Workbook, Holly and Shawn explain how self-criticism often develops as an attempt to keep us safe, connected, and accepted. The conversation explores shame, belonging, perfectionism, social comparison, parenting, and the courage required to respond to ourselves with kindness rather than cruelty.

This episode offers practical tools for recognizing your inner critic, understanding its function, and developing a healthier relationship with the thoughts that tell you you're not enough.

Key Takeaways

• The inner critic often develops as a misguided attempt to protect us.
• Shame thrives in secrecy and disconnection.
• Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or letting yourself off the hook.
• Values can help distinguish between a helpful coach and a harmful critic.
• Responding is different from reacting.
• Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame.
• We can learn to relate differently to self-critical thoughts without eliminating them.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #12: Imposter Syndrome with Dr. Jill Stoddard
• Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold
• Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary

Why is asking for help so hard?

For many people, needing support feels like failure. Whether it's therapy, medication, weight loss surgery, or asking others for assistance, we often carry the belief that we should be able to do everything on our own.

In this candid conversation, Dr. Jill Stoddard shares her lifelong struggle with body image, dieting, and shame. She discusses the decision to pursue weight loss surgery, the judgment she faced afterward, and why society often labels support as "cheating."

Together, Chris, Emma, and Jill unpack the complicated intersection of weight, identity, appearance, values, and cultural expectations. They explore the role of uncertainty, discomfort, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility in creating lasting change.

Ultimately, this conversation isn't really about weight loss—it's about giving ourselves permission to ask for help, challenge shame, and pursue the life we want without needing anyone else's approval.

Key Takeaways

• Asking for help is not weakness—it is often wisdom.
• Weight loss tools, medications, and surgery are not "cheating."
• Shame often drives unhealthy relationships with food and body image.
• Values provide a more sustainable path than willpower alone.
• Learning to tolerate discomfort is essential for long-term change.
• The goal isn't perfection—it's psychological flexibility.
• We can support others without judging the choices they make for their bodies.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #50: Happy High Achievers with Dr. Mary Anderson
• Secret #57: Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Dr. Joel Salinas
• Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold

What if anxiety isn’t the enemy we think it is?

In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary challenges the modern belief that anxiety is something to eliminate, suppress, or “fix.” Instead, she reframes anxiety as an essential human emotion that helps us prepare for uncertainty, pursue meaningful goals, and navigate life with courage and hope.

Chris and Emma explore why we’ve become increasingly intolerant of discomfort, how avoidance fuels chronic anxiety, and why emotional resilience requires learning how to move through difficult feelings rather than around them. The conversation also explores parenting anxious children, performance anxiety in athletes, social support, and the powerful difference between fear and anxiety.

This episode offers a compassionate and practical framework for understanding anxiety differently and for building a healthier relationship with discomfort, uncertainty, and emotional struggle.

Key Takeaways

• Why anxiety is essential for growth and resilience
• The difference between fear and anxiety
• How avoidance fuels chronic anxiety
• Why emotional discomfort builds psychological flexibility
• How the “3Ls” framework helps manage anxiety

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)