What happens when getting through life becomes the only way you know how to live?

Dave Coley joins Brian on Blether with Barberra to explore male trauma, hidden struggles and the gap between outward achievement and emotional wellbeing.

Drawing on his experience of surviving childhood sexual abuse, Dave reflects on work, identity, fatherhood, therapy and learning to describe feelings he had struggled to understand.

At the centre is a difficult question: can you become so good at surviving that you fail to recognise how much you’re still hurting?

Released as Movember begins, this is an honest conversation for men who recognise something of themselves—and anyone who wants to understand them.

Content note: childhood sexual abuse, trauma and suicidal thoughts.

The discussion reflects personal experiences and is not individual medical advice.

UK support: Samaritans, free on 116 123, day or night.
https://www.samaritans.org

Learn about Movember:
https://uk.movember.com

An independent Blether with Barberra episode; no official Movember affiliation.

“I’m blind, not stupid. Ask me.”

Those were Carly’s words when adults spoke about her instead of speaking directly to her.

In Part 2 of my conversation with Jill Thompson, we hear much more about Carly herself — an intelligent, determined and fiercely independent little girl living with an exceptionally rare genetic condition.

Jill recalls the relief of finally finding a school that recognised Carly’s academic ability rather than defining her by her disability, and the enormous difference made by one medical professional who simply believed the family and kept searching for answers.

Tragically, after years of uncertainty and changing diagnoses, the final diagnosis arrived only one month before Carly died.

But this episode is not simply about diagnosis or bereavement.

It is also about dignity, autonomy and the assumptions we make about disabled people.

Carly would not tolerate adults speaking to her mother when the question was about her. Her response was beautifully direct:

“I’m blind, not stupid. Ask me.”

Jill also talks openly about the realities people often fail to see when caring for a disabled child, and why she was determined to encourage Carly to do as much for herself as possible — even when other parents sometimes misunderstood her approach.

At only three and a half years old, Carly had even found her own way of adapting to deteriorating sight, using her doll’s pushchair to help navigate the world around her.

In this episode we discuss:

• finding a school that finally recognised Carly’s abilities
• years of uncertainty and changing diagnoses
• receiving the final diagnosis far too late
• what changed when one professional believed Jill and her family
• why disabled people should be spoken to, not spoken about
• the unseen reality of caring for a disabled child
• supporting independence without removing dignity
• the intelligence, personality and determination behind Carly’s disability

Content note: This episode discusses childhood illness, disability and the death of a child.

🎙️ Blether with Barberra
Hosted by Brian Caldwell-White

If this conversation resonates with you, please follow the podcast and share the episode with somebody who may need to hear it.

In this episode of Blether with Barberra, Brian continues his conversation with writer, speaker, photographer and paraeducator Michelle Steiner about hidden disability, success and identity.

Michelle discusses a common assumption she encounters: because she has achieved things in her life, people sometimes believe she must have “overcome” her learning disability.

But success and disability are not opposites.

Michelle still encounters everyday tasks she has to approach differently, while also building a life around the things she does extremely well.

The conversation explores self-worth, self-advocacy, young people with disabilities, asking for help, accepting disability as part of identity and why visible achievement should not be mistaken for the disappearance of support needs or challenges.

What if success does not prove somebody overcame their disability — but shows what they built while living with it?