What happens when one child feels like home at the door and another, from the same sibling set, feels impossible to love? We open our front door and our hearts to a brutally honest journey through foster care: the instant bond that made love feel effortless, the second placement that brought our family to a breaking point, and the teen whose silence turned a celebration dinner into a night of cold rage and hard truths.

We explore what it means to expand love beyond a feeling. When warmth won’t come on command, action anchors us. That shift—love as a verb—keeps families steady while the nervous system catches up and connection rebuilds in small, faithful steps.

Then we move into the deep end: how to keep showing up when loving hurts. We unpack perception—naming “the story I’m telling myself”—to stop letting untested narratives drive our reactions. We define boundaries that are clear, kind, and enforceable. And, we explore what we really have control of... the quick answer is, on a good day, ourselves! That mix of agency and empathy lets us offer full love while limiting access to the most tender parts of our hearts until safety returns.

If you’re parenting through foster care, adoption, or any hard relationship, this conversation offers practical language, scripts, and a sustainable framework—perception, boundaries, and control—to reduce burnout and keep your care aligned with your values. Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary that helped you love well.

Email sara@havenretreatsinc.org for more information about the upcoming Mom's Retreat.

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A single keepsake cracked open a lifetime of hidden feeling. When Simon Ben learned that his childhood teddy bear came from his birth mother, a wave of grief and anger surfaced—and so did a clear path to freedom. We sit down with Simon to explore what thriving really means for adoptees and anyone healing from old narratives: being grateful in the highs, graceful in the lows, and far less bothered by being bothered.

Simon shares how Internal Family Systems helped him see parts without becoming them, and why he trusts action over sacred thoughts. We dig into perfectionism, negativity bias, and the pull of the inner critic, plus the practical language that validates kids’ emotions without welding identity to pain. You’ll hear how a simple reframe—“fear came to visit”—can calm storms, and why “I feel” beats “I am” when it comes to healing.

We also get honest about generational context. Many adoptees felt invalidated by parents who lacked today’s trauma literacy; holding harm and goodwill together takes nuance. Simon’s biggest claim may be his most liberating: insights, not time, are the greatest healer. Beneath every story is an unwoundable Self—awareness, presence, wholeness—that trauma can hide but not harm. From that ground, therapy deepens, habits stick, and humor returns.

If you’re navigating adoption, wrestling with identity, or tired of the mental tornado that starts when thoughts judge thoughts, this one offers a map and a mirror. Listen, share with someone who needs a reframe, and tell us the insight you’re taking with you. Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find their way to thriving.

Email sara@havenretreatsinc.org for more information about the upcoming Mom's Retreat.

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Some crises should never cost a child their family. When a single mom in a new city was admitted for kidney stones with no one to call, the default answer was removal. Instead, a host family took her daughters for one night—and that brief stay opened the door to lasting friendships, school support, and a church community that refused to let isolation write the ending. That’s the power of upstream care: precise help at the right moment that prevents unnecessary trauma.

We sit down with Melody Marshall, co-executive director of My Village Ministries and Upstream Collaborative, to unpack a model that’s reducing foster care entries and restoring dignity for parents in crisis. Melody traces her path from house parenting to hosting hundreds of nights to building a national network that equips churches to meet real needs—short-term child hosting, parent allies, care communities, and practical support that stabilizes families. We talk about the hard truths, too: most removals are tied to neglect driven by poverty and thin support systems, not malice. Poverty isn’t a crime; social isolation is the accelerant. When churches step in relationally, kids remain safe, parents regroup, and reunification becomes the norm.

Melody shares data from Columbus—99.9% reunification and a 40% drop in foster care numbers over five years—as well as the systems work behind those outcomes: shared policies, training, legal and insurance frameworks, and a resource bank that helps new ministries launch without reinventing the wheel. We explore the spiritual core of this calling, from standing firm when the work gets costly to trading judgment for compassion through proximity and presence. If you’ve felt drawn to foster or adopt, this conversation offers a vital first step: start upstream, build the village, and keep families together whenever safely possible.

If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for more candid conversations on foster care and adoption, and leave a review to help others find the show.

Email sara@havenretreatsinc.org for more information about the upcoming Mom's Retreat.

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