Hydrogen is the lightest, most abundant element in the universe — and the force behind nuclear fusion in the sun. In Part 4 of the "You're in the People Business" series, I explore hydrogen's relational equivalent: curiosity.

First come the questions we ask ourselves. We only develop self-awareness to the degree we ask ourselves honest, deep questions — and answer them at the base level. Stopping at surface-level observations ("I won't do that again") without understanding why only increases the chance of repeating the pattern.

Knowing and being known is complicated. We have a pushmi-pullyu relationship with self-knowledge and vulnerability — drawn toward it and afraid of it at the same time. Curiosity requires courage on both fronts.

Curiosity + Empathy = Relational Intimacy. Just as hydrogen and oxygen form water, curiosity fused with empathy creates something new: genuine relational security and intimacy. Without empathy, curiosity becomes data-mining — and data can become a weapon.

Curiosity without good motives causes destruction. We should be honest about why we're seeking to know someone, and we don't owe everyone unlimited access to our story.

This Week's Challenge

1. Get curious about yourself — dig to the base level of the Communication Pyramid. What do you really believe about your rights and responsibilities?
2. Get curious about someone close to you — ask one or two deeper questions about their upbringing, dreams, or a goal they've set aside.
3. Before asking others to be vulnerable, earn that right by being trustworthy with what you already know — and by going first.

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Phosphorus is one of the most reactive elements in existence — so unstable that it's never found alone in nature. When bonded with the right elements, phosphorous gives us strength and energy.

Expectations in relationships work the same way. We've long been told that poor communication is the number one reason relationships fail. I challenge that assumption. The real culprit? Misalignment of expectations — because most communication never goes beyond the first few layers of the Communication Pyramid.

• What you did or didn't do
• How I feel about that
• What I did or didn't do
• How I feel about that
• What I want from you (very different from what I want for you)
• What I want from me (very different from what I want for me)
• What I believe about other people's rights and responsibilities
• What I believe about my own rights and responsibilities

Rarely does our communication reach the base: the expectations that reveal what we believe about our place in a relationship and in the world. Getting there is uncomfortable, partly because we're never taught to do it, and partly because our expectations expose what we believe we're entitled to — and that can be a vulnerable, unflattering thing to admit.

But when we bring our expectations into the open and align them with truth, something new forms — stability, clarity, and genuine connection. Just like phosphorus bonded with calcium.

Your challenge this week: Start a conversation from the base of the pyramid. Be courageously honest about what you're expecting — of yourself and of others. You'll be amazed at the difference.

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Let me know how today’s episode helps you!

Today I focus on something smelly, sometimes even stinky. But success in every relationship requires this. Yep, every one. Between parents and kids, colleagues, businesses and customers, friends, and well, the list is as extensive as the types of human relationships.

It’s like sulfur. Not exactly tasty or pleasant but incredibly healing and critical for life.

What is this crucial but smelly item? The work of repair.

I cover:

• Repair goes downstream before upstream
• Don’t follow repair work with a conversation about someone else’s failures
• The difference between remorse and repentance
• How trust gets built and rebuilt
• Apologies aren’t one-size-fits-all

Resources mentioned include:

Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken by Dr. Henry Cloud

The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

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Whether you're a plumber, parent, or CEO, you're in the people business. This means you've got to know what keeps a relationship breathing.

In Part 1 of the, "You're in the People Business," series, I explain what makes every relationship breathe. Whether it's managers and direct reports, businesses and customers, parents and children, spouses, friends, or family members, this trait is mandatory for a thriving relationship.

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Happy 200th episode!

In celebration -- and consideration of the path forward -- I share the four questions only courageous people ask. Some people ask themselves one or two, but those who dig into all four are most likely to grow ordinary into extraordinary.

1. What do I want? Often easy to ask unless life has knocked you down with enough disappointments that the willingness to dream seems like a path into hopeless. But courageous people get back up and keep asking.
2. Why do I want it? Am I trying to prove someone wrong--even from my past? Am I trying to validate my worth? Courageous people keep asking, "What's the real motivation behind my desires?" Without this answer, you may achieve what you want and then find it doesn't satisfy like you thought.
3. Why don't I have it? Ouch. This is the question that's often skipped because it reveals whether a person is living from a blame, entitlement, or empowerment mindset. This question may be the one that requires the greatest courage.

What am I willing to do to get it? Desire doesn't produce any results. Only actions. How this question gets answered determines whether a person is content to live in "Desireland" or do the work to build "Achievementland."

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What builds an extraordinary life?

Today we'll look at four more practices in the "Stop the Splatter" series which are building blocks of "extraordinary." The "big" events and actions reveal extraordinary faith, character, and abilities, but they don't build these. Rather, extraordinary is built by faithfully completing the "ordinary."

I address four specific practices:

Writing -- to remember God's faithfulness and goodness; to show appreciation; to deal with thoughts and emotions instead of being drug around by them.

Whistling -- a positive mindset, a joyful heart, a whistle-while-you-work is one of the hallmarks of extraordinary people

Words -- whether spoken to yourself or others, all words will build up or tear down; speak death or life.

Worship -- nothing will reorient your perspective and how you show up more than worship.

Combine these practices with the five from Episodes 196 & 197: Word, Walk, With, Withdrawal, and 40 Winks. You can build an extraordinary life and avoid splattering yours by faithfully and intentionally practicing these nine actions.

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Holy Week in the Christian faith is a microcosm of life. One day everything is filled with sunshine and joy. Then things get a little “weird.” Then everything falls apart. We can draw strength knowing God is still always with us.

When life is filled with joy, we don’t need to live in fear wondering when the “other shoe is going to drop.” These times are also ordained by God. When things get weird, we can examine whether we are focusing on God or others. When all falls apart, we can know resurrection follows death. Perhaps not in the way we imagine, but it will come if we remain faithful.

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The "ordinary" wrecks more lives than the "extraordinary."

The "ordinary" builds more lives than the "extraordinary."

Seldom does a big, transformative conversation, event, or opportunity come out of nowhere. Usually there is a trail of ordinary actions repeated through ordinary days that lead to success -- whether in relationships, health, or careers.

Conversely, ordinary actions which aren't taken lead to failure.

Continuing last week's series on "Stop the Splatter," we look today at the importance of With, Withdrawal, and Winks.

We need to be with people; we need to withdrawal and experience solitude with God; we need sleep, aka 40 winks. We are not merely brains and hearts boxed into an inert container. Our bodies are as much part of God's design as our minds and hearts.

Be reminded and encouraged about the importance of sustained "ordinary" practices to keep from drifting into dangerous waters or out to sea where you're lost. Keep living with intentionality. Your immeasurable, eternal, and irreplaceable impact depends on it.

Visit Stephanie Presents for resources, to book speaking engagements, and get the weekly newsletter, Godly Impact.

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