In this episode, I sit down with education leader, parent, and author Chris Balme for a deep, thoughtful, and often funny conversation about what adolescents are really doing during the middle school and teen years. We explore why this stage of life is less about “figuring kids out” and more about understanding the intense social, emotional, and neurological work they’re already doing every day. Chris offers a powerful frame that I love: adolescents as identity scientists, running experiments to answer one core question—who am I, and where do I belong?

We talk about how adults can make that work easier instead of harder, why third spaces and unhurried time matter so much, and how validation, sleep, peers, and belonging shape everything during these years. If you live with, teach, or care about adolescents—or if you’re willing to remember your own—this conversation will resonate.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – Why it’s so hard to change how we parent, even when we know better
[1:40] – Why adolescence is the right time to reinvent yourself
[3:10] – Chris introduces the idea of kids as “identity scientists”
[5:15] – Identity is built through social experiments—and adults can help or hinder
[7:45] – The importance of different social spaces where kids can reinvent themselves
[9:35] – Why “third spaces” and non-parent adults matter so much
[13:30] – The critical role of unhurried time and reflection
[15:35] – Sleep deprivation and what it explains about teen behavior
[18:25] – Social approval, belonging uncertainty, and the adolescent brain
[21:15] – Why validation beats fixing, lecturing, or minimizing
[24:30] – Middle school memories, awkward experiments, and empathy
[28:50] – Belonging comes first—before achievement and authenticity
[31:15] – What we gain, as parents, by walking this journey with our kids

Links & Resources:

Allo Parents:

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/12/01/1216043849/bringing-up-a-baby-can-be-a-tough-and-lonely-job-heres-a-solution-alloparents

Ned's podcast Interview with Michaeleen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hunt-gather-parent-with-michaeleen-doucleff/id1676859533?i=1000643496031

About Michaeleen: https://www.npr.org/people/348778932/michaeleen-doucleff

Adolescents Are Identity Scientists: https://chrisbalme.substack.com/p/adolescents-are-identity-scientists

About Chris: https://www.chrisbalme.com/

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with my longtime partner, co-author, and neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud to dig deep into something hiding in plain sight: sleep. We talk about why so many kids, teens, and frankly adults are walking around chronically exhausted—and what that’s quietly doing to learning, emotional health, and overall well-being. This conversation grew out of a powerful question a student asked us after we issued a real-world “sleep challenge,” and it opened the door to a fascinating look at how sleep actually works in the brain.

Bill and I explore what happens when kids don’t get enough rest, why tired brains struggle with attention, memory, and emotional regulation, and how sleep might be one of the most underestimated tools we have for supporting mental health, learning, and resilience. If you care about helping kids thrive—and about thriving yourself—this is one you won’t want to miss.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – Why helping kids thrive is harder than it should be—and why sleep keeps getting overlooked
[2:15] – The student sleep challenge and the big question: what does sleep actually do to the brain?
[4:20] – How chronic sleep deprivation acts like chronic stress on developing brains
[6:00] – Emotional control, anxiety, and why tired brains are more reactive and negative
[9:00] – “Overnight therapy”: how REM sleep helps regulate emotions and perspective
[10:25] – Sleep deprivation, anxiety, and depression: cause, effect, and the vicious cycle
[11:59] – Why sleep regularity matters as much as total hours of sleep
[15:00] – Sleep, physical health, appetite, and injury risk for athletes
[17:20] – Why sleep deprivation mimics ADHD and wrecks attention and organization
[19:55] – The startling study showing how small sleep losses erase years of cognitive growth
[21:40] – How the brain replays and consolidates learning during sleep
[22:30] – Why sleeping more can literally make you better at skills—even without more practice
[27:15] – Practical, realistic strategies families can use to make sleep a shared value
[31:00] – Why we need collective action, not lectures, to help teens get the sleep they need

Links & Resources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-self-driven-child/201807/why-its-always-better-to-sleep-on-it

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I dig into one of my favorite topics—what really makes us happy—and why the holidays are the perfect time to rethink how we create joy for ourselves and our kids. If you’ve ever wondered why the things you anticipate don’t always end up being the things that actually fill your heart, you’re not alone. I explore the science behind pleasure versus happiness, why we confuse the two, and how small intentional choices can make the holiday season feel richer, calmer, and more meaningful.

Rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine, I walk through the PERMA model and share science-backed ways to help kids—and ourselves—feel more grounded, connected, and genuinely content. If you’re craving a holiday experience that lingers well beyond the wrapping paper and pumpkin pie, this episode will help you set the stage.

Links & Resources:

[0:00] – Opening welcome + exciting announcement about our new workbook
[1:20] – Why the holidays bring both joy and disappointment
[2:18] – Pleasure vs. happiness: how dopamine tricks us
[4:10] – The rush of rewards, hedonic adaptation, and why pleasure fades
[5:30] – Serotonin and the science of contentment
[6:20] – Reflecting on past holidays and why those memories stick
[7:05] – Introducing PERMA: the science of lasting happiness
[7:40] – P: Positive emotions—exercise, rest, gratitude, and Thanksgiving traditions
[8:55] – E: Engagement—how “I get to” changes everything
[9:35] – R: Relationships—the strongest predictor of long-term happiness
[10:51] – M: Meaning—why contributing and giving matter more than getting
[12:40] – Achievement—keeping accomplishment in healthy perspective
[14:10] – Better conversation starters for kids and teens
[15:20] – How intentional activities shape half of our happiness
[16:15] – Final reflections on gifts, gratitude, and meaningful experiences
[17:20] – Closing thoughts + message for parents who may want extra support

Links & Resources

• PrepMatters – https://prepmatters.com
• Phone: 301-951-0350 (for families wanting to connect with our team)

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com