In this episode, I talk about a communication pattern that so many people experience in emotionally abusive and high-conflict relationships—but rarely have language for.

It’s the moment when a message sounds reasonable on paper, calm in tone, even “child-focused”… and yet your body reacts immediately.

I walk through what’s happening when someone says all the right things while doing the opposite—hiding control behind concern, and contradiction behind “cooperation.” I use a real client example from co-parenting to show how this plays out in everyday emails about clothing, schedules, school, and parenting decisions—and how quickly it turns into self-doubt, over-explaining, and emotional exhaustion.

In this episode, I share:

• Why these interactions feel so destabilizing even when they look calm
• How contradictory communication pulls you into constant self-defense
• What to look for when words and actions don’t line up
• Why this isn’t a communication problem—and why you’re not overreacting
• How to begin tracking patterns so you can stop gaslighting yourself

If you’ve ever read a message and thought, “Why do I feel like I’m losing my footing right now?” this episode is for you.

This episode is a re-record of the Double Speak episode because I did not know there was noise in the background!

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s common to find yourself stuck in an exhausting loop of self-doubt. You replay conversations. You question your memory. You wonder if you overreacted—or if maybe it wasn’t that bad.

In this episode, I break down why second-guessing yourself after abuse isn’t a flaw—it’s a survival response. I talk about how abusers train you to distrust your own perceptions and why that confusion lingers even after you leave. I also share practical ways to start rebuilding self-trust, including how to create a reality checklist and a “no-debate list” to help you anchor back into truth when your mind starts to spin.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode is about why everything feels harder, louder, and more urgent during the holidays when you’re navigating high-conflict divorce or co-parenting with a controlling or volatile person. Why situations that felt barely manageable in October suddenly feel explosive in December. Why your body feels like it’s bracing for impact every single day. And why so many parents reach a breaking point and say, “This can’t wait until January.”

I break down what’s actually happening beneath the surface—how time pressure, court slowdowns, holiday schedules, dysregulated kids, financial stress, and relentless communication collide all at once. How the holidays become a tool for control rather than connection. And why this season so often pushes already-burned-out parents into survival mode.

I am well aware this episode is coming after the Holiday season. I am sorry I could not get it out before!

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner