Do our kids know we love them… but still not always feel it?

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David take on one of the most sensitive (and real) parenting questions: a parent can be full of love — and a child can still experience “You don’t love me.” How does that happen?

Building off last week’s foundation (that a parent’s love can’t be “perfect” in the way we wish it could be), we explore:

• Why a child’s inner world often works in all-or-nothing terms (“If it’s not 100%, it’s nothing”)
• How “You hate me” is rarely about facts — and almost always about experience
• The Chassidic idea that inside a “sheker” there can be a spark of truth to redeem (instead of reacting defensively)
• Why the first move isn’t “fix it” — it’s finding the shoresh (where the feeling is coming from)

And we end with a powerful next step for the series: the importance of verbal love — bituy miluli — especially for parents who struggle to express what they deeply feel.

A shiur about love, truth, and building a home where children can walk with a real “shield of love”, even when life gets messy.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
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Chapters
00:00 Opening & Sponsorship Acknowledgements
01:26 Today’s Question: Do Children Feel Our Love?
04:39 Three Types of Parental Responses
05:51 Why Kids Don’t Always Experience Love
08:28 Validating Feelings vs Arguing Facts
09:32 What to Do When a Child Says “You Hate Me”
11:15 Find the Source Before Trying to Fix
15:24 The Assumption: The Feeling Isn’t “Factually True”
17:42 The Spark of Truth Inside a Child’s “Sheker”
22:30 Where Real Insight Comes From
23:35 End-of-Life Regrets: Work vs Home
24:45 The Pride of Providing — and What Kids Still Need
26:16 Obligation vs Love (and how kids read it)
28:01 If Love Were “Perfect,” Kids Would Feel It Naturally
33:31 The Weak Spot: Where Kids Find “Proof” You Don’t Love Them
36:47 The “Love Funnel” and Why Leaks Change Everything
43:38 Next Week: The Power of Verbal Love
44:41 Personal Story: A Home of Tears & Expression
45:59 The Airport Handshake Moment
47:12 Why That Handshake Stayed for 20+ Years
48:34 Closing + Hope for the Week

In parenting, we want to believe our love is perfect — automatic, limitless, and always putting our child first. But real life has a way of testing that fantasy.

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David unpack a surprisingly relieving truth: a parent can genuinely love their child… and still have moments where their own needs collide with the child’s needs. Sometimes it’s obvious (work, exhaustion, basic functioning). Sometimes it’s subtler (wanting quiet when your child needs connection, wanting “my plan” when your child needs “me”).

With honesty, humor, and a lot of compassion, we explore:

• Why this tension is normal and why denying it makes us less self-aware
• The difference between a true need vs. laziness/ta’avah
• How “timing” and communication can become a real avodah
• Why kids experience reality differently (and how that changes everything)

This isn’t a guilt shiur. It’s a clarity shiur — the kind that helps you become more present, more balanced, and more loving in the moments that actually matter.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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Chapters
00:00 Opening and Introducing the Shiur Topic
01:05 Natural Parental Love at Birth
04:07 Striving for the Perfect Parent
13:26 Question of Absolute Unconditional Love
18:08 Recognizing Unconscious Preference
21:13 “My Need vs My Child’s Need” Examples
25:44 The “One Candy Left” Test
28:31 Alone Time, Date Night, and the Child’s Experience
33:16 Sleep Training as a Case Study
35:49 The Pillow at 2:00am: Need or Laziness?
37:54 A Parent Has Needs Too
40:12 Needs vs. Laziness/Ta’avah (The Real Birur)
42:52 The Oxygen Mask Analogy
44:40 Timing as a Tool for Discernment
46:25 Communication: Helping Kids Understand Reality
48:05 Love Isn’t Free of Personal Motives
50:58 Generational Shift in Mom Self-Care
52:15 Father’s Old-School Wisdom and Child Fear

In this new perek of Da Es Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go straight at a question that sounds “too obvious” to even ask: why do parents need to love their children? And then they flip it. Because love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the soul’s nourishment.

From there, they go even deeper: love isn’t only what keeps a child emotionally alive. It’s the “pipeline” that makes chinuch possible. Without a vessel of love, guidance and discipline don’t land. They spill.

With a powerful mashal (Kinneret water needs a pipe) and a sharp Torah from the Mishkan (Moshe vs. Betzalel: build the structure before the tools), this shiur reframes parenting: don’t start with tactics. Start by building the home’s foundation of love, so everything else actually reaches your child.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore one of the most basic and most misunderstood foundations of parenting: love.

Not love as a feeling we assume is obvious, and not love as a concept we think we’ve already mastered. But love as mazón la’nefesh, nourishment for a child’s soul.

Drawing from Da Et Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo reframes love as an essential need, no different from food, clothing, or shelter. Just as a child cannot survive without physical nourishment, a child’s soul cannot grow without love that is given, expressed, and received.

