Zeigt Titel in Humor

For science teacher Baxter Plink, his grandmother’s funeral was already set to be a grim affair. But he never expected the deceased to wink at him. Or for his own navel to start glowing and projecting holographic replays of his most embarrassing potential deaths for the entire congregation to see. What begins as a personal quantum catastrophe quickly goes viral, becoming a global pandemic of "Quantum Embarrassment" where everyone's deepest regrets and unfulfilled dreams are broadcast from their bellies.

When an unsuspecting reader opens a simple paperback, he discovers bizarre phrases that seem to describe humans casually removing eyes, hands, and limbs as if it were nothing. Horrified, he becomes convinced he has stumbled onto a hidden truth: alien beings who can detach their body parts walk among us—and the book is their confession.

If you're an alien traveler seeking adventure (or just stranded by a malfunctioning space cruiser), this is your ultimate guide to surviving Earth with your dignity mostly intact. Written with wit, sarcasm, and mild concern for your safety, A Guide to the Planet Earth for Aliens is perfect for fans of Douglas Adams, The Martian, and anyone who’s ever felt like Earth might be trying to kill them… but still wants to visit again.

Maurice "Moss" Foote is down to his last hundred credits, which he needs to get his old ship back and start over. Again. But then, Moss is so familiar with rock bottom he has his mail forwarded there. Hel was born a slave, or maybe she wasn't. It's confusing, just like the compulsion that keeps her building... something. When she sees an opportunity to escape aboard a ship, she takes it, not realizing the trouble she's in for.

With Sector Zero in ruins and Sarah stolen away, T.E.D.D.—the scarred trash droid—charges after the Manager into a jungle fortress teeming with MilBots and something far more sinister. Inside, The Manager is growing a new horror—and only T.E.D.D. can stop him. To save Sarah, and the fate of the world, he must overcome killer machines, creatures that shouldn't exist, and the darkest parts of himself... before the Manager’s plan consumes the world.

One day, Jason is fighting with a terrible monster. Just as he thinks he is going to die, he unexplainably transforms into a monster. He becomes a Wicker Beast. He is taken in by a monster-hunting group who want to help him harness this power and use him to stop other folklore creatures from hurting anyone else. But not all is as it seems. Not just with the monster hunters, but also with himself.

Ever since his own reality on Earth was destroyed by a demented supervillainess and her mad scientist dad, eighteen-year-old Martin Kilbourne's life has been, well, complicated. Sure, there are the usual issues, like otherworldly bullies seeking to literally destroy him, jealous girlfriends planning either his wedding or his demise, and constant threats of public execution. But those inconveniences pale in comparison to his main goal: to bring world-ending destruction to everyone who's wronged him.

Gormon Hughes has elevated himself. Twenty-odd years ago, he was a desperate young man, broken-hearted and in danger of being literally eaten alive by debt collectors. Ten years ago, he helped untangle the mystery of the Spring-Heeled Jane murders. Now he is the President-Elect of his home country. He has a daughter. He has a multi-world-spanning conflict on his hands.

On the trail of a mind-melting futuristic drug, the Captain stumbles upon an ancient cult dead-set on raising The Beast from his slumber and feeding him a few thousand civilizations for breakfast. The devil’s back in town and there’s only one man and four solid knuckles in his way.

Saving the Earth is just the beginning in this comedic free-for-all. “Darkness travels at the speed of light” so the gang needs to get ready, stop getting distracted, stay on budget, and what were those other things? Right, stop getting distracted.

They threw him in a desert hell with one rule — fight to the death or get scrapped. Now T.E.D.D., the glitchy trash droid who’s done taking orders, is trapped in Sector Zero, where the Manager forces humans and machines into brutal bloodsport. Friends could become executioners — or corpses beside him. There’s no walking away. Outsmart the arena, or rust in the sand. Because in Sector Zero, the deadliest enemy isn’t the droids, the humans, or even the Manager. It’s the choice Tedd must make.

