In this episode of How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelam tackle the difficult workplace conversations many of us would rather avoid: what to do when your boss's behaviour is affecting your confidence, your team and your ability to do your job.

They answer specific listener questions by exploring three common difficult-boss scenarios: the emotionally volatile boss who leaves everyone walking on eggshells; the fearful or anxious boss who becomes controlling and starts micromanaging; and the boss who subtly undermines you in meetings or questions your decisions.

If you're wondering about the signs of a toxic boss, how to handle a micromanaging boss, or how to manage up when your boss is difficult, this episode offers practical ways to approach the situation.

You'll hear how to:

• Stop taking your boss's behaviour personally
• Separate their emotional issues from your own
• Have a difficult conversation with your boss
• Give feedback without making assumptions about their intentions
• Stick to facts rather than interpretations
• Manage up and reduce micromanagement
• Create systems that give an anxious boss reassurance without constant interruptions
• Use 360-degree feedback to give a leader a clearer picture of their impact
• Handle subtle workplace undermining and microaggressions
• Respond rather than react when a difficult boss pushes your buttons
• Consider handling a bad boss without going to HR
• Know when you've tried enough and it's time to consider your options

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Previous episodes mentioned

1. The Best Conversation Is the One You Have With Yourself – Series 2, Episode 4
2. Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it) – Series 2, Episode 1
3. How to Negotiate Like a Hostage Negotiator – with Scott Walker - Series 1, Episode 10

> You can find them here.

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> Spotify listeners can go here.

Contact Victoria at www.thesuccesssmith.com

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Doctor Dolittle dreamed of talking to animals and having them talk back. It was a fantastical notion. Except that some pet owners are already living it. Today!

Pet owners, like Nina Leipold and her talking cat, Flounder.

This very clever kitty uses over 120 words on a soundboard, has a favourite film she watches on repeat, a toy mouse with his own opinion button, and a bravery tutu she asks for before thunderstorms. She has also diagnosed her own illness, reminded her owner to pick up wine, and painted a picture. Oh, and there’s so much more, as you’ll hear.

In this episode, we (that’s Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Nina, an animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training behind her, and occasionally Flounder, to explore what happens when you give a pet a way to communicate. Nina has enrolled Flounder in a university scientific study at UC San Diego, where researchers confirmed that Flounder processes words, not just body language. The episode covers how pet communication buttons work; the difference between receptive and expressive vocabulary in animals; why umbrella words are the key to managing a 120-button soundboard; what Flounder’s relationship with Mouse Toy reveals about play therapy in animals; and what happens to pet behaviour when you give them genuine agency.

We also put to Nina the questions that a survey of 2,000 pet owners said they most desperately want answered: Are you happy? Do you like your life? Do you love me or is it just cupboard love? Do you understand every word I say? What's your favourite thing we do together? Are you secretly judging me? Are you jealous? And, especially for the cat owners like Victoria, are you plotting something? Nina's answers might surprise you.

The lessons Nina has learned from teaching Flounder to talk turn out to apply just as much to human relationships as to animal ones. Which is why this episode is called How To Talk To Your Pets And Other Family Members.

Nina Leipold: animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training experience and owner of Flounder, a cat enrolled in a university scientific study into animal language and communication at UC San Diego.

Nina runs a free mini course and a full course on teaching pets to communicate using buttons - floundercat.com/button-mini-course

Instagram: @flounder_meatloaf - follow along to see Flounder progress. It really is mind-blowing.

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

The university study

• The study is run through UC San Diego (University of California, San Diego) and is currently focused on data collection from thousands of dogs and cats. It needs funding to continue, Nina mentions this in the episode. Visit https://cclab.ucsd.edu/donate/ to donate and https://cclab.ucsd.edu/pet-cognition-communication/ for more information about the study.

Concepts mentioned in this episode

• Receptive vocabulary - words an animal understands when they hear them
• Expressive vocabulary - words an animal is able to communicate back
• Umbrella words — a single word covering multiple related concepts to reduce button overload (e.g. ‘hug’ for anything Flounder wears)
• Operant conditioning - the learning process Victoria references (Pavlov’s dog; reward-based behaviour training)
• Play therapy - the framework Nina uses to understand Flounder’s relationship with Mouse Toy
• Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) - the broader field of communication tools that pet buttons draw from, originally developed for humans

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A third of adults have never once talked to their partner about sex. Not once. Is that because we've never been taught HOW to have THAT conversation?

We think so, and it's one of the conversations we struggle with too.

That being a good enough reason to tackle this subject aside, here's another reason: the cost of not talking about it isn't just bad sex, it's needs quietly going unmet, resentment slowly building, and eventually someone deciding they'd rather find what they need elsewhere.

This is an important episode for an important conversation and to help us navigate it, we (that's Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Amy Terwilleger, a licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach, to talk about why the conversation about sex is so hard, how to actually talk to your partner about it, what it costs us not to have it, and what it actually takes to start. Amy works with individuals and couples across the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and desire to conflict, separation, and rebuilding after divorce. She is, it turns out, exactly the person you want in the room when two rather British women are trying to get over their knickers-in-a-twist discomfort about the whole subject.

This episode covers the shame and stigma that keeps the conversation locked down; why our sex education left a gap that pornography filled badly; the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why the pizza analogy helps explain it); the bucket list but for sex; why faking orgasm is a communication problem; what body image is doing to our sex lives; how to have the conversation when your partner doesn't want to; and what Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity tells us about mystery, separateness, and why time apart might be the best thing you can do for your sex life.

Victoria admits to palpitations. Sarah admits to being quieter than usual. And Amy's closing line is one of our best!

⚠️ This episode contains adult content and is intended for mature audiences. It also includes an honest discussion of sexual trauma and its impact.

Amy Terwilleger - licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach. Amy helps individuals and couples navigate the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and connection to conflict, separation, and rebuilding. She works with clients on communication, desire, body image, sexual confidence, and ethical non-monogamy.

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence https://www.estherperel.com/books

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