In this episode, we unpack the uncomfortable tension that can sometimes exist between women — especially when it feels unprovoked or unnecessary.

We reflect on experiences where women have been mean or hostile toward us "for no reason," and what we discovered when we looked deeper. As light-skinned, conventionally attractive women who grew up with access to education and opportunity, we acknowledge that we move through the world with advantages rooted in colorism, proximity to beauty standards, and the experience of often being "chosen."

We didn't create those systems — but we do benefit from them.

We talk honestly about how constantly being overlooked, never feeling chosen, or growing up outside of the beauty standard can harden someone. How that pain can sometimes manifest as resentment toward women who appear to have it "easier." And how layered and systemic these dynamics really are.

We also acknowledge a harder truth: while we don't consciously weaponize our privileges, there are women who look like us who do. And that reality contributes to the narrative.

But this conversation isn't about defensiveness — it's about responsibility.

We discuss our responsibility to go out of our way to be kind in those moments. To soften instead of react. To reshape the narrative. To build community over competition. To create safety instead of reinforcing hostility with our sisters.

Giving grace doesn't mean excusing behavior. It means understanding where it may come from — and choosing to respond in a way that heals instead of divides.

If you've ever felt tension with other women, questioned the role beauty standards play in female dynamics, or wondered how to create sisterhood instead of rivalry — this episode goes there.

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🍒 @janaiiman
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In this episode, we unpack something that quietly shapes the way women move through the world — our cycles.

We talk about how being on a monthly hormonal cycle impacts the way women show up in their careers, creatively, emotionally, and physically — and how that differs from men, who operate on a 24-hour hormonal rhythm. What does it mean to live in a world built around daily consistency when your body naturally moves in phases?

We explore the pressure women feel to perform at the same level every single day, even when their energy, focus, and emotional bandwidth naturally fluctuate. From pushing through creative lows to honoring rest without guilt, we question whether the expectation of constant productivity was ever designed with women in mind.

We also discuss the privilege in realizing we could choose to do nothing — and how that awareness shifts the way we think about ambition, softness, and choice.

From office temperatures literally calibrated to male bodies, to workplace structures built around male rhythms, we unpack how deeply male-centered design runs — and what it might look like to build systems that acknowledge biological differences without turning them into limitations.

This episode is about understanding your body, honoring your phases, and redefining performance in a way that feels sustainable — not punishing.

If you've ever felt behind, inconsistent, or frustrated with your own energy levels, this conversation might reframe everything.

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🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In this special Valentine's Day episode, David joins us for an honest, layered conversation about love, friendship, and the realities of being in a healthy relationship — especially when your relationship exists in the public eye.

We address the rumors head-on (no, we are not a throuple 🙄) and talk about why people are so quick to project narratives onto close friendships and romantic partnerships. From there, the conversation opens up into what David has learned about love through our relationship — the work it requires, the emotional accountability, and the intention it takes to build something real.

David shares how being in a relationship where strong friendships are valued has changed the way he sees connection altogether — how it's helped him appreciate friendship in a deeper way, while also awakening a desire for meaningful male friendships of his own.

We also talk honestly about what it feels like to "share" a partner with close friends, navigating boundaries, balance, and security without resentment. And we reflect on how witnessing healthy love can quietly raise the standard — Janai's understanding of what she deserves in relationships has shifted simply by seeing how Kelsi is treated.

This episode is about love in all its forms — romantic, platonic, and everything in between — and what happens when you choose to grow together instead of compete for space.

If you've ever questioned relationship dynamics, boundaries, or what healthy love actually looks like in real life, this episode is for you.

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🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In this episode, we look at the very first examples of love we ever witnessed — our parents — and unpack how those relationships quietly shaped our dating preferences, expectations, and blind spots.

Janai shares what it was like growing up with parents who had a fun, wild relationship — a rough-around-the-edges provider father and a working, playful mother — and how watching that dynamic, along with the softness and affection in her mom's later marriage, influenced what she thought love was supposed to look like.

Kelsi opens up about growing up in the aftermath of a volatile, messy divorce, and watching her mother enter relationships with abusive and emotionally immature men. She reflects on how chaos became familiar, and how that familiarity showed up later in the partners she chose.

We talk about how differently we were raised around boys and dating — Janai being taught that relationships were meant to end in marriage, and Kelsi having more openness and curiosity without that same expectation. And yet, despite those differences, we both found ourselves yearning for love and affection… and seeking it in the wrong places, with people who didn't value or appreciate us.

The conversation expands into the importance of dating — not as failure, but as education. Learning yourself. Gaining awareness. Understanding what works for you, not what you were told should work.

We also unpack how people — especially within relationships — try to keep women in boxes. How we're expected to be palatable, ladylike, quiet, agreeable, and "easy" in order to deserve good partners. And how those expectations shape who we pursue, how we show up, and how much of ourselves we're willing to shrink.

If you've ever looked at your dating history and wondered "Why do I keep choosing this?" — this episode is for you.

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🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In this episode, we talk about deconstructing what we've been taught masculinity and femininity are supposed to look like — and reconstructing them in ways that feel healthier, more honest, and more personal. We explore how these energies don't look the same for everyone, and how rigid definitions can do more harm than good.

Kelsi opens up about realizing her social media algorithm sometimes needs a reset — how being constantly fed certain ideologies can take ideas that originated within her and distort them through overexposure, misinformation, and extremity. What starts as self-reflection can quickly turn into confusion when too many voices start shaping your inner dialogue.

We discuss how necessary conversations around toxic hypermasculinity have become — but also how those conversations have, at times, pushed us toward seeing masculinity as a whole as "bad," instead of making space for the distinction between healthy masculinity and harmful behavior.

We also unpack how social media quietly creates invisible standards for who you should love, what that person should look like, and what kind of partnership is deemed acceptable or aspirational — often without us even realizing it.

If you've ever questioned your beliefs, felt overwhelmed by online narratives, or wanted to reclaim your own definitions of identity, attraction, and balance, this episode is for you.

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🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In this episode, we talk about what it really means to stay connected — to your partner, to your friends, and to yourself — especially when life gets busy, overwhelming, or isolating.

We unpack how some people struggle with being part of a community and disguise that discomfort as "not wanting community" at all. The fear of closeness, accountability, and emotional presence — and how disconnection can quietly become a defense mechanism.

Kelsi reflects on realizing she can sometimes come off mean or distant, not because she doesn't care, but because she's deeply in her own world. Janai opens up about acknowledging that she does crave a relationship — and that her resistance isn't about independence, but about fear of being hurt again.

We also dive into why vulnerability can feel especially hard in spaces with other Black women. How early conditioning, comparison, and competition among little girls can follow us into adulthood, making softness and openness feel unsafe even in rooms meant for sisterhood.

If you've ever struggled with intimacy, community, emotional walls, or letting yourself be seen — this episode is for you.

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🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In part two of this conversation, we go deeper into emotional intelligence — what it actually looks like, how it's developed, and the conversations that need to be happening but rarely are.

We talk through the kind of honest, patient conversation you'd have with a man if you were truly trying to teach emotional intelligence — not to shame, emasculate, or "fix" him, but to help him understand himself, his emotions, and the way they show up in relationships.

We unpack how important it is to cultivate safe spaces for Black men to explore vulnerability, emotional language, and self-awareness — while also holding space for a harder truth: women sometimes play a role in reinforcing toxic hypermasculinity by expecting men to be "hard," stoic, and unshakeable, only to belittle or dismiss them when they finally open up.

The conversation explores how emotional safety is built (and broken), how gender expectations shape emotional expression, and why healing requires accountability on both sides. Not just from men, but from women too.

If you've ever struggled to communicate emotionally with a partner, questioned what healthy masculinity looks like, or wondered how to create safer emotional dynamics in relationships, this episode is for you.

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🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere

In part one of this two-part episode, we kick things off by talking about the vision boards Janai and Kelsi made — what we're calling in, what we're intentionally building, and how our desires are shifting as we grow.

We break the ice with a new segment we're officially coining Whiteboard Confessions, playing games that lead us straight into honesty, laughs, and unexpected takes. From there, the conversation takes a turn into dating, standards, and self-awareness.

Janai shares about a recent date and the long list of things she didn't like — and Kelsi challenges whether that list exists because of pretty privilege… aka having options. That opens up a deeper discussion about how privilege shows up differently depending on gender, and whether pretty privilege for women mirrors what weaponized incompetence has historically been for men.

We unpack how women have evolved so much in the workplace and the world at large that they no longer need men in the same ways — and how some men internalize that shift through resentment, hostility, and a growing hatred toward the modern woman.

The episode closes by setting the stage for a deeper conversation on emotional intelligence — what it looks like, who's actually doing the work, and why it's becoming the real divider in modern relationships.

If you're interested in dating dynamics, gender roles, power shifts, and the uncomfortable truths shaping modern relationships, this episode is for you.

Follow us on Instagram:
🍒 @thekelsilee
🍒 @janaiiman
✨ @xo.upfromhere