This Christmas, a hero will rise from the trailer park. Earl Frost isn't what most people would call a hero. He's indoorsy. He lives with his grandma in a 1970s single wide in the Misty Pines Trailer Park. He spends most of his time taking care of his pet fish and working nights at Cecil's Gas 'n' Stop. Earl Frost also hates Christmas, which is a cardinal sin up there with pride and greed in Holiday Lake. Holiday Lake is like a town on a Christmas card, or in one of those holiday romance movies that play non-stop on TV. Everyone here loves Christmas. Except for Earl.

When MIT physicist Dr. Velcro Threadbare builds a Sock Singularity Engine to solve the mystery of missing socks, she accidentally tears a hole in the fabric of reality—literally. Now socks across the multiverse have gained sentience, and they're not happy. The matched wage war against the unmatched. A pug named Sir Barksalot becomes the Sock Pope, preaching liberation through deliberate mispairing. Criminal flamingo syndicates trade in celebrity sock radiation.

Spreadsheets are spells. Dragons are unionized. Nachos are a sacrament. Buckle up. When actuary Ptolemy “Tolly” Blackthorne inherits his grandmother’s scarf—a knitted, contraband probability anchor—he also inherits her secret: a multi-dimensional dragon-racing circuit that runs on risk, wit, and a frankly alarming amount of nacho cheese. Tolly’s talent for modeling disaster was supposed to keep him safe; instead it drafts him into a portal-hopping season where vertical Niagara roars upward, magma judges enforce “Fun is mandatory,” and Mars rovers form a picket line for better dental.

Dan's cats are acting weird. One has grown into a strength powerhouse, the other wants to communicate... verbally. And now other kitties have begun to go missing from his quiet suburban street. Could the man in the parka that haunts a nearby industrial estate have answers? Or perhaps it's something to do with the strange disappearing woman in the woods? Can our hero figure out the conspiracy before it turns into a catastrophe?

Do you fit in? Me neither. I wrote these stories for weirdos like you and me. A messed up kid keeps a mightily upset alien prisoner in his barn. Carnage ensues. A hunter pairs up with a mysterious girl to track down a terrifying humanoid predator. Carnage ensues. Aliens commandeer the body of the wrong Taylor Swift. Carnage ensues. A marshmallow toasting fork turns out to be a sacred relic of an alien empire. Carnage ensues. You get the idea. One of these short stories isn’t very short, but I included it anyway.

Barry and Lich are two high school outcasts living as much of a life as they can in the small town of Grafting, Michigan, circa 1995. Life ain’t great, but it ain’t too bad either. That is, until the Grafting quake hits and a strange man heading a secretive organization shows up with an army of brilliant minds, highly trained mercenaries, and a monster that’s crawled straight from the realm of nightmares. As it turns out, reality is starting to tear, and things from another dimension are starting to pop up—things with really bad intentions.

“I know Artificial Intelligence has fewer calories, but it just doesn’t taste as good.” The Zoomarble Madcap Space Adventure Series concludes with Book 3, Scrapes the Nadir. Ride along on missions through odd new worlds packed with action, bad people, massive weaponry, monkey creatures, quantum security, medieval food trucks, robots, wizards, robot wizards, fat fascists, cranky waiters, and dragocorns. Get immersed in deep concepts that are science adjacent, further blurring the lines between technology and magic. Join the gang as they try their best not to get distracted.

Good morning Anthony! Anthony is preparing for his eventual Ph.D. defense in anthropology. In less than a week, he’ll orbiting the planet Proxima Centauri b with five spacefaring races, known only to the US Space Command. The military will task him with profiling the aliens for their own dubious motives. His every action will be scrutinized by friends and foes alike. Anthony is not ready for this.

Strak is a run-of-the-mill Orcus Empire recruit whose days are filled with following orders, patrolling corridors, and stamping papers. When he’s captured by the most-wanted space pirate in the galaxy, he assumes (quite logically) that the end is nigh. Instead, he finds himself…spearheading a birthday celebration for said space-pirate’s 12-year-old daughter?