Welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast.. I’m Anna Graham, and today we’re diving into something that can quietly derail even the most well-intentioned divorce process—attachment to the outcome.

In mediation, we often walk in believing we know exactly what we want, what’s fair, and how things should unfold. But when we become rigidly attached to a specific result, it can block resolution, increase conflict, and ultimately cost us more emotionally and financially.

I’m joined by the incredible Divorce Allies team—Melissa Gragg, Emile Flowers, and Cristine Terri—and together we’re unpacking what it really means to prepare for mediation without gripping so tightly to a single vision of “winning.”

We’re talking about emotional regulation, strategic flexibility, mindset shifts, and how letting go of rigid expectations can actually lead to stronger outcomes. This episode is about empowerment—not through control, but through clarity. If you’re navigating mediation or preparing for settlement conversations, this is one you’ll want to hear.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Attachment to a specific outcome can block productive mediation.
   Rigidity increases conflict and reduces creative problem-solving.
2. Preparation is about clarity, not control.
   Knowing your priorities allows flexibility in how you reach resolution.
3. Emotional regulation is a negotiation advantage.
   Staying grounded prevents reactive decisions that can harm long-term goals.
4. Mediation is about resolution, not victory.
   Shifting from “winning” to “solving” creates space for sustainable agreements.
5. Letting go strategically is not weakness.
   Releasing rigid expectations can open better financial and relational outcomes.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. What does attachment to the outcome mean in divorce mediation?

Attachment to the outcome in divorce mediation means becoming emotionally or strategically fixated on one specific result, which can limit flexibility and hinder resolution.

2. How can I prepare for mediation without being too rigid?

You can prepare for mediation by identifying your core priorities, understanding your financial reality, and remaining open to multiple paths that achieve your main objectives.

3. Does being flexible in mediation mean giving up?

No, flexibility in mediation does not mean giving up; it means adapting strategically to reach a fair and sustainable agreement.

4. Why do emotions affect divorce settlement negotiations?

Emotions affect divorce settlement negotiations because unresolved anger, fear, or resentment can influence decision-making and create resistance to compromise.

5. How can I stay calm during divorce mediation?

You can stay calm during divorce mediation by clarifying your goals in advance, focusing on long-term stability, and separating emotional reactions from financial strategy.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

Welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast. I’m Anna Graham, and in this episode, we’re having a conversation that so many people avoid—but absolutely shouldn’t—money and the house.

When you’re going through divorce, decisions about the marital home and your financial future can feel overwhelming, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s not just about property. It’s about stability, identity, security, and sometimes fear of the unknown.

I’m joined by Melissa Gragg and Emile Flowers, and together we’re breaking down what you really need to consider when making decisions about keeping, selling, refinancing, or letting go of the home. We’re talking about financial clarity, long-term sustainability, and why emotional attachment can sometimes cloud practical judgment.

This episode is about empowerment through information. It’s about understanding your options so you can make decisions from a place of strategy—not panic. If you’re navigating questions about the house, affordability, equity, or what your financial life looks like after divorce, this conversation is for you.

5 Key Takeaways

1. The marital home is both an emotional and financial asset
   Decisions about the house should consider long-term affordability, not just emotional attachment.
2. Keeping the house does not automatically mean financial security
   Mortgage payments, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing terms must all be evaluated realistically.
3. Refinancing during or after divorce requires strategic planning
   Credit, income qualification, and timing can significantly impact loan approval and terms.
4. Equity division impacts long-term financial stability
   Understanding how home equity is calculated and distributed is essential for fair negotiation.
5. Clarity reduces fear
   When you understand your true financial position, you can make confident decisions rather than reactive ones.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. Should I keep the house in a divorce?

You should keep the house in a divorce only if you can afford the mortgage, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing long-term without financial strain.

2. How is home equity divided in a divorce?

Home equity in a divorce is typically calculated by subtracting the remaining mortgage from the home’s market value and then dividing the net equity according to settlement terms.

3. Can I refinance the mortgage during a divorce?

Yes, you can refinance during or after divorce, but approval depends on income, credit score, debt-to-income ratio, and finalized settlement agreements.

