If your PDA autistic child copes at school but falls apart at home, this isn’t a failure — it’s a sign they finally feel safe.

In this episode, I explore how masking in PDA and autistic children allows them to “hold it together” all day — and why that comes at such a high cost to their nervous system and wellbeing.

If you’ve ever been told your child is “fine” at school while you’re holding the emotional aftermath at home, this conversation is for you. I unpack why many PDA autistic children cope in structured, neurotypical environments, only to unravel once they’re with the person they feel safest with.

We talk about what masking really is, why PDA children are often high maskers, and how behaviour-based frameworks in schools can completely miss a child’s internal experience. What looks like resilience or good behaviour from the outside is often survival — and it can lead to anxiety, burnout, and emotional overload.

I also explore why home becomes the place where everything spills out, why this isn’t caused by “bad behaviour” or poor parenting, and why advocacy becomes unavoidable for parents of PDA autistic children — even when we’re exhausted.

This episode invites a gentle shift away from “Why does my child behave worse with me?” and towards “What have they been holding in all day?” — and why nervous-system-led, autonomy-supportive approaches matter for long-term wellbeing.

Key takeaways / shifts

• Masking is a nervous system survival response — not a choice
• PDA children often cope all day, then collapse where they feel safest
• Behavioural frameworks miss what’s happening internally
• Advocacy is not optional when systems don’t understand PDA
• Increased autonomy and reduced demand support real wellbeing

If this episode supported you, I’d love you to follow along and leave a rating — it helps other parents find this support. You’re also warmly invited to share your experience in the comments or connect with other parents walking this path.

If this resonates, you’re not alone — and calmer, more connected homes are possible.

And head to chantalhewitt.com/pda to download your FREE PDA Language Guide x

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

✨ If you’re looking for deeper, personalised PDA parenting support, you can enquire about my limited-space 1:1, 8-week coaching programme at chantalhewitt.com/support.

✨ Download my free guides

Early Autism Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

If PDA parenting feels harder than anything you were prepared for, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not failing.

In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I explain why PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance, is not a behavioural issue — it is a nervous system response. For PDA autistic children, refusal, control, and what is often called “equalising behaviour” are survival strategies used to restore safety when demands feel overwhelming.

I break down why traditional parenting advice so often backfires in PDA autism parenting, especially approaches based on compliance, rewards, consequences, or reasoning in the moment. These strategies can unintentionally increase threat in a PDA child’s nervous system rather than reduce it.

Using real examples from my own home, I share how even well-intended questions or suggestions can push a PDA child into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — and why autonomy and felt safety must come first. We also start to explore why many PDA children hold it together all day and then fall apart at home, and why this isn’t a sign of failure, but of trust and co-regulation.

In this episode, we explore:

• PDA parenting through a nervous-system lens
• Why PDA refusals are not choices or manipulation
• What “equalising” means in PDA autism
• Why safety builds capacity over time

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

✨ If you’re looking for deeper, personalised PDA parenting support, you can enquire about my limited-space 1:1, 8-week coaching programme at chantalhewitt.com/support.

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x

If parenting feels harder the more strategies you try, this episode gently explains why foundations—not fixes—are what truly support autistic and PDA children long term.

This episode explores attuned parenting foundations for autistic and PDA children.

In this final episode of the Attuned Parenting Foundations series, I’m not introducing anything new — instead, I’m helping you connect the dots.

I walk you through why these foundations matter so deeply when you’re supporting an autistic or PDA child, and why even the most well-intentioned strategies fall apart when nervous systems don’t feel safe.

As I teach it and live it daily to see success, at the heart of attuned parenting are three essential foundations: your wellbeing as the co-regulator, your child’s nervous system and burnout, and the sensory world your child lives in. When one of these is unsupported, everything else becomes harder — for your child, for you, and for your whole family.

This work isn’t about perfection or stopping meltdowns forever. It’s about sustainability. It’s about creating safety, connection before compliance, and capacity over behaviour — so your relationship can grow and stabilise even in a world that isn’t built for neurodivergent children.

I also speak honestly about why parents often know the “why” but struggle in the moment, and why scripts, language, and real-time support matter when you’re already stretched and in survival mode yourself.

If you’re parenting an autistic or PDA child and want support that actually holds you through the hard moments — not just theory — you’re not alone here.

🌱 KEY TAKEAWAYS / SHIFTS

• Strategies don’t work sustainably without nervous system safety
• Parent regulation is foundational, not optional
• Sensory support is essential — not an “extra”
• Connection before compliance builds long-term wellbeing
• Support and language matter most in the moment, not months later

🤍 NEXT STEPS / RESOURCES

If you’d like support putting these foundations into practice, my Attuned Parenting Foundations course is currently free, with 30 days inside the Attuned Parenting Community. You can join via the link in my bio or at chantalhewitt.com/course.

Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes?

Support the show

✨ If you’re looking for deeper, personalised PDA parenting support, you can enquire about my limited-space 1:1, 8-week coaching programme at chantalhewitt.com/support.

✨ Download my free guides

Early Signs Guide → CLICK HERE
Calm Parent Checklist → CLICK HERE
PDA Parenting Guide → CLICK HERE

✨ Connect with me on Instagram, TikTok & YouTube @chantal.hewitt

Reach out if you need anything- Say hello, share your story :) → hello@chantalhewitt.com

Chantal x