"What do you do when it seems as if the God you were taught about is “absent” to you? What if the man you loved and would do anything for, violated you and your trust? What if that man is a family member? What if that family member is your dad? You are broken, your relationships are destroyed, your life appears to be in pieces. Your thought process is destroyed, so you think. You don’t trust men anymore because your “earthly” dad messed that up for you. Not to mention your trust in a Man you were taught to believe in that you’ve never seen before, allowed it to happen.

You go to counseling during your trial, which never helped you mentally. You stay on the defensive because after telling your stepmom about what happened to you, she tells you you’re lying. The family members pretend they believe you, but secretly they speak that you’re lying and even talk about you behind your back. Then after you move away from the abuse, the grandmother who introduced God to you tells you that you’re lying on her son and that you had asked God to forgive you for your “accusations”/sin. She wants you to go to the same God that was there every time “her son” touched you and ask for forgiveness of what HE knows to be true.

Your world is spiraling out of control and you no longer want to live. So, one day the pain was too great, and you decide that you’re going to “try” praying to God one more time. A while after praying you to realize that you do want to live and no longer wish to die. The pain that you once felt is now gone. The memory of your past is there, but the pain associated with it is not. Then you ask after all that, “But God, Why Me?”-Trevinna George, BSN RN