This shiur gently challenges the assumption that “they know I love them,” and invites us into a deeper, more honest avodah: learning how each child uniquely receives love, how missed nourishment affects the soul, and why this is something that must be learned, prayed over, and renewed again and again.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?

Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.

Together we learn:

• The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).
• Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.
• How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.
• Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.
• A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”

Practical takeaways:

• Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.
• In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”
• Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.
• When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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This week we face the question every home is asking: how do we hold yedidut (friendship) and mashma’ut (discipline) together—without losing either?

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David learn that Chazal’s path isn’t “buddy” parenting, and it isn’t cold control. It’s a 50/50 coin: authority on one side, friendship on the other—flipped together by love. The Chafetz Chaim’s home modeled chaverut with clear chinuch; the Rambam’s Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha applies inside our doorway, too—yes, even toward our children.

Together we learn:

• Why “just friendship” isn’t a Jewish home, and “just authority” breaks the funnel (kesher nafshi) that lets Torah and values actually land.
• How to keep vision and boundaries without the belt, or the burnout.
• The daily avodah of seeing a neshamah, not a project: curiosity first, guidance second.
• Yosef’s middah as a parenting model: chesed and gevurah operating simultaneously.
• A practical liturgy for parents: entering a moment of conflict with “הנני מקבל עלי מצות עשה של ואהבת לרעך כמוך.”

Practical takeaways:

• Two-step before feedback: 1) Reflect what you heard (friend), 2) State the boundary and consequence calmly (parent).
• Name the coin: Say it out loud—“I love you as my yedid, and I’m setting this boundary as your parent.”
• One clear house rule: Choose one “non-crossable line” this week; post it, keep it with warmth.
• Daily 30-second kavanah: Before big talks, whisper the Ve’ahavta line above.
• Measure the funnel: If your words aren’t landing, build kesher first, teach second.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz invites us to re-examine the core of chinuch: can a parent be both moreh (teacher) and chaver (friend) without blurring roles? We return to last week’s kesher nafshi (soul-bond) and learn why natural love alone isn’t the funnel—mutuality is. Around ages 12–13, many children feel, “You love me, but you don’t understand me.” The work now is to move from “I care about you” (אכפת לי) to “I’m genuinely interested in you” (מעניין אותי)—from giving gifts we think they need to discovering the gift they actually yearn for.

Together we learn:

• Why ahavah tiv’it (natural love) cannot replace a two-way kesher nafshi, and how that bond becomes the only reliable “funnel” for values to land.
• The shift from top-down instructions to du-siach (two-way conversation) that dignifies a growing child.
• “Chinuch al pi darko” as practice: joining your child’s world so Torah can join their story—and stay there.
• The “gift mistake”: giving from our map instead of their needs, and how to do a gentle birur ha-ratzon (clarifying what they want and what we want).
• The Chafetz Chaim at home: the recipe is parent-as-teacher and parent-as-friend—without surrendering boundaries.

Practical takeaways:

• Ten minutes of curiosity: This week, ask about one thing they care about (music, friend, game, class). No fixing; mirror back what you heard.
• Switch the verb: Say out loud, “It’s not only that I care, I’m interested. Teach me.” Then listen twice as long as you speak.
• Name the age-shift: Tell a 12+ child, “I don’t want to love you like a toddler. Help me love you like you are now.”
• Funnel check before mussar: Ask, “Do we have a kesher right now?” If not—build it first, speak short and warm after.
• Friend + Parent, not either/or: Clarify one boundary you’ll keep with consistency and kindness (tone, timing, devices)—so friendship never erases guidance.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz asks the heart-level question: Do I Want to Know My Child’s World?

We deepen last week’s kesher nafshi—a two-way soul-bond—by facing a common gap: many parents are pouring from their world into children living in a different one. Without curiosity and reciprocity, the funnel leaks; with it, chinuch can finally land.

Together we learn:
- Why a mutual bond (ke-mayim ha-panim) is the only stable “funnel” for real chinuch.
- How to enter a child’s dor (generation) with humility—see, listen, learn—before you speak.
- The difference between organic kibbud av va’em and guilt-based demands—and how to keep it gentle.
- Why relying on “passive osmosis” (they’ll just pick it up) isn’t a shittah—we need a conscious method.
- Creation’s order as a model: a spousal kesher of mutuality precedes and teaches the parent–child bond.

Practical takeaways:
- Schedule one curiosity block this week (10–15 min): ask about their music, friends, game, class—no fixing, just “teach me your world.”
- Before giving mussar, ask: Do I have a funnel here? If not, build it first (listen, reflect back, then speak briefly).
- Name one gentle boundary that keeps connection safe (tone, timing, devices), and keep it with consistency and warmth.

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L’ilui nishmat Batya Feiga bat Yisrael; Levi ben Yosef; Avraham Mordechai ben Yosef.
For refuah sheleimah Aliza Chana bat Naomi; Shoshana Yona bat Eidel—תחת שערי שמים.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t