4. What happens to the mortgage after divorce?

After divorce, the mortgage remains legally binding unless it is refinanced, assumed, or paid off through sale of the home.

5. Is it better to sell the house during divorce?

Selling the house during divorce can provide liquidity and a clean financial break, but the right decision depends on affordability, market conditions, and long-term goals.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

I’m Melissa Gragg, and welcome to The Divorce Allies Podcast. In this episode, we’re talking about something that often gets overlooked in divorce conversations—the need to rewrite the script not just legally or financially, but mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I’m joined by the Divorce Allies team: Emile Flowers and Cristine Terri. Together, we explore what it really means to heal after divorce by addressing the whole person—mind, body, and soul. Divorce doesn’t just change your relationship status; it reshapes your identity, your nervous system, your financial reality, and the way you move through the world.

This conversation is about awareness and intention. It’s about recognizing patterns that no longer serve you, learning how stress shows up in the body, and understanding why healing isn’t linear—and doesn’t happen on a timeline set by the court. If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, exhausted, or unsure of who you are on the other side of divorce, this episode is designed to help you reconnect and move forward with clarity and compassion.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Divorce impacts the mind, body, and soul—not just your legal status
   Emotional stress, financial fear, and physical exhaustion are interconnected and must be addressed together to truly heal.
2. Awareness is the first step toward change
   Recognizing emotional triggers, stress responses, and limiting beliefs allows you to interrupt old patterns and make intentional choices.
3. The body holds unresolved stress from divorce
   Without proper regulation and care, stress can manifest as fatigue, anxiety, or illness—making physical well-being a critical part of recovery.
4. Financial clarity supports emotional healing
   Understanding your financial reality reduces fear, restores confidence, and creates space for forward-looking decisions.
5. Rewriting your story is an active process
   Healing after divorce requires conscious effort, support, and patience—not perfection or constant positivity.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. How does divorce affect mental and emotional health?

Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, and identity loss by disrupting emotional security, routines, and future expectations.

2. Why is healing after divorce not just emotional?

Healing after divorce involves the mind, body, and soul because stress affects physical health, decision-making, and emotional regulation.

3. How can I start over after divorce in a healthy way?

Starting over after divorce begins with self-awareness, setting boundaries, seeking support, and creating clarity around finances and goals.

4. What role does stress play during and after divorce?

Stress during divorce activates the nervous system, which can impair judgment, increase conflict, and delay emotional recovery if not addressed.

5. How long does it take to heal after divorce?

Healing after divorce has no fixed timeline and depends on emotional support, self-care practices, and intentional personal growth.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

I’m Anna Graham, and welcome to The Divorce Allies Podcast. Today’s conversation is one so many people find themselves needing—but rarely feel prepared for—what it actually looks like to start over after divorce.

I’m joined by three incredible experts and voices you know well: Melissa Gragg, financial mediator and divorce strategist; Emile Flowers, divorce mortgage planning specialist; and Cristine Terri, co-parenting specialist and meditation teacher. Together, we’re talking about boundaries, communication, and healing—not as abstract ideas, but as real, lived practices during and after divorce.

This episode is about learning how to regulate your emotions when you’re triggered, how to communicate without escalating conflict, and how to protect your peace when you’re still required to engage with someone who may be toxic, avoidant, or controlling. We also explore why being “over-prepared” can sometimes work against you, how to set boundaries that actually hold up, and what healing really requires when the divorce is finalized—but the relationship dynamic isn’t.

If you’re navigating co-parenting, high-conflict communication, or simply trying to rebuild trust in yourself, this conversation is meant to meet you exactly where you are.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Boundaries are about your response—not controlling the other person
   True boundaries define what you will do when a line is crossed, not how you expect someone else to behave.
2. Less communication is often more effective in high-conflict divorce
   One channel, one issue at a time, and neutral language can significantly reduce escalation and manipulation.
3. Oversharing is a trauma response—and it can work against you
   While documentation is important, presenting too much information can overwhelm mediators, courts, and even undermine credibility.
4. Emotional regulation is a critical divorce skill
   Timing your responses, pausing before engaging, and recognizing triggers are essential tools for protecting your mental health.
5. Healing includes setting boundaries with yourself
   Stopping reactive behaviors—such as checking messages immediately or engaging emotionally—is just as important as external boundaries.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. What boundaries should I set when starting over after divorce?

When starting over after divorce, boundaries should focus on communication limits, emotional protection, and clear expectations about how and when you will engage with your ex.

2. How do I communicate with a high-conflict co-parent?

The most effective way to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent is through written, neutral, task-based communication using one channel and addressing one issue at a time.

3. Why is oversharing harmful in divorce mediation or court?

Oversharing can overwhelm decision-makers, dilute key issues, and unintentionally make someone appear reactive or unreliable, even when their concerns are valid.

4. What is the difference between setting a boundary and controlling behavior?

A boundary defines your response to behavior, while control attempts to change someone else’s actions—something you cannot enforce.

5. How do I heal emotionally while still co-parenting after divorce?

Healing while co-parenting requires emotional regulation, clear boundaries, limited engagement, and support outside the co-parenting relationship.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

I’m Emile Flowers, and welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast. Today, I’m joined again by financial mediator and divorce strategist Melissa Gragg as we continue Part Two of an essential conversation—what really happens when your divorce position statement turns into a settlement offer.

In the last episode, we talked about how to create a position statement and why it’s one of the most important documents in your divorce. Today, we’re going deeper. We’re breaking down how that document becomes the foundation of negotiation, mediation strategy, and ultimately, your settlement.

This episode is about clarity—how to organize your facts, remove emotion from the narrative, and present your case in a way that professionals, mediators, and even judges can quickly understand. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unheard, or unsure how to move your divorce forward strategically, this conversation is designed to help you slow the process down, regain control, and prepare for meaningful resolution.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Your position statement is the blueprint for your settlement
   It’s not just background information—it sets the tone, priorities, and structure for negotiation and mediation.
2. Clarity beats volume in divorce strategy
   A concise, well-organized position statement is far more effective than pages of emotional detail or unstructured facts.
3. Think of your position statement as a “trailer,” not the full movie
   Its job is to invite deeper questions and guide the mediator or attorney toward what matters most.
4. Organization saves time, money, and emotional energy
   Preparing documents, timelines, and summaries upfront reduces legal costs and prevents repeated explanations.
5. This document helps regulate communication in high-conflict divorces
   A fact-based, neutral tone positions you as credible and prepared—especially when dealing with a toxic or uncooperative spouse.

5 Q&As from this episode

1. What is a divorce position statement?
A divorce position statement is a written summary of the key facts, issues, and goals in a divorce, used to guide mediation, negotiation, and settlement discussions.

2. How does a position statement turn into a settlement offer?
A position statement becomes a settlement offer by outlining priorities, supported facts, and proposed outcomes that can be expanded into financial terms and agreements during mediation.

3. Do I need a lawyer to create a divorce position statement?
No. A divorce position statement can be created before hiring a lawyer and is often more effective when prepared by the person who knows the facts best—you.

4. Why is a position statement important in divorce mediation?
It helps mediators quickly understand the issues, reduces emotional conflict, and creates a structured roadmap for productive settlement negotiations.

5. What should be included in a strong divorce settlement strategy?
A strong divorce settlement strategy includes a clear position statement, organized financial documents, defined priorities, and realistic, supportable proposals.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

Whether you’re just starting your divorce journey or you’re already deep in it, we’re really glad you’re here. I’m Emile Flowers, your divorce mortgage planning specialist, and I’m joined by Melissa Gragg — financial mediator, divorce strategist, and honestly… the divorce queen.

Today we’re talking about position statements — and here’s the big shift: your position statement isn’t “just notes.” It’s the first draft of your settlement offer.

So in this episode, we’re breaking down how to take what you’ve already done — your timeline, your summary, your top three issues — and turn that into a clear, credible, documented offer that you can actually walk into mediation with. Because the goal is simple: stop negotiating in a fog and start negotiating with facts.

5 Key Takeaways

1. A position statement is the outline — the settlement offer is the full book.
   You start with story + priorities, then build one topic at a time into a detailed, usable offer.
2. Words alone create confusion — spreadsheets create clarity.
   A marital balance sheet helps compare apples to apples (house vs. retirement vs. after-tax values).
3. “Prove it up” with one-page summaries + supporting documents.
   Bring short summaries (value, rationale, sources) and attach key proof (CMA, appraisal, mortgage statement, quotes).
4. Anchor with your best-case offer first.
   Ask for your best-case scenario (sun, moon, stars) and let the other side react and counter—don’t wait for them to draft it.
5. Boundaries matter: don’t agree to anything you can’t live with.
   If you need more data, table it, set deadlines, and return to mediation with stronger proof instead of rushing.

5 Q&As from this episode

Q1: What is a position statement in divorce mediation?
A: A position statement is a written summary of your divorce case—your history, key issues, and priorities—and it acts as the framework for your settlement offer in mediation.

Q2: How do I turn a divorce position statement into a settlement offer?
A: Take each priority issue from the position statement and build it into a detailed offer using a marital balance sheet, clear asset values, and one-page summaries backed by documents.

Q3: What documents should I bring to divorce mediation for a house dispute?
A: Bring a mortgage statement, CMA or appraisal, repair quotes, inspection summary, HOA info, and a one-page explanation of how you reached your proposed home value.

Q4: Why is a divorce settlement spreadsheet important?
A: A spreadsheet prevents misunderstandings by listing every asset and debt, showing values clearly, and helping compare after-tax retirement funds against cash assets like the house.

Q5: How do I negotiate with a high-conflict or toxic spouse in mediation?
A: Lead with a detailed written offer, rely on factual documentation instead of opinions, keep emotions neutral, and set firm deadlines for missing disclosures or unresolved items.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

Women in Life Transitions: Reset Your Body, Mind, and Soul After 50

Luxury real estate broker, 7x national ballroom champion, spiritual director, and Miss Senior America—CT titleholder Robin Kencel joins Melissa Gragg to unpack practical ways women can reset mind, body, and spirit—especially through divorce and life transitions.

Learn centering prayer in 10 minutes, the “three graces” nightly practice, how to spot disordered attachments, and a gentle path to forgiveness (including forgiving yourself).

What you’ll learn

• How to start centering prayer in 10 minutes a day
• The “three graces” bedtime ritual that rewires your focus
• Why removing harmful people and then forgiving frees energy
• How to treat upheaval as information, not identity
• Simple ways to find your voice again: tiny reps, new routines
• A week-one reset plan for women in divorce or transition
• What spiritual direction is and how to try it

Quick takeaways

• Purpose lives where what you’re good at + what you love + what serves others meet.
• You can’t change much, but you can change yourself—via micro steps.
• Disordered attachments (even to “good” things) block your love/flow.
• Divorce is a forced reset—use it to design a life you actually want.
• Your 10-year-old self didn’t vanish—she’s just covered like grass under snow.

Q1: What is centering prayer and how do I start?
Centering prayer is a silent, 10-minute daily practice of consenting to God’s presence—no agenda, no analysis. Sit comfortably, choose a simple “sacred word” (e.g., peace), and when thoughts arise, gently return to the word. Consistency matters more than duration.

Q2: What are “three graces” and why do they help?
Each night, name three grace-filled moments from your day (a kind driver, a pink sunset, an unexpected laugh). This shifts attention from rumination to gratitude, improving sleep and emotional resilience over time.

Q3: How can I find purpose after divorce at 50+?
Map the purpose trifecta: list (a) what you’re good at, (b) what you love, and (c) who it serves. Where they overlap is your next move. Start with one micro-action this week that touches all three.

Q4: What does “disordered attachment” mean?
It’s over-attachment to something—even a “good” thing—that pulls you away from love/flow (or your relationship with God). Signs: compulsive checking, anxiety if you can’t do it, neglecting health or relationships. The fix is gentle rebalancing, not self-shaming.

Q5: How do I set boundaries with harmful people?
Name the behavior, state the boundary, and define the consequence—briefly and calmly. Example: “No yelling. If it starts, I’ll leave the call.” Follow through once; consistency builds safety. Then begin the work of forgiveness to release the emotional hook.

Q6: Why does forgiveness matter if I’m already done with them?
Because your nervous system isn’t done. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse harm; it releases the energy you spend reliving it. Pair boundaries (external protection) with forgiveness (internal freedom).

Q8: How do I “find my voice” after a power-imbalanced relationship?
Practice in low-stakes rooms: improv, community classes, or small groups. Aim for one rep per day where you ask, decline, or express a preference. Reps build confidence faster than reflection alone.

Connect with Robin:

https://robinkencel.com/

Connect with Melissa:

https://www.valuationmediation.com/

Connect with The Divorce Allies:

https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

Whether you're just beginning your divorce journey or already in the thick of it, understanding disclosures is key. We’ll walk you through what they are, why they matter, and how they can become one of the most powerful tools in your strategy—not just a pile of paperwork.

This episode will help you rethink your first steps, take back control of the process, and avoid wasting money on the wrong professionals at the wrong time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, intimidated, or unsure of what your lawyer has already submitted, don’t worry—you’ll leave this episode with clarity and confidence.

Financial Disclosures & Filing for Divorce: What You Need and Why It Matters (Divorce Mediation StL)

If this episode resonated with you, don’t stop here.

✅ Start with your Position Statement — tell your story, list your priorities, and anchor your divorce strategy. Download the guide here (https://www.thedivorcevault.com/)

📂 Download your state’s financial disclosure forms and use our checklist to get organized before you spend a dollar on legal help.

📄 Use that information to create a Settlement Offer that leads your case instead of reacting to chaos.

🧠 If mediation is part of your process — or could be — we’ll show you how to navigate it, even with a high-conflict or narcissistic spouse, through our Mediation Prep Strategy Guides.

🔓 Want all of this in one place? Unlock The Divorce Vault, which gives you 6+ months of support, templates, AI tools, and insider strategy.

🤝 And if you’re craving real community and expert insight, join our weekly live sessions inside The Divorce Allies Circle. We’ll help you turn fear into clarity and lead your own case like a pro. https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

✅ 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS

Financial Disclosures Are Strategy, Not Just Paperwork
Disclosures aren’t busywork—they form the foundation of your settlement and influence how negotiations unfold.

Start With the Forms, Not the Lawyer
Downloading your state’s pro se forms is often a smarter first step than spending $5–10K on an attorney just to gather basic info.

Your Position Statement Is Your Blueprint
Combining your financial disclosures with a clear position statement gives you negotiating power and saves time across your legal team.

Missed Assets Create Legal Risk Later
Incomplete or inaccurate disclosures can damage your credibility and derail your case—especially when assets like businesses or SBA loans are overlooked.

You Can Revise and Reclaim Control
Even if disclosures were filed without your input, you can (and should) revisit, update, and use them to regain strategic control.

Q: What are financial disclosures in a divorce?
A: Financial disclosures are formal court documents where you list all income, expenses, assets, and debts—essentially a sworn financial truth that shapes the rest of your divorce strategy.

Q: Should I hire a lawyer before filling out disclosures?
A: Not necessarily. Start by downloading your state’s forms, gather your financial documents, and organize everything. Then decide if you need expert help—this can save you thousands in unnecessary legal fees.

Q: Can I update my disclosures if they were already filed by my attorney?
A: Yes, and you absolutely should. Request the filed version from your lawyer, revise with accurate data, and use it to build your position statement and settlement offer.

Q: How do disclosures give me leverage?
A: A complete, organized disclosure becomes the basis of your position statement. It helps your legal and financial experts negotiate from a place of truth, reducing costly surprises and missed assets later.

Melissa Gragg
https://www.valuationmediation.com/

Emile Flowers
https://www.divorcemortgageplanningservices.com/