Freya Smee is a Gestalt therapist who works with couples on conflict, communication and connection. In this episode, we talk about why the same fights keep happening, the stories we tell ourselves about each other and how to feel seen and heard in your relationship.

Freya also shares her own journey into this work. Learning to stop putting herself last, letting the sensitive parts of herself be seen and why couples work lights her up. She has a simple way of putting it... "your differences aren't the problem, the story you attach to them is."

Most fights aren't really about the dishes. Underneath the "you never" there's usually something softer. I'm sad. I'm scared I don't matter. I just want you to see me. When we can own the story we're telling ourselves things slow down and the other person gets a chance to lean in instead of reaching for their sword.

If you put everyone else first then snap when there's nothing left or if you find it hard to ask for help, this one's for you.

In this episode:

• How the patterns we learn growing up show up in our relationships.
• Overgiving, resentment and anger outbursts.
• Why anger feels so scary and what it's really telling us.
• "I'm making up a story that…" and why it changes arguments.
• Why your differences aren't the problem.
• The difference between owning your feelings and "you made me feel this."
• What's really going on underneath the fight.
• Hyper-independence and why asking for help feels so hard.
• The fear of not being enough.
• The inner critic and the parts of us sitting at the dinner table.
• Why accepting yourself is what actually lets you change.
• Rick on epilepsy, shame and the "dirty fuel" of proving yourself.

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