The Spark: Romance, Intimacy & Why We're Not Just Coexisting

In this episode, James and Bethanie dig deep into what keeps a relationship truly alive — and spoiler alert: it's not about grand gestures. It's about self-reflection.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT:

• The Power of Self-Reflection — A marriage mentor shares the one thing that saved his relationship (and it's not communication skills)
• White Lies vs. Real Honesty — When little fibs are okay, and when they signal a bigger problem
• Leaving Work at the Door — Why it's harder to compartmentalize at home than at the office
• Our Honeymoon Dreams — Switzerland, Italy, the Amazon rainforest, and why exploration beats relaxation for us
• Pet Peeves & Pet Loves — Plus: OCD tics, irrational fears, and the last thing James Googled (it's weird)

KEY MOMENT: "I love you so much." The way Bethanie responds when James realizes he was wrong — that's the whole relationship in one moment.

THEME: This episode is titled "The Spark" for a reason. It's about remembering that the spark isn't found in Pinterest boards or perfect date nights. It's found in showing up, being honest about your mess, and choosing to keep growing together.

NEXT WEEK: Teaser for Episode 12: "Real vs. Curated" — we're breaking down how couples actually live vs. how social media makes it look.

Better Together (Most Days) is a relationship podcast hosted by James and Bethanie, a blended-family couple navigating marriage, communication, and real life together. New episodes Thursdays.

LISTEN ON: Podbean | Spotify | Apple Podcasts

We graded our own advice. All of it.

Over the past 9 episodes, James and Bethanie have thrown a lot of relationship wisdom into the world — never stop courting, energy matching, protecting your peace, communicating when you're both upset, the "palm trees" code. But how well do they actually stick to it? In Episode 10, they sit down with a scorecard and grade themselves on every major piece of advice they've given, one by one.

The grading covers:

• Never stop courting her — Are they still dating, or just existing? (Spoiler: once every two months might not cut it.)
• The 90/10 rule — Can James really figure out why Bethanie's upset 90% of the time? (Turns out, that 10% happens more recently than he'd like to admit.)
• Energy matching — Does one of them stay the AC unit when the other catches fire? (A car wash key incident and a business hiccup say… not always.)
• Texting grace — How good are they at giving each other space when life's busy? (James gets a C. Bethanie's more generous than he deserves.)
• Not interrupting — They've literally tracked interruptions with AI. This one stings. (James admits he's a C-minus at best.)
• The palm trees code — Their therapy-inspired way of saying "I need a minute." It's barely been used, and that's a good thing.
• Protecting your peace — Can they give each other space to process without feeling abandoned? (An A+ for reading each other's cues.)
• Carving out couple time — Spontaneous dinners downtown and heirloom carrots, graded against reality.
• Photos versus presence — Who's worse with the phone, and are they actually making memories?
• Cave and well communication — When one of them retreats, does the other know why? (They've evolved past needing to verbally announce it.)

The grading is brutally honest, funny, and real — there are confessions about mascot-making interruptions, TikTok glue-stick theories that backfire, and the realization that sometimes the advice lands, and sometimes life just gets in the way.

Plus: Pet Peeves vs. Pet Loves — The new favorite segment where James and Bethanie flip the script and call each other out on what they do (and don't do) that drives them nuts or melts their hearts.

And a tease for Episode 11: "Romance, Intimacy, and Why We're Not Just Coexisting" — coming next Thursday.

It's the relationship audit nobody asks for, but everyone should do.

This one starts mid-argument — because James left the recorder running. ("That tone says otherwise." "I did not have a tone.") By the time Bethanie realizes what's happening, they're already into it.

Episode 9 is about the thing that's honestly harder than merging bank accounts (which, for the record, they still haven't done): blending two families under one roof. Five kids between them — Bethanie's two girls, James's two boys and a girl — each showing up with their own rules, their own bedtimes, and very different ideas about whether chores are a thing that happens.

They get into what nobody hands you a manual for: the socks-and-plates chaos that spirals fast in a house of seven, the arguments about who does what, and the line James keeps coming back to — "we're not here to replace anyone. We're here to care for them, love them, and raise them the best we can." Bethanie talks about being called "hard" on her kids, why her first answer is almost always "no" (or "give me a minute"), and what she's really after: kids who know how to treat people when she's not in the room.

There's the awkward middle-school years, the ugly-cry on the first day of high school, and the harder side of co-parenting — protecting your peace when someone else's choices spill into your house, and choosing to fight for the kids instead of the fight. Plus a "palm trees" callback: the code word's been quiet lately, and that's a good sign.

Two families, five kids, one very full house. Most days it works.

James and Bethanie are about three months out from their September 19th wedding — and this week they pull back the curtain on what they're actually planning.

Inside this episode:

• What they're really doing vs. what the internet says you "have to"
• The roles all five kids are playing in the day
• Their non-negotiable lists — the things that absolutely have to happen
• The one planning moment that already made someone cry
• The part that's making Bethanie "super scared"
• Plus the very first run of a brand-new segment: Pet Peeve & Pet Love

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.

After teasing it for episodes, the Pokémon Go saga finally lands.

Episode 7 is the lighter one — James and Bethanie get into the screen-time tug-of-war, the "cave" dynamic when one of you disappears into a game or a phone, and what it really costs when you're busy capturing the moment instead of actually being in it. Photos vs. presence, and the small daily negotiations every couple makes about attention.

Plus: the wedding tease that sets up Episode 8.

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.

James pulled the actual definitions this time. (Bethanie says "Go to the Google" — he used AI instead.)

Episode 6 is the conversation they've been promising since Episode 5: gaslighting and narcissism, why those two go hand in hand, and what it looks like when you've lived through it. Bethanie's entire last relationship was a master class — a narcissist who was also an alcoholic, with all the "I never said that" and conveniently forgotten events that come with the package. She opens up about the cycle of apologizing at the end of every fight even when she had a real concern, and the years of self-help books that came after.

James talks about his own drinking history — a sip of his dad's beer at 10, a half-gallon of Everclear at 14, and the friend's mom who busted them with the line "well, it is ever so clear to me…" He also breaks down the boundary lesson he learned from an old boss: every walk-in to your office that could've been a 30-second text or email is 10 minutes torn out of your day, and being polite doesn't mean being permanently available.

There's a real conversation about teaching kids the difference between getting their way and being entitled, why a parent who's a narcissist passes it down, and how you set limits with a family member without nuking the relationship. Plus the "palm trees" code phrase James and Bethanie now use when one of them isn't ready to have the hard conversation yet.

Not a clinical episode. Just two people who have been on the receiving end of this stuff naming it out loud.

The episode about what happens when the silence gets loud.

Episode 5 is the conversation about emotional distance — the radio silence, the shutting down, and how you protect your peace without shutting your partner out. James and Bethanie get into business burnout bleeding into the relationship, the Hershey story, and why knowing your core values is what keeps you steady when everything else is noisy.

Plus the tee-up for the gaslighting conversation that lands in Episode 6.